Roman Avdeev: banker and father of 23 children. Interview especially for 7i
the Banker Roman Avdeev is the famous person and among businessmen, and... among adoptive parents.
of Roman Avdeev with the spouse Elena
- Roman what everything began with - what the impulse was?
- the Question very simple. I tried to help orphanages - it is absolutely useless. Not because there badly with children are engaged, and not because there teachers some bad, people angry - on the contrary, there are a lot of fans of the business. Just format such that does not teach children to live independently after orphanage, children are not socialized. Respectively I asked myself a question: “How still it is possible to move in this direction?“ . And began to adopt 10 years ago.
- As you understand what child - yours?
- If readiness to accept the child is, then we choose nobody. We have a principle: we adopt absolutely small, babies. Everything in the child, in principle, is put till 3 years. And it is even more what we do not see and we do not realize, it is put about one year - here development conditions, attention, leaving are very important. We just for the small child can make more, we will be in time more. I often communicate with those who want to adopt. Sometimes speak:“ We want is more senior, and that on the kid there are no forces any more“. But here it is necessary to be defined: you want to accept the child in a family - or do not want. If yes, that is any strange approach - there are no forces.
- Yes, forces needs much. Roman, you discuss the decision to adopt the next child with a family?
- It cannot be only my decision. I consider that a family support - the spouse, spouses - here the main thing. Otherwise it is absolutely senseless. I am glad that my spouse Elena supported me. But it was internally ready: when we got married, I already had 12 adopted children. Began adoption process I with the wife who is dead now.
- also such situation Happens: the woman wants to adopt the child, considers it, and the man - against.
- Means it is not necessary to do it. It is necessary to be ready: if both spouses have no desire to accept this child, then it is not necessary. Here a keyword - to accept.
- And can theoretically prepare somehow the man, to incline it on the party?- all is Theoretically possible for
. Edison said that it is theoretically possible to take the person, to analyze him on molecules, to transfer on wires, and on the other hand to collect - generally, it does not contradict any physical laws. It is the difficult question very difficult. The person has to reach the decision on adoption. Here so purposefully to take, to prepare, descend to the psychologist - in my opinion, it does not work. It does not mean at all that people who are not ready to adopt, bad. No, at everyone the life. I urge to adopt nobody.
- And if the speech about a childless couple when for the woman appearance of the child in a family becomes a fundamental issue?
- What the family where people cannot agree upon key questions is? The family is constant arrangements, respect, ability to hear each other.
- When you only began to adopt, there was a misunderstanding: why to you why there is a lot of?
- Of course, asked. And still write me, say, on the website:“ Yes everything is clear, it so from taxes leaves“. A lot of miscellaneous is written. I absolutely quietly treat it: do not understand - and it is fine.
- And relatives?
- Parents support me. Frankly speaking, I especially did not discuss it: did not bring together all relatives - here, advise as it is better to make. Solution of one family same all the same. I discussed it with parents after all of us with the spouse solved. Terribly, of course, they state them different fears - but support.
- what Fears of a sort?
- Well, all of us are mortal... Are afraid that there will not be enough forces that children will be difficult to be grown up if I do not become - and they still small. Such absolutely everyday fears. Once again I will repeat: here question of acceptance. If you are ready to accept the child, then already any other fears - notorious genetics or still something - are not important. I soberly see things, can happen anything - and to your own child too. But if it is your child, you accepted him - and all this my children - that all becomes simpler. Only what it is possible to mean on the word “genetics“ is physical diseases, hereditary including. And education can cope with all the rest. I deeply trust in it. And the most important, I see on the example of our family.
of Adult generation of a family - and children.
From left to right: spouse`s mother Tamara Stepanovna, Roman Avdeev.
In the center - from left to right: Roman Avdeev`s spouse Elena, the father - Ivan Isakovich, mother - Galina Borisovna.
- But, on the other hand, and at wonderful people the own children - monsters grow up...
- should be Brought up. And often education is replaced by corruption - people just pay off from the children. The child needs to devote not a lot of time and when it is necessary. Also it is necessary to support him - then when it is necessary. And very often parents buy expensive toys instead of communicating.
Ya is forced to buy, for example, children of iPhone - because at all in a class is! I do not understand why parents - often not really provided - it buy? I in every possible way resist it. There was an experience of circulation in one paid school, “pochesyvaniye“ began there:“ What ingenious child at you “, “ we have tasty food“ - and about education words. Everything somehow not that is discussed, are engaged not in that. It is the tragedy for families - it is necessary to be engaged in the child, it is necessary to love children.
- But when you are in time? To be engaged with such number of children, to penetrate into their problems?
