Rus Articles Journal

Change: 10 advice to mistresses of

the Beginning

On eternal - and eternally painful - a subject of change are a set of articles. The psychologist Galina Artemyeva already gave advice to participants of “a love triangle“ - to both wives, and husbands. The turn of mistresses came...

Mistresses want to advise



  1. Often happens that we fall in love and we enter close relations, without having learned the most important: whether the partner from conjugal ties is free.

We dare to be credulous. And by that we doom to flippant attitude ourselves.


Really to you likes a role of the victim? It makes sense to find out first of all what marital status of your elect.

Here typical life situation. During summer advanced training courses Elena (23 years) registers in group to young (31) and to very famous teacher. She left the partner after two years of joint life recently and is in a special condition of expectation of a godsend. The teacher notices Elena, invites her to a dinner. Their mutual interest seems inexhaustible. The girl, without deliberating, takes up, sure that her dream came true. Two weeks of courses pass as series of the embodiments in life of the most intimate maiden dreams: here both flowers, and pleasant gifts, interesting conversations, excellent sex. Only after parting the thought came to Elena to mind: “And what`s next? Suddenly it has someone?“ They made an appointment in the fall, abroad. Called each other, wrote. And here Elena decided to ask (just in case): “You are free?“ Also received the answer:“ Is not present“. Darling wrote that he married early, with the wife there is nothing the general, the wife any more - his cross which he is obliged to bear. Whether accepts it loved by it what it is? Elena bore blow. It accepted. Because fell in love and it was ready for everything to continue the relations. Especially the wife was just the phantom: it has the life, at it the. More than half a year they met in neutral territories, in the different cities, intensively communicating during separations. Then the beloved invited her to the city, to himself home. For several days. She waited for much from this meeting: unless its stay in the house of darling did not mean that further rapprochement approaches? In the apartment from the first steps it was expected by shock: it was the house, obviously not barchelor, conducted by a careful female hand. And everywhere intolerable traces of stay in the house of the woman - his wives were found. (As then it became clear, the lover, having invited her to the house, wanted not verbally, that is without wasting words, to show it what place is taken in his life by the wife, he understood that the relations went too far, but was not going to get divorced not under any circumstances.)

Elena began to ask and ask

I questions here: whether really he lives with the wife whether really between them there is no proximity what he sees them with Elena the future, they have relations? The man was honest this time. With the wife as it appeared, it was connected by a certain hidden, but strong communication, sex it with the wife had, the relations with Elena very much suited it in that look what they developed: rough meetings of times a month for several days. He even suggested the girl to meet in intervals between their appointments to somebody who lives closer. Well, to be as equals, so to speak. That she did not suffer from abstention. Besides, darling warned that if the wife learns about their communication, it will bring only to one: to the immediate termination of contacts with it, Elena.

She began rush about between two “I can not“:“ I cannot continue the relations which kill me “and“ I cannot leave darling: such as it, was not and will never be in my life“. She wrote about the experiences to the lover answering that the choice behind it. Then, as he also promised, the relations were stopped by him: the wife learned. All this “happiness“ in general lasted year. Feelings of the young woman were very deep. She tried and tries to start new communications, enters close relations, without testing anything similar with those feelings that attached her to that person. Already it is more than two years one, and the dominating its state - extreme depression. Yes, now she reproaches herself that recklessly rushed to the abyss of passion with the person about whom she did not learn the main thing: whether only it in his life the woman. It was inconvenient to it to ask, it comes true. The man could think that she is interested in a marriage, but not just in it as the person.

to Find

the moment to ask this important question, it is necessary for own sincere safety. At least before agreeing to intimate relations, this question is quite pertinent if you have though any principles organizing your life.

  1. Any man, as if foully he behaved, never admits it to either you, or himself. He wants romanticism, sincere and physical raising, young enthusiasm, beauty of the relations. And therefore it with big pathetics will describe to you the sufferings with the wife. There are several ordinary phrases used by men in heart-to-heart talks with mistresses for the description of the heavy share and utter darkness of family existence:
“it me does not understand

at all“, there is no
“between us anything the general long ago“,
“I married too young, without understanding how terrible can be discrepancy“,
“at us is with it different chemistry“,
“we sleep in different rooms“,
“two go by one train, behind a window identical landscapes flash, and they think that they go in one direction - here what is family life“...

only present to

I that after these revelations with you he comes back home, kisses the wife gently, speaks to it with a smile:“ Missed. I love you“. And then, present, goes with it to bed and... Very much I advise to imagine it when expensive to you, but married on other man shares the family problems.

  1. If within the first year of your relations he did not talk to the wife about divorce, did not report about your existence, he will not make it and further.
  2. Please, do not allow to manipulate yourself. It is favorable to man to inspire in you feeling of hostility to his spouse. Then he is a victim. And the victim it is necessary - what? Well of course! To love, to protect and not to irritate talk on the future.
  3. For some reason one of the most passionate and furious desires of the mistress - to let know to the wife about the existence. Actually, clear even why. Well as! That lives and unfairly enjoys all good things of life with the person whom she is unworthy and who does not love it long ago. Let learns, let too at the nights will cry in a pillow. Let, at last, will make room for worthy and favourite.

However take the paradoxical fact into account: if you report to the wife about yourself, you almost for certain will lose darling. I will directly tell, in my extensive collection of similar cases there was no time that the husband forgave the mistress who dared to communicate to the wife. Marriage can break up, but you will not get it. You will become for it the most unreliable element, unpleasant reminiscence of which it is necessary to get rid somewhat quicker.

you will not construct
  1. On foreign misfortune of happiness. Now you will take away, then will take away from you. It is only a matter of time.
  2. Look for joyful components in life. Do not go in cycles in a problem of possession of foreign husband.
  3. Learn to be respectful to yourself, accurately define own personal borders and the fact that you would not like to let in for anything the life. Strictly follow the installations. Tell yourself: “I deserve bigger, than to eat scraps from others table“.
  4. Find forces to overcome mental anguish, to realize an event not to allow repetition of similar situations.
  5. In case you managed to overcome all barriers and to marry that of whom dreamed read the advice to wives which is attentively given above.

From the book “Lie as the Man, Manipulate as the Woman“