Rus Articles Journal

To fall in love

My God God as there is a wish to fall in love! To be fond, lose the head, to go for a while crazy, from that rational and practical mind which always knows that where and how much and which you all the time judiciously straightens out and cold whispers in an ear “Do not do it, do not do that!“. Wuma who forces you to feel such correct marinated herring, well greased semi-person - the semi-robot, the mechanism, a mummy!

As there is a wish to feel how the become stupid bird in a cage your heart fights, a booming echo giving to cold whisky, and in a breast something joyfully contracts, and begins to turn the head slightly from fast run of blood on veins when it, that to which you suddenly blazed with the unclear intoxicating feeling suddenly appears on other side of a bustling street.

When she, with wonderful, colors of the sun setting over the tropical sea, the hair falling on thin shoulders, after the long working day, comes back home to herself, and does not even suspect, that that about your love, and even about your existence on this earth.

When it goes by, and, apparently, there is in it nothing special - both the person usual, and a figure, as at all, - here only hair, hair as poured zhito in the sun the singed day, amazing, generous ringlets in which and there is a wish to bury immediately a face and, having closed eyes to inhale their exciting grain smell. There is in it nothing, and you are delayed to it force majeure, against all laws of terrestrial gravitation, and you greedy catch and remember each its step, each movement, each gesture in the memory.

I from it, from this second meeting in the sea of tired faces, from this Platonic contact at distance, you suddenly is so good to become that you hardly restrain not to cry from the heart overflowed with feeling.

You hardly restrain not to jerk straight off in a pit, to run quickly, jumping up on one, on other leg as you often did in the childhood when happened especially joyfully.

You lift up the head up, having almost cast away all decencies which bored stiff, and see the clouds floating away, gold beams of the sun mystically piercing the distant and near worlds, hear bird`s intermittent singing over the head. And you are overflowed by such thirst of life that you are sure, there is nothing terrible that could frighten you that there is nothing impossible that would be beyond your powers, there is nothing... there is nothing …

… Already nearly a year as your wife left you, having thrown in a fit of temper instead of farewell that “you are a bad husband, the bad father and the bad person“ - result of ten years of joint life - having left in a huff and having left you in private with the loneliness which is so hotly loved by you for which you so were eager, and you do not know now how to get rid of it.

Left, having left you with it “bad, bad, bad“ that you the second half of the life proved that you “not bad, not bad, not bad“ - though itself you know that it not so, itself it is sure that it in a temper. And still, words - start up the silliest words, - said by people once close to us, have an improbable power of persuasion.

It left, having left silent hatred to all feminine gender … and such huge, hardly constrained desire to love. To love somebody. To love contrary to. To love to spite. It is simple to LOVE …