To “adoption“ - 12 years! Interview with the founder of conference A. Rudov of
celebrates on September 30 birthday 7 its Adoption conference (was called “Adopted child“ earlier). In 12 years many obtained information and support here, the number 7yan - adoptive parents considerably grew, also the relation to a problem of the family device of children in our society changed.
On the eve of significant date we have a talk with the person whose works conference arose - with Alexey Rudov (OleLukoe). Then quite successful businessman helping a shelter “The road to the house“ and the newly made adoptive father, now it is project manager “To a new family“, the creator and the teacher of “School for foster parents“.
- Alexey, in
is a long history. Everything began with the fact that about our office near the Red Gate subway, near three stations, many street children turned. Children just spent the night at us under a ladder - it was necessary to notice them. I did silly, but standard things for those times - fed them. Just fed, sometimes money gave, sometimes some clothes...
At some moment we understood that this senseless action because we work with them hour, and the street with them other 23 hours. And this feeding, it actually does not help children, it disturbs them. It is not necessary to overstrain: you were fed, washed, dressed, any school, any responsibility, you continue to plunge into all this.
As well as adult beggars. None of them, modern, need, it is a way of life, a way of production of money - no more than that. Really persons in need will always find other help. Today there are both doss houses, and the social rehabilitation centers where to you will help to find work also. And on the street it is convenient to beg: you are free from any obligations, received money and where you spent on drink them - shirked - it is already your business.
So, the idea that it is necessary to attach these street children somewhere arose. We rang round then, at the beginning of
- It was the place unusual for those times where children expected the solution of the destiny - will send them to orphanage or a boarding school from where they already several times ran away, or will find for them a family. You helped a shelter as the volunteer?
- At first yes. First I continued to do the same nonsense as now I consider: to feed, give to drink. Boxes of oranges, plush toys bags... It was unclear why caseworkers when the next bag was brought sigh.
I then the question rose what to do - because we reached in the help a limit. We already began to be engaged in repair of a shelter: in
Walk across Moscow with children
my Firm delivered to
computers not where in those days - nibud, and in any intelligence agencies. And the request to punch, establish where there are some relatives of these children, led to what the Moscow criminal investigation department told us: “We will give you several people“. And it is valid, we were given people who were called, and these investigators, investigators, the opera helped us to understand very quickly from where children undertook. Except one.
of the Family of this child was already going to be looked for via the TV... It was necessary to give a film on television, and so far I rewrote the cartridge, the wife saw record and told:“ Such remarkable child. It seems, ours... Let`s take“. Well also twirled.
- you were engaged in adoption?
- Yes. We quickly enough issued everything though those years it was very difficult. Ourselves, by means of experts of a shelter (there were a doctor, the psychologist, teachers, social workers - I work with many still) collected documents and trained the child.
It. In - the first, we have a son of the same age, is slightly more senior. In - the second, this not only our decision has to be - it has to be the decision of the most adopted child. And our son.
We nearly half a year went to a shelter, took the child on a visit, and it was resolved that the son who then was seven years old somehow time came and told: “Fathers, mothers, and it will be possible to live it at us? Only call him strange - Oksan“. He thought that it is the boy that a name at it such unusual. Heard:“ Oksan, take it, Oksan, approach here“. We told: “It is possible, we also already thought of it. It is good that at us opinions coincide. Only it is not the boy, but the girl, call Oksana“. The son left, ten his minutes were not - they agreed about something there. Came and speaks: “All right, let there will be a girl“.
how we endured adaptation, for a long time to us was remembered. We went month two with stared. The daughter lit absolutely not childly: there were both escapes, and hysterics, and shouts, and fights mad - very violently all occurred. And as a matter of fact, the Adopted child conference on appeared as the answer to all this. To help others both with documents, and with training of the child for a family.
Yet not houses. Walks in park - we let out rage
Then I asked Alexey Povyshev (one of founders 7i, nowadays - the CEO “ALP - Media“ - the Editor`s note) which we already met before in a shelter: “The konf can create?“ He told: “It is possible, but if in half a year there is no activity - we will remove it“. I told:“ Not question, let`s try“. And, honestly to admit, at first, when the konfa calmed down, I sometimes wrote myself and answered myself. But gradually conference began to acquire visitors, both began to live, and lives still.
- Having undergone adoption procedure, you already possessed the necessary information and could advise others?
