Rus Articles Journal

How to raise the child`s self-assessment? Councils of the psychologist

success of human life, besides objective circumstances, is influenced also by the level of a self-assessment which begins to be formed in the preschool period under the influence of the child`s environment, first of all - parents. The self-assessment is an assessment by the identity of the opportunities, qualities and places among other people.

the Healthy atmosphere in a family, aspiration to understand and support the child, sincere participation and empathy, feeling of psychological security - here components for formation of a positive adequate self-assessment at the child.

the Child with high self-esteem can consider

that it in everything is right. He seeks for management of other children, seeing their weaknesses, but not seeing at the same time own, often interrupts, treats others haughtily, in every way tries to attract attention. From the child with high self-esteem it is possible to hear:“ I the best“. At high self-esteem children are often aggressive, belittle achievements of other children.

If the self-assessment of the child is underestimated by

, most likely, it is disturbing, is not confident in own forces. Such child keeps thinking that him it is deceived, will offend, will underestimate, always expects the worst, builds around himself a defensive wall of mistrust. He aspires to a privacy, is sensitive, indecisive. Such children badly adapt to new conditions. When performing any business are ready for failure, finding absolute obstacles. Children with the underestimated self-assessment often refuse new kinds of activity from - for fear not to cope, overestimate achievements of other children and do not attach significance to own progress.

the Underestimated, negative self-assessment at the child is extremely adverse

for full development of the personality. Such children have a danger of formation of the installation “I Am Bad“, “I Can Do Nothing“, “I Am a Loser“.

At an adequate self-assessment the child creates around himself the atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love. He feels that it is appreciated and respected. He believes in himself though he is capable to ask about the help, is capable to make decisions, can recognize existence of mistakes in the work. He appreciates himself, and therefore is ready to appreciate also people around. Such child has no barriers preventing it to have various feelings to themselves and people around. It accepts itself(himself) and others such what they are.

If to praise, then correctly

the Great value in formation of a self-assessment of the child has the interested adult`s relation, approval, the praise, support and encouragement - they stimulate activity of the child, form moral habits of behavior. The physiologist D. V. Kolesov notes: “The praise for fixing of a good habit has big effectiveness, than censure for prevention of a bad habit. Praise, causing a positive emotional state, promotes rise in forces, energy, strengthens aspiration of the person to communication, cooperation with other people...“ . If the child does not get timely approval in the course of activity, it has a feeling of uncertainty.

However should be praised correctly too! Understanding of what great importance the praise is for the child, it should use very skillfully. Vladimir Levi, the author of the book “Non-standard Child“ considers that should not praise the child in the following cases:

  1. For what is reached by not the work - physical intellectual or sincere.
  2. beauty, health is not subject to a praise . All natural abilities per se , including also a sweet temper.
  3. of the Toy, thing, clothes, casual find.
  4. Cannot be praised out of pity.
  5. From desire to be pleasant.

Praise and encouragement: for what? it is important to h2 to remember
  1. that all children are talented in own way. Parents should treat more attentively children to find the talent put in the child and to develop it. It is important to encourage any with the child`s tremleniye to self-expression and development . It is impossible to say to the child at all that not to become him the great singer, the dancer etc. Similar phrases you not only fight off the child aspiration to something, but also deprive of it self-confidence, underestimate its self-assessment, reduce motivation.
  2. Surely you praise children for any merits : for good marks at school, for a victory at sports competitions, for beautiful drawing. , or a praise for what will be can be li>
  3. One of receptions of a praise . Approval will inspire in the kid self-confidence, the forces in advance: “You can do it!“. “You it are almost able!“, “You will surely cope!“, “I believe in you!“, “At you everything will turn out!“ etc. the child`s Praise since morning is an advance payment for all long and difficult day.
Vladimir Levi advises

to remember suggestibility of the child. If you speak: “Nothing ever will leave you!“, “You are incorrigible, you one road (in prison, in militia, in children`s home etc.) “ - that be not surprised if so it also happens. This most real direct suggestion , and it works. The child can believe in your installations.

Receptions for increase of a self-assessment of the child:
  1. to Ask for suggestions as at equal or senior. Surely at the same time follow advice of the child even if it not the best as the educational result is more important any other.
  2. Ask
  3. about the help as at equal or senior.
  4. the moments when also the almighty adult needs to stay younger - weak, dependent, helpless, defenseless Are... from the child!
Already in 5 - 7 years this reception from time to time used can yield miracle results. And especially with the teenager, in the relations “mother - the son“ - if you want to bring up the real man.

of Punishment: rules for parents

an Important role in formation of a self-assessment is played not only by encouragement, but also punishment. Punishing the child, it is necessary to adhere to a number of recommendations.