- Once again I will repeat: important not amount of the found time, but quality. Very often I hear - here, I gave birth to the small child, I need to run to bathe him, he remembers that he is bathed by the father, and it is stamped on the memory for the rest of life. The nonsense is full. The child needs to find time when it is necessary. Also is with it in partnership. No, of course, it is necessary and to communicate with the kid. Another matter, with it we do not enter adult communication, colloquial. It is very important that there was not for show a presence at the child`s life and that it was high-quality communication.
- whether all of you Gather, there are some family traditions?
- We live out of town, in the cottage settlement. There is a big territory, in it 3 houses. Each child has the room. Often during week-end we meet at a table. But there is no such special tradition: at everyone the affairs, the interests, at everyone the obligatory program. We go to France to ski in the winter. More often it turns out on several people: so that all - all together, did not happen long ago.
If to speak about family traditions, then I am sure that freedom - the absolute benefit. And imposing of tradition whatever fine they was - it is the absolute evil. Everything has to be organic. All have to receive a high from family, joint life.
- Troy adult children live separately, too you manage to communicate with them?
- Yes, with all quite normal relations. To the senior - 23 years, I am already a grandfather.
- And for holidays all kids give gifts?
- Yes, all hand-made articles do, draw. But not a secret, of course, that all will organize mother and the nurse. And on mother`s birthday - I and the nurse (laugh).
- as you celebrate Birthdays of children?
- We just gather, we congratulate, we hand gifts. The birthday man gives the gifts. But we there is nothing a fetish we do not do, there is nothing a problem we do not create. So that to celebrate each birthday specially, with the invited clowns or big departure - it is not somewhere. So it is necessary to celebrate every week - and the holiday will turn into some routine. We try that everything was sincere.
- And in Moscow you together somewhere get out?
- With our traffic jams - it is very rare. If any groups only at cinema we leave.
of School, the nurse and manny
- Probably, at such big family difficult logistics. How everything manages to be organized?
- the Routine and discipline is an important question. Each child has the schedule though we, certainly, often deviate it. It both is good, and it is bad. There are occupations obligatory for all. For example, I have all bilingual children. Four tutors - British - three women and the man - they just in a different way are not able, in Russian do not talk. Probably, there is not enough man`s influence, but we have no such tradition. And at British is: even the term is - manny - man+nanny, that is “the man - the nurse“. Respectively, English, swimming (at our place the pool, there comes the instructor), music. It is obligatory. With additional education a keyword, I consider, interest. Now say that children are overloaded, are tired - all this not so. If it is interesting to the child, he will go to bed later. What are children enemies to themselves? Means, it is pleasant to them.
Well and, of course, school, kindergarten - all state.
- At you and houses are the real kindergarten! But all the same go?
of Roman Avdeev with the spouse Elena
- We try that children communicated more outside. And that they go to a garden the main idea - socialization. Yes, they much among themselves communicate, but we suddenly faced a problem which was not even expected. They were accustomed that all around - brothers and sisters, toys should share. And kids went to kindergarten - and began toys to bring from a garden. Well same, by and large, “theft“ is called. Began to pay attention, to personalize specially is your toy, and this - yours. They had also separate toys, of course, but they got used that everything in the house can be taken, around all the.“ From where car? - I in group took it from the boy. - And the boy knows? - Is not present“. Children have to acquire standards of behavior, for this purpose we also send them to kindergarten.
- Sometimes wealthy people, on the contrary, try to separate the children from “ordinary“ people, to limit communication. The idea of “breed cultivation“ is not close to you?
- No, it is not close. We, for example, when we fly by plane, always buy tickets in economy class. Or I here in England communicated with the lord, upperclass. Well absolutely social, absolutely simple person. In the summer all family we go on the dacha to Lipetsk. Never with children neither to Maldives, nor to the Bahamas flew. It seems to me, in Lipetsk it is much better - we have cows there. Good rest - and everything is pleasant.I consider
Ya very important to cultivate respect for all people, it is independent of anything. Certainly, we have a cook. But we teach children:“ He prepares because you cannot, he helps us - and you have to it be grateful“. Address by name - to a middle name, any familiarity. Also we talk to personnel: if suddenly children overstep any limits that rigidly stopped. With governesses there are no problems, and here to other workers sometimes happens.
- And children have household chores?
- Of course. The first duty - to clean the room. Children at us on self-service: the smallest - learn to put on - to undress, and then is increased and increased. Everything that on age they can do for themselves, they do.
- the Last question: present children differ from us?
- Yes, I look at the children: they differ from me to the best. In total. Because new opportunities, are not present such complexes which I had at education - all - life does not stand still.