Ekaterina Burmistrova: 10 children and work of
the Name of Ekaterina Burmistrova are well known to readers of magazines for parents, there are her publications and on 7e. Even reading article on diagonal, by all means you will snatch out in the signature - “the psychologist, mother of nine children“. Here about combination of these forms we also decided to talk to Ekaterina Burmistrova, today already mother of ten children - two boys and eight girls. To the senior daughter - 17 years, to the younger son - month.- Rolling
, in your parental family there were some prerequisites to a possession of many children?
- I grew at the only child in an incomplete family. My father - from a family with five children. But it was not the Moscow family, with it I had no communication, any cultural continuity.
A here the grandmother who grew up me mother`s mother - she was one child from seven children. And all of them very much held the friend the friend. There not all survived, someone died in war. Them remained three or four, and all of them very much were on friendly terms. Uncles were from the different cities: we only lived in Moscow therefore at us all stopped in transit. And to summer of all children - grandsons were sent to the most southern brother. From here, probably, I have a feeling that means relatives - the grandmother by all holidays wrote a huge pile of cards.
- And in the childhood, in youth thought that you will have a big family?- Is not present
, at all. People who were on friendly terms with me in the last classes of school close friends, speak now: we were sure that you will have many children. But I - that had an idea that everything will be, as at mother: that I will not be able to construct a family, I will divorce and that there are at all no such men with whom it is possible to build a family. It seemed to me that a normal family - it in general is not especially possible.
In general in large families should be interested not in mothers, but fathers. Such family exists only when there was couple. Yes, the woman bears, brings up, but that these babies became people, the man is necessary.
- And how you found such man?
- It in general is surprising how someone can find someone in such early age. There is such gift. I then studied on a psikhfaka of MSU and worked.
- Why chose psikhfak?
- my choice of profession of the psychologist was affected by acquaintance to mother of the schoolmate who was just a psychologist. She only of parents familiar to me did not shout and normally talked to teenagers. And I decided that I want to learn also. In the tenth class I left the advanced mathematical school - it was necessary to earn on tutors to arrive on psikhfak MSU. It was the sum which equaled to mother`s salary. I changed school for evening and went to work to parents of the friends as the laboratory assistant.
- But then studied at university on a full-time department? How it was combined with work?
- And I always worked. I always knew that I have to have money. On clothes, on trips - on on what mother does not want or cannot give. To cafe it is necessary to go to something? Ringlets should be bought? Generally, there was a feeling that it is necessary to work.
Having entered the university, I became two or three times a week to help to conduct occupations for children. Mother of my girlfriend had an acquaintance who conducted many circles, and she needed the assistant. Then I worked at an after-school club at one of the first private schools - it there was a project of one of mothers of my friends too. In private kindergarten worked as the assistant - too with pleasure I remember. It were
A since a third year study, one may say, became the annex to work. On a third year, in 1995, our oldest daughter, Sonya was born. When it executed year, I became simple to be held apart from parental experience. Plus the gained knowledge - my specialty at university was “development psychology“. And I thought up the first program for children from one and a half to three years with parents, and began to conduct such groups. Now studios for the smallest with drawing, a molding, the movement, games and maternal communication are literally in each yard, and in those days people went through all city.
- Tell a little about this phenomenon - parental clubs.
- They work with married couples at a stage of preparation for pregnancy. Then there already taken place parents come - to improve contact with the child, to resolve some pedagogical difficulties, to increase the psychological culture. It seems to me, it is a phenomenon of the big city where people often live it is separate, without support of relatives. In those clubs where I give lectures now - “Christmas“ and “Jewelry“ - there was very interesting environment, such field for transfer of experience.the Diploma I wrote
that I did on the occupations, and handed over state examinations already with the second daughter in a stomach, with Masha. And at this time I had more and more group occupations - children`s creative studios - not absolutely work of the psychologist. But it as I understand now, helped me to see many mothers with children, to present how their relations develop that very much it was useful further.
lectures about the first year of life So appeared. And then lectures, courses grew together with children. It is possible to tell that each child brought with himself the new program, sometimes not one.
the First Year of Life Program appeared when this vital stage was passed with the first daughter. The program of children`s creative studios with which I began also is connected with it. The Second Children program (now it is called “Children in a family“) took place thanks to the second child. With
- In a family then someone appeared with character?
- Yes, such citizens were strong>. When there was the fifth child, the oldest daughter went to school, someone went to kindergarten, The Child Leaves to the World program - about socialization, the choice of a garden, school, adaptation to that and to another was born. Then, after the birth of the fifth child, I began to conduct Club of having many children - and I conduct it since then monthly already soon 9 years. There different people, as a rule, go to stages of the third - the fourth child.
our Following children are twins. Together with them the Psychology of the Family Relations and Work with Anger programs appeared. Of course, the part of programs I gradually “outgrew“ - they were actual for me as expert and as mothers when I made them. But for listeners with the first child, for example, they are still good.to
It is interesting that during pregnancy by the boy - we have their two, one four years, the second was born quite recently - for some reason is better written. I wrote the majority of articles for magazines and the websites to these periods.
the Family time - management
- And who remains with children when you work?
- At first grandmothers were living, and nurses began to appear then. But we took the nurse not for full day but only for the period of our lack of the house. It, seems to me, very good option - it is possible to cheer up. I am an extrovert, impressions are necessary to me all the time.