  1. Punishment should not damage health - neither physical, nor psychological. Moreover, punishment has to be useful.
  2. If the doubt is, to punish or not to punish, - do not punish . Even if already understood that are usually too soft and indecisive. Any “prevention“.
  3. For once - about a bottom punishment . Punishment can be severe, but only one, for everything at once.
  4. Punishment - not due to love . Whatever it happened, do not deprive of the child of your heat.
  5. Never never take away the things presented by you or somebody-!
  6. Can cancel punishment . Even if will behave disgracefully so that worse than ever even if just shouted at you, but at the same time today helped the patient or protected weak. Do not forget to explain to the child why you acted this way.
  7. it is better for li not to punish, than to punish was late. Overdue punishments inspire in the child the past, do not allow to become another.
  8. by
  9. It is punished - forgiven . If incident is exhausted, try not to remember “old sins“. Do not prevent to begin to live at first. Remembering the past, you risk to create feeling of “eternally guilty“ at the kid.
  10. Without humiliation . If the child considers that we are unfair, punishment will work in the opposite direction.
Receptions for normalization of high self-esteem of the child:
  1. you Teach the child to listen to opinion of surrounding people.
  2. it is quiet to li to treat criticism, without aggression.
  3. you Learn to respect feelings and desires of other children as they are also important, as well as own feelings and desires.

we do not punish:

  1. If the child badly feels or is ill.
  2. When the child eats
  3. , after a dream, before going to bed, during game, in operating time.
  4. Right after spiritual or physical wounds.
  5. When the child does not cope with fear, with a carelessness, with mobility, with irritability, with any shortcoming, applying sincere efforts. And in all cases when something is impossible.
  6. When internal motives of an act to us are unclear
  7. .
  8. When we not in ourselves when were tired, are afflicted or angry for some reasons...

For development of an adequate self-assessment in the child

  • do not preserve the child against daily affairs, you do not seek to solve for it all problems, but also do not overload it. Let the child will help with cleaning, will derive pleasure from the done work and a deserved praise. Set feasible tasks that he could feel skillful and useful for the child.
  • do not overpraise the child, but also do not forget to encourage when he deserves it.
  • Remember that for formation of an adequate self-assessment both the praise, and punishment have to be adequate too.
  • Encourage with
  • in the child an initiative.
  • Show to
  • the example adequacy of the attitude towards progress and failures. Compare: “At mother pie did not turn out - well, nothing, we will put more flour next time“. Or: “Horror! Pie did not turn out! I will nevermore bake!“ .
  • do not compare the child to other children. Compare it with yourself (what it was yesterday or will be tomorrow).
  • Abuse
  • for concrete acts, but not in general.
  • Remember that a negative assessment - the enemy of interest and creativity.
  • Analyze
  • together with the kid of his failure, drawing the correct conclusions. You can tell it something on the example, so the child will feel the atmosphere of trust, will understand that you are closer to it.
  • Try to accept your child it what it is.

of Game and tests

Ya I suggest you to get acquainted with some games which will help to define type of a self-assessment of your child, and also to create and support at it the adequate level of a self-assessment.

the Short flight of stairs Test (“Ten steps“)

This test is used from 3 years.


on a sheet of paper or cut out a short flight of stairs from 10 steps. Now show it to the child and explain that on the lowermost step there are the worst (angry, envious etc.) boys and girls, on the second step - it is slightly better, on the third it is even better and so on. And here on the most top step there are very best clever (good, kind) boys and girls. It is important that the child correctly understood an arrangement on steps, it is possible to ask again it about it.


A now: on what step would stand he ? Let will draw himself on this step or will put a doll. Here you also performed a task, it is necessary to draw conclusions.

If the child puts himself on the first, 2 - yu, 3 - yu steps from below, then it has an underestimated self-assessment .

If on 4 - yu, 5 - yu, 6 - yu, 7 - yu, that average (adequate) .

if costs

A on 8 - y, 9 - y, 10 - y, that the self-assessment is overestimated .

Attention: at preschool children the self-assessment is considered overestimated if the kid constantly puts himself on 10 - yu a step.

This game can give

“Name“ (N. V. Klyueva, N. V. Kasatkin) additional information on the child`s self-assessment.

itself Can suggest the child to think up a name which he would like to have, or to leave the. Ask why it is not pleasant or likes his name why he would like that it was called in a different way. This game can give additional information on a self-assessment of the kid. Often refusal on its own behalf means that the child is dissatisfied with himself or wants to be better, than it is now.

“Playing of situations“ (N. V. Klyueva, Yu. V. Kasatkina)


to the Child offer situations in which it has to represent itself(himself). Situations can be different, thought up or taken from life. Other roles when playing are carried out by one of parents or other children. Sometimes it is useful to change roles. Examples of situations:

  • You participated in competition and won first place, and your friend was almost the last. He very much was upset. Help it to calm down.
  • Mother brought to
  • 3 oranges, you and the sister (brother). How you will divide them? Why?
  • Children from your group in kindergarten play interesting game, and you were late, game already began. Ask that you were accepted in game. What you will do if children do not want to accept you? (This game will help your child to master effective ways of behavior and to use them in real life.)

Try to be more attentive than li to the children, encourage and you praise them, you spend more time together, and you will help your kid to become happier, fill his life with bright paints. I believe in you!