Carefully - rudeness in a family! How to fight - and to keep the relations of
We complain of roughness in shops, impudence in transport and aggression on roads. But as often offenses wait for the house when the closest people, those who, it seems, have to preserve each other, are rude and snap more purely than tram boors. The unexpected way of fight against household rudeness is offered by the psychologist and the writer Galina Artemyeva.I want to write
Now about what for us is - alas - norm! All this about the same: about behavior problems. How many time observed: in public the person looks very much even decent, civilized, well-mannered. And houses... At home relaxes. So it at us is called now. That is houses of people (a floor in this case is not important) becomes by itself, with conviction considering that this his (her) right. Houses can be told the wife if she responded on your call not at once:
- You what, became deaf?
I to the husband:
- Yes how many you that you can repeat...
of the Daughter:
- See, dressed up! What you on yourself got on?
Or to someone from relatives:
- Shut up!
“You is not asked...“ - “Not your business“ (“Not Your Dog Business“ option) “, an infection“, “schnook“, “goat“, “What... you placed here...“, “Well stared as a goat on new gate“... Whether there is a sense to continue further? Remarks and frazochka of similar sense are known to all.
Once in the temple after service I sat on a small bench, and nearby young mother dressed the son of years of four. And it, probably, tired, not really quickly thrust a hand into a jacket. On it mother told: “Move, give, quicker, otherwise you will receive on an ass!“all of us prichastitsya just by
A. I usually never butt in. Not my this business. And here directly gasped:
- That you? How you?she me did not understand
I at all! Told that it is not a mat. And what it - loving. In total! To speak further sense had no. The person did not hear me, did not understand and was not going to understand. It found nothing bad in the words. It is a pity. Here it, household rudeness in pure form.
Dissoluteness in life. Means, observance of decencies in public is a mask? And behind it... not a human face. Ugly face. And the house is unmasked (presses, it is necessary to give rest to itself - and where how not houses?) Here the person also stays at home with an ugly face. It concerns both house appearance, and a manner is (champing, blowing nose at a table, taking hands food, getting the spoon into the general dish...) and behavior... And as it averts - not to tell! It is possible to tell thousands of times about decent behavior, but the child in such family all the same will grow up the boor - because the most important: example. Household rudeness corrodes soul even if house it seems that they got used to it.
the Word - the powerful weapon! Visual row (expressions of parental persons, their house dresses, poses, etc.) make the strongest impact on the child. And if they negative, then the person with disgust for life and people grows up.
We all reach for beauty. Also we want to earn a lot of money to arrange the house it is beautiful“. Monogram, flourishes, mansion... But believe, it you see nothing and you do not notice if near you the boor. Because the soul shrinks. And a monogram it is not helped in any way.always I tell
Ya: the most important people in our life are those who make our family. Why on them rudeness has to stream? You want to be discharged after difficult day? To exhaust on the husband, children? So wonder at least: what do you try to obtain? You undermine own world! You destroy good and rest. Own behavior, from scratch...needs to be discharged by
. But not such ways. Were tired, are angry, angry?
- Under a shower!
- Jump (hundred jumps with a jump rope).
- Walk several times upstairs at home (from the first on the fifth, sixth, seventh floor...) Physical activity perfectly expels a stress.
Ya the most available ways of removal of tension for the citizen now. And there is still a pool, a foot walk, jogging etc. The irritation in the course of the movement leaves. There are new forces.
And besides, you remember politeness. At us for some reason forgot this word. And without it anywhere! The impolite person looks the cave boor. Politeness is both a look, and turns of speech, valid with whoever you communicated, and intonations (a lot of things depend on them)... Politeness is not weakness at all. On the contrary: force! It is control over the emotions, over own inability to behave... How you look even if to you it is bad now...I Will cite
Ariela Sef`s book “Given rise in a ghetto“:
“Having arrived somehow to parents on a visit, I waited for people with a parcel for their relatives and left not too tidied up. Mother began to saw me, and I:
- you Will think who are they such what I before them have to dress up?
- What difference who are they! Important, who you are“.
Here! Quite so! It is very easy to notice shortcomings of behavior and appearance at strangers. And here to peer into itself... The advantage should be observed!
to Understand and remember these words:“ What difference who are they! Important, who you are“.to Study
When I placed in the blog a post about household rudeness, responses, full grieves right there went to it. Yes! Quite so! Yes - we face! Yes - the soul shrinks. And what to do? And whether it is possible to make something? I answer: it is possible to try. Even if all is also very started.
Though if you lived together with the partner several years, suffering his rudeness, to change the developed model of the relations sometimes happens very difficult. Here or it is initially necessary to let know that you do not accept a certain tone, some turns of speech, or... And the main thing - in return always to be extremely polite and worthy person. And all - I will repeat: it is possible to try. But from you the most strict self-checking and patience will be required. Ability to achieve the objectives: here set the task for themselves - and we do not turn.
So to do - that? To shout? To cry? To take offense? To be rude in reply even stronger? To submit and swallow of offense? Or simply to throw everything and to leave? In general the subject to throw and leave it seems to much to the easiest and simple. Though actually the speech - that goes about murder. Murder of a family, murder of the relations - that is why - that the fact that to us who are not able much (it is a pity, but the fact), it seems to the easiest.you Watch
- here a situation (an absurd example - be not frightened): your friend tells offensive things. Well - not the annoying, usually - it is habitual - boorish. And you in reply just kill him. In total. There is no person - there is no problem. Horror! But we are often adjusted to kill. Figuratively, of course. Just we eliminate the person from the life. We kill the relations. And still we remember the evil at the same time.
A if not to kill? That is - to be adjusted on preservation of the relations? Here in this case it makes sense to arrive as follows (here - that and will be required patience):
- you do not react to boorish questions, tricks etc. in any way. Just you do not notice it absolutely.
- On good, you react to positive caress and heat. Sami`s
- you behave perfectly! At the same time without demanding from the partner that it corresponded to you. But it, simply seeing your systematic amazing behavior, it will become uncomfortable to feel as the boor (but to understand it, it will need time!) .
- You what, became deaf?
Silence. Time thinks that became deaf - so, became deaf.
- You became deaf, I ask you?
Silence. It approaches. You:
- You asked something, the road? I did not hear you.If it changes
a question form, you very softly and lovingly answer it. Well, and so on. Just on boorish intonation, the word etc. should not be any reaction. In every possible way you encourage respectful behavior. And set the necessary example. Try. It is difficult, but at many it turns out, though not at once. You remember: own politeness, a smile and worthy behavior work wonders. It is checked by repeated experience!
A was written by me here about this serious problem because in a family where household rudeness reigns not to construct the mature, kind, reliable relations. It is the law. Roughness destroys. Both relations, and health, and beauty, and hope for the best.you do not want
that you were crushed? Do not deal with boors. As if innocently first to you were rude, believe, it will develop into something bigger when the boor feels the power over you.to
From the book “To the mature woman possesses the world. How to be happy in the world of men“