- I two years, since the end
Ya that this system very expensive on resources, on time - work with each person individually. And in 2001 we started “School for foster parents“ (ShPR) working by the group principle. The first group was for ““ - those who came for children and to a shelter, we knew these people. And we taught one person specially and precisely that he did not take the child: because it already took one child, and the child escaped. And the person instead of drawing conclusions, solved: well, it is the child of such curve - a braid, I will take another, good, and everything will be excellent. Alas, life not to deceive...
After the first School we understood that we spend the enormous number of forces for teaching very small number of people: then there were 7 teachers on 6 listeners.
Then other approach arose: we began to accept all. It not obligatory future trustees or adoptive parents - just the grandmother came from the street, and it is interesting to it. Let her know better as as she, and will speak: there are good fellows, took the child, than will bukhtet in a back to neighbors - adoptive parents. For us it was important to create the positive atmosphere, a favorable environment. Without it it is just impossible. Environment - it very much influences decision-making. People at us are very strongly dependent on foreign opinion: from opinion of relatives, friends, even grandmothers on a porch. Now it is less of it, but then similar influence was felt very strongly.
the Shelter “The road to the house“, 2001
- Turns out, you came from business in volunteers, and then work in the sphere of adoption became a profession. The unusual way - volunteers, seems to me, become more often in youth...
- he does not agree. Those people who come to us with the voluntary help are serious, mature people, professionals in the areas. As a rule, successful and understanding why they do it.I will Honestly tell
: young volunteers are not necessary to us - they have other message. Good cause - to raise money for operations, for pampers and so on. But it is dot actions, not system. And we - that want to change system. And we need people who professionally are able to do something one, but it is good. And anything: to write, be engaged in updates, advertizing. Because we have other task - to help adults, to prompt, to work with municipal authorities, to work with regulatory authorities...
U us, for example, the volunteer who helps to make analytics of an orphanhood in Russia from year to year - Lena Katyushkina is. Importance of such help is invaluable because, understanding what occurs, giving this information to the persons making decisions we can make much more, than feed one - ten - hundred children or to arrange in seven two - three. Because the system so changes.
But have not enough, unfortunately, at us in Russia of those who are capable to work in such mode and without urgings on.
- Happens so what following the results of School someone decides not to take the child?
- Yes, differently happens. So, we have people who do not take children at once. There is a family - they graduated from School three and a half years ago and now only approached adoption. And there are those who do not take children at all, and it in principle - is correct. Because our task - not to convince and teach how to take, and to help to understand: you came for it? Now you want to make it? Do you have resources? Whether you will substitute own family and yourself? We tell in order that people could make the decision and be prepared. Graduates who took the child come to School - or did not take. We invite them: you come, tell, let to you questions be asked. We have very open policy.
the Class reunion of the first groups of School for foster parents
- What changed in practice of adoption during this time?
- Every time, beginning to work with new group, we write on a board what inquiries at our listeners. And every time we change a little - important to follow us tendencies, the legislation, what people ask... Originally there were questions: how to keep secret? How quickly to prepare documents? How to make that nobody knew anything? Generally, to be enough the child and to run.
Now absolutely differently. New group, 39 people. Nobody told about secret of adoption. Yes, they are interested how to tell the child as with relatives to speak. Or as to acquaint children. But here that how to bind a stomach... It is not necessary any more, and it is good. The relation of people changes, becomes more civilized.
But also unpleasant consequences arose. The heap of any relief aids to adoptive parents led to the fact that people who just want to earn from it went to this area, there were abuses. But the foster home is first of all a family, and then already reception. If these relations family, parental not to build, then any money not to solve it.
Sometimes happens it is useful that the state helped. But it should be done reasonably, but not so: there is spare cash - give we them now we will distribute. Here, for example, in Ufa began to pay to adoptive parents an additional maternity capital. Thought: now all in adoptive parents will stretch - nothing similar.
the State inefficiently spends the budget. Full of people who could accept the child on adoption - and both adult, and sick. They need to be helped only a little bit, to prompt, support. But if to throw a roll of money - it flies not to that party where it is necessary: does not help these people, and attracts rather those who want to profit on it.
the First staff of School
- And what do you think of the new law which assumes compulsory education of future adoptive parents?
