Rus Articles Journal

If husband - “mother`s darling“. As it is correct to construct the seven

Many years the American comedian Steve Harvey conducts show on radio where the women wishing to get advice concerning the relations with men call and write. Steve Harvey lets know a train of thought of men, answering a set of urgent problems. For example, such: “How to distinguish the mother`s sonny and what to do in this case?“

Recently to us the letter which drew my attention with heading came: “Whom I married: for the man or for mother`s darling?“ 35 - summer the woman wrote that half a year ago she married 30 - summer the man whom it met about ten years, and though they have remarkable relations, his “despotic“ mother dements her.

“It operates my husband as if it is small. She addresses it in each occasion. She calls late at night, shouts at it if he in something did not agree with it. She asks from it money, demands that it painted her house, took away her from movie theater, made for her a lunch, handed over her clothes in cleaning. Here already 22. 42, and I houses one because the husband was just called by the mother-in-law and ordered it to go to her to help to bake pies for tomorrow`s charitable action. I was going to spend this evening with the husband, but again his mother prevented it.

do not misunderstand me: it is pleasant to me that he respects the mother and helps her, but sometimes I feel thrown. The husband often pushes me and children the background because always does something for the mother. I long kept these thoughts around, but how many I still will sustain?! His mother destroys our family. It is necessary for me that he became a man and took reins of government in hand“.

Here so... And how many women get into a similar situation! Mother orders: “Vividly“. The son answers: “How quickly you want that I arrived?“ . And the girlfriend / wife, sitting in a corner, does round eyes, wondering:

and) why this adult man at least cannot sometimes tell “no“
) why this woman has such big power over my man;
in) what means to it needs to be bought / rented / borrowed / invented to separate these two from each other that it and her man could return to creation of the joint life again.

“Whom I married: for the man or for mother`s darling?“

Regardless of the fact that they speak regardless of the fact that they do irrespective of how differently they endure it, the women asking a question “Whom I married: for the man or for mother`s darling?“ feel that they are simply not able to compete with other woman - mother.

the same women will think up more arguments, than the prosecutor, explaining why their man rejoices the title “mother`s darling“: his mother refuses to cut off an umbilical cord and to allow it to be the man; his mother considers that for it the worthy woman was not born yet; his mother is incited against other woman; he does not want to mature; he very much pleases the mother because she spoiled him and cares for each his requirement.

We everything listened to


my answer everything asking this damned question: stop inventing justifications and recognize that he is mother`s darling because you allow it to be of

Quite so: it is your fault.

you Want to know

why the man jumps out of a warm bed in which the beautiful nude woman lies, he puts on, is enough keys, jumps in the car in 22. 42 also goes through all city to bake pies? Because his mother established for it requirements and standards, and his woman did not.

Once again: the man who loves you will be a man who is necessary to you if you have requirements - standards which you establish to develop the relations in the course necessary to you. The real man is glad and ready to live by your rules while these rules are known to him, and he is sure that observance of these rules will help to make happy the beloved.

to you needs to be established to


only rules, to declare them at the very beginning of your relations and to watch that he adhered to them.

If you have
no standards or requirements, guess to whose rules he will conform? The mother.

She was the first woman who told it with what she will be reconciled and with what is not present; if she spoke to it to wash hands before food, to come back home before dark, to protect the sister when they walk, and always - always - to obey and trust mother, guess what this boy will begin to do? Guessed: will begin to conform to these rules literally (mostly) because he does not want to deal with consequences which will come if it disobeys the mother. He also conforms to these rules because he loves the mother, and her rules are (most often) invariable; oh, they adapt under its age and circumstances, but mother always keeps some rules for the men irrespective of the fact which position in life is held by her son. These rules: to respect, to love unconditionally, to protect and provide the woman who gave it life. It never departs from these requirements - and her son if it is the good, careful, loving son, never departs from them.