Since children appeared, I did not work at a rate, always freelance anywhere. And I always precisely knew how many forces it is necessary to leave on the house. Never worked in the summer, never worked on vacation. However, this luxury should be fulfilled, that is before holiday to work more intensively.
Now at us the help of the nurse was as follows: several hours a day she helps about the house and carries out functions of the adult in a family. That is during our absence everything will tidy up - will prepare, will look after the smallest - what not to a garden and not at school, will meet those who will return from a garden or school. On it this part of routine maternal work lies. I think that if not an opportunity to employ assistants, and children would not be so much.
Yes, mothers who do everything are. It seems to me, it is very heavy. The volume of economic works which could not be divided... Hardly I imagine that would cook every day a 5 liter pan. But if the nurse suddenly does not leave - we will not die. Now oldest daughters grew up, and I can do in time so everything to leave on lecture or consultation in the evening, and girls will stay for seniors. I do not abuse it - children study in a gymnasium, art and music schools.
the Most difficult period - when all small children. And it seems to me that it is one of factors why people stop on three - four children. In general it is a boundary: the husband says that he just thought initially about
- Frequent pregnancy and childbirth do not affect yours health, on health of children?
- I would not tell. For me on the contrary a condition of pregnancy comfortable, I feel better. I think that in general frequency with which people give birth (if are not protected, of course) is, first of all, an individual mood of an organism. Happens that give birth also time in five years.
But I see that a difference around two years - at many. And she is not perceived by me as small.
- And to what age it is possible to nurse?
- Usually till fourth month of pregnancy. To whom as will carry. We have two differences between children - 1 year 10 months and two and a half years. Those who are born in a year and ten are nursed about one year and three, and those who through two and a half, till two years approximately.
Ya not the supporter of feeding after two years. Also did not feed longer even if it would turn out. From my point of view, the detained breastfeeding very strongly influences both the relations, and development of an egocentrism.
- Turns out that the fact that you try to inform parents now is the personal experience imposed on base of psychological knowledge.
- And on experience of consultation. The first years after the termination of university I did not work as the psychologist - the consultant - though I had a diploma, formally I could do it. It seemed to me that experience is insufficient and responsibility is very big.
Then I understood that I can advise concerning children`s development - years through seven maintaining groups and lecturing. And then it became clear that it is useless to be the children`s psychologist because a problem almost always not in the child, and in a family. And it is necessary to work with adults, it is desirable with couple.When I studied
, on a psikhfaka there was no specialty “family psychology“. Therefore actually already practicing in this area, otuchivshs 2 more years, I received the second psychological specialization and became the member of Society of family consultants and psychotherapists.then it became clear to
A that should be dug more deeply. Happens that the person understood everything at the level of a family, but he has at the level of the personality some difficulties. Went to receive the third specialization, too biennial education - the “narrative psychology“ direction.
- it is important For those who come to you to consultation that you have many children?
- For some reason yes. For some reason they consider that it influences quality of consultation. And all want to learn how our family is arranged. And the classical psychotherapist cannot tell about himself - therefore this narrative approach very much suited me. There transparency position: if you are asked, and you not against to answer - answer.Me it seems to
that consultation is the most intelligent type of work with a family.are useful to
of Lecture as experience summation because people grow out of culture of family education. Our generation and generation of our parents did not come into a fortune pedagogical which turned out, probably, earlier in a family when many children when all knew what needs to be done at the same time grew. My children - they own it, seven-year-old can entertain the baby, he knows these games. And we sit at lecture with adults - we study poteshka. Because this experience is interrupted. And it is necessary. And this missing piece of experience can be lectures, is filled with occupations.
Now at me two websites: personal and the website “The Family Grows“ - about development of a family and the relations in it.
- As distributes your time between work and a family?
- At me turns out four now - five days a week with loading on
All rest of the time I with children. It seemed to me earlier that you love children more when you leave them. But now I ripened as mother - I can read, walk, sit with pleasure with them long.
- In school, in a garden, on occupations of children should carry - all this not near the house?
- to us was lucky, we had a wonderful garden in our area, some it was atypical. But now replaced the manager, and we there will not go now any more. Let`s look for some non-state places again: perhaps, younger will go to valdorfsky kindergarten where in due time seniors went.I consider
Ya that the garden is necessary, but not as the place where you hand over the child for all working week. The large family needs a garden to dilute those relations which are at home: that children not only - sisters were able to play with brothers.
of School students is carried in the mornings by the husband - for it it is necessary to give a separate medal. Back - there are drivers, someone goes. We, by the way, are very much helped two years by volunteers from “Mercy“ - wonderful children, students - carry on additional classes. It seems to me, such help is very necessary to large families in the big city.
- What parents having many children differ from others? Or who becomes parents having many children?
- I thought of it much. In - the first, it is vigorous people - energy is really necessary. People are very live, charismatic - the front to order it! And they were involved in process of a roditelstvo: for some reason considered that correctly quite so - it was their decision, but not imposed from the outside. Not the Gipsy foretold. And not the father told that it is impossible to be protected. And the “ideological“ possession of many children frightens me. All this is the family decision and here is important, in - the first, randomness, and, in - the second - coherence. Every time is personal history why the person chooses a possession of many children - or cannot refuse it.