- idea of compulsory education good - we in 2005 developed such project. But execution at us is a trouble. The decision on an order, on terms, on how it becomes - and experts who will learn, no is made. For example, requirements to the program of preparation in its legal and social part which were issued by the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation are that that not only the expert from agencies of guardianship, but even the official who thought up all this will not be able to read this part of the program.
Then: where such haste? The same England went to it years eighty, the USA in 40 years lifted training. Holland, one of the advanced countries, years 20 spent for it. At us - here and now. And it will lead to the following: those agencies of guardianship which are not capable to carry out it normally will do anything not to do. Will represent activity.
Idea good, I will repeat - execution ugly. Schools do not work, programs are not approved, requirements only - are only accepted. Every month three thousand children cannot be arranged in families before elimination of all these disorders. It has to be the help to people, but not a barrier. Now the barrier turns out.
- Tell about the family. With education of children everything turned out as you wanted?
- I Can tell what all three children at me remarkable though the oldest daughter - from first marriage, and the second - the reception therefore to dump on genes will not turn out (laughs). All children have different mothers, and at some - also fathers, but, nevertheless, all of them something are similar - on some internal spirit, living position.We them never learned
: sit down, do not turn, stand, do not do it, do that. We showed how we do. When I noticed that children adopt all lines - not only good, but also bad - I very strongly exchanged. It helped me, I began to perceive life differently.
the oldest daughter absolutely already adult, has two educations, works, is married, three years to the daughter, I am a grandfather. Only far lives - on the Chinese border, but we often meet: it arrives, I arrive.
to Younger children to both for 19 years, students. The son is a programmer of quite wide profile, now looks for that it is more interesting to it. Earns additionally the administrator. The son provides the Internet - maintenance - finds the necessary subjects in conferences, video, a photo.the Daughter only began to study
, as the biologist. Too it is pleasant to it, yesterday did a task - scooped in a pond to bank with ooze and studied that there in it moves. In 2010 she spent summer vacation in scientific department of a zoo. When everything burned around Moscow, on the street - temperature for 40, the daughter fried thoroughly sand for rodents - with an ultraviolet thrust trays into the muffle furnaces and furnaces. You represent what there the vonishcha and a heat was? It sustained. Means, it is pleasant to it. Still it helps with School as the assistant, the trainee now.
Younger children live with us so far - and this continuous communication. It is impossible to tell how many you give to time family - yes all the time.very often they throw
I - I do not know whether it is correct to call them clients - people who need the help. The daughter strove for several children so that it was necessary even to advise in Voronezh as to establish guardianship.
Young assistants on final ShPR
- What means to you to be a father?
to be a father is to be able to spend personal time for the child. To take a walk, show, something together to make, cut, for example, or to popuskat torablik to talk to it about life. To teach to do by hands something. And head. Perhaps, to hire it, to show how the father works why it does it.I remember
Ya when still I in business was, my children with pleasure listened how the system of vertical trade is under construction, for example: why wholesalers why average wholesalers what role is carried out by retail are necessary are necessary... - to third-graders it was interesting to children. They could feel and see it. And it was useful, it yielded fruits. It is role of the father - to remove in society, to show life mechanisms.
- you it were always able - to be such father?- Is not present
, of course. I was brought up in socialist, communistic system. The father worked from morning to the night - absolutely I did not see him. Mother too. And if it did not happen that the younger daughter appeared, there would be more problems with the oldest daughter. In general I had most of all problems with it - did not know how to communicate with the child. And directive “Do attempts here so!“ punishments senseless - all this was. And changes happened after I began to read, think, analyze, communicate with experts. Then it became very interesting - madly interestingly. The device of a family is the whole branch vital.me it is a lot of
U acquaintances, friends - very rich people. But I cannot call them happy. Unfortunately. Someone has children, at someone is not present. It is not enough to be rich. It is necessary to have a rich inner world and peace of mind. To feel useful. The person is so arranged, his mentality that feeling of pleasure of life, happiness you test, only if feel useful.
- Coming back to
- Actively and constantly I was about a years four there. Then assistants from skilled parents and graduates of School began to appear. Besides, as in any business of management, the collecting routine did not allow to stay for hours in a konfa any more. Now there is not even enough time to look what there occurs. Alas, I appear occasionally, many do not even know who I am and from where. If the help, from a konfa is necessary, from the websites write me to mail. In other day comes on
Most of all to me in a konfa likes the fact that it live that is to a lump deliberately and in detail to answer, support and help - for it big bow to skilled and not indifferent mothers and fathers!