That is until finds the woman whom loves and who loves it. And who is rather clever to establish the basic rules and requirements for the relations, main of which are as follows:

  1. Respect me.
  2. Ya and our children after God are the highest than the others.
  3. Let know
  4. clearly everything with whom we communicate that they have to respect our relations - and me.

Now if you never established before such rules, and his mother never receded from the whether then it is worth being surprised that he throws you bared in a bed to bake pie? Matter is not that it holds this man, and that just you did not work to take reins of government in hand.


what the woman writes about: she lived with the man more than ten years and never showed displeasure when the mother-in-law forced to work the son:“ All these years I kept the thoughts around...“ Therefore if she never said to the man that she is not pleasant to her when he throws it and children to go to mother and what is not pleasant to it when he allows the mother to shout at it and that she does not want that he prepared, painted and erased for the mother then when it is necessary to her to make something on the house, then how it learns that his communication with mother violates standards of his wife? Men are not able to read mind!

the Heroine of history from the letter did not write

about it, but I assume that this woman was silent ten years about abuses of the mother-in-law because she was afraid that the man will throw it - was afraid that if only tries to hammer a wedge between the husband and his mother, then he will choose mother. And still I will tell you that men behave not so; if your man really loves you and if he is a real man, then will find a way to keep such relations with the mother to which his wife will be glad - it will smooth contradictions that the steel relations accepted for all parties.


that you do not compete with his mother: she changed to it diapers, can prepare its favourite dish, knows the majority - if not all his friends and knows it longer than whoever that was. In his veins its blood flows. If he loves the mother and they have good relations, you will not be able to get up between them. (And frankly speaking, you will understand that it is much better to be in the relations with the man who loves the mother, than with that which does not take out the woman who gave birth to him; I would tell that the last probably never and will be able to devote himself to the gentle, stable relations with the woman).

But you, certainly, are capable to get on with the man and his mother, controlling what you can really control, - exercising the power to establish those rules which you will respect, building a family.

Instead of writing angry letters, it was necessary to stop the husband in the doorway of a bedroom and to tell it something it seems:“ Listen, I know that you love the mother and you will make for her everything, but it is unacceptable for me that you leave me and kids to bake pies. If you go there, then remain there all night long“.

I these words would not be angry or imprudent. To leave the woman and children in the house at a quarter to eleven night - to bake pies or to go to a strip - club, inadmissibly if this woman considers that it is inadmissible. And, reporting about it to the man, it notifies him on standards according to which he has to live to keep their relations. And now the word behind it. He can or go to bake these pies, or to stand on the hind legs, to call the mother and to settle this question - to tell her that he cannot arrive today, but will drop in to her before work tomorrow and will bring it pies from shop. His mothers it, perhaps, not really will be pleasant, but to you - that what business? Once again I repeat, you cannot control its feelings and cannot control actions of her son, but you can control own feelings and the expectations from your man.

the Author of the letter waited for nearly 11 years to express, but if you at the very beginning of the relations with the man, bring up this question at once. Tell it that you do not want to get up between it and his mother, but you do not want and to compete with it therefore he should let know the mother that:

and) needs of his girlfriend / bride / wife should not be pushed the background at all;
) she, his mother, has to respect his requirement to be a defender and the getter for the beloved elected by it.

do not worry, he understands need of it; any real man does not need mother more, than he needs the woman.

He early enough understands that support which it gets from mother - clothes housing, education, care etc., has to stop when he becomes an adult and that if he wants to have true, gentle, long relations with the woman, it needs to cut the umbilical cord connecting it to mother to give life to a new family - the family.

Everything that you have to do, is to tell.


to it directly: “It is necessary for me that you protected and provided us that helped to raise these children that you were an example for this boy who needs to see how real men arrive, and for this girl who needs to know what is the real man that once she found to herself it. I want that you were the head of this family“.


it here so, and your requirements will move requirements of his mother.

From the book “Arrive as the Woman, Think as the Man“