How to grow up the happy person?
to What children rejoice? To candies and chewing gum? To a new toy? Opportunities to choose, where to go to vacation? We so often do not represent that it is actually important for them.At all times people thoughtful and inquisitive wondered
that such happiness and how to reach this state of bliss. In the course of formation of psychology as sciences uncountable researchers tried to reveal the concerning secret, coming at the same time to the most various and often inconsistent conclusions. Not so long ago two Americans, psychologists David Myers and Ad Diner, tried to carry out the comparative analysis of results of former researches. As a result the majority of contradictions wonderfully disappeared, and the amazing fact of existence was found there is nobody kernels of the properties, general for happy people.
- Happy people differ in a high self-assessment.
- Happy people live with feeling that hold life in own hand, highly appreciate the opportunities to exert impact on events and people around. Happy people believe
- in success. They speak:“ If I get down to business, I always manage it“.
- Happy people lean on family and friendly relations. Happy people are capable to be given by
- completely to any task - both in professional activity, and in hobbies.
in relation to adults, but, naturally, concern also to children. Moreover, the “happy“ qualities cultivated in the childhood will bring to the person indisputable benefit and in adulthood. The question is in how to impart to children feeling of own importance, optimism and belief in success, ability to entirely devote itself to some task, strong confidence that your life depends on you.Only you do not say
that the purpose is unattainable and that it is necessary to provide everything to destiny. Of course, it is not simple, but all - is much easier, than we imagine. Considerably an opportunity to impart to children desired confidence depends on parents. Let`s try to depict four steps which should be overcome on this way.the First step
the Child has to learn to occupy with
himself. It has to open that work it gives pleasure and that full immersion in any occupation gives special pleasure.
Sounds as truism - and it and there is a truism. Nevertheless, it is necessary to remind of it constantly: many people of any age do not possess elementary ability to occupy themselves or to entirely devote themselves to a certain task therefore become victims of the paralyzing disease of boredom. Adults in such cases give in to harmful inclinations: drink too much, eat too much, spend too much time in front of the TV. Teenagers fill up time hooligan tricks or look for rescue in the drugs urged to create them a substitute inner world of pseudo-experiences.
A as children for whom it is boring behave? They complain, cling to a mother`s skirt. Instead of drawing on paper, they prefer to scratch walls or to soil wall-paper. Instead of quietly is behind a dining table, wriggle and irritate all. Instead of doing homeworks, look out of the window, and then invent to themselves an illness to acquire the right for the urgent help.
That similar did not occur, children have to learn to occupy themselves: to play, consider pictures, to make, draw, help about the house. And - to say because it is too skill which it is necessary to train. But not to such an extent, that it became the only occupation.the Second step
to the Child needs to give to
an opportunity to do something independently. He has to gain own experience, including - negative. The official pedagogics needed a lot of time to understand it.“ Help me to make it independently“ - to the well-known saying of Maria Montessori, Italian doctor and teacher, nearly hundred years, but adults still strive to explain everything to children, to show how what becomes, depriving of the little person of an opportunity most to find the correct way.
meanwhile the big difference exists whether I show to the child how to put four cubes one on another, or only I prompt. In one case when I for an example of a system to it a turret, it is not satisfied, perhaps, even will overturn a construction at once - at least will destroy it independently. In another - he will be proud that he managed to put cubes.
Art of adults consists in giving to children a little advice, slightly - slightly to help when something is not got on. The such help, the better will be more imperceptible. The two-year-old kid can advise to build a turret closely to a table leg; to the school student - to prompt as it is easier to deal with sense of a text task. Main thing idea: the help has to be such that it did not block own participation of the child in the solution of a task.the Third step to
to Children is necessary to
not only the confidence confirmed with experience that they something can, are able, are capable to do, they have to have an opportunity to show activity also. To be with what plans, offers, ideas people around are considered.
Even in communication with chest babies insufficiently simply infinitely to caress them or to entertain very much. It is more reasonable to do as most of mothers and fathers arrive: they watch the baby, try to understand that he wants “to report“, and then meet his desires, without imposing to the kid own ideas.
to parents should consider further the child too not as wax from which it is necessary to mold the certain form adjusted to the world of adults and as the personality with own representations, own plans and ideas. Only if we consider whenever possible wishes of our children, they will be able to develop feeling of own importance, understanding that they not a certain burdensome annex to a family, and something much bigger.Children have to be convinced by
again and again that they can exert impact. And in a positive form, sharing thoughts, telling about the representations, but not aggressive tricks to which they resort to achieve attention if differently nobody listens to them.
can Almost always give to children the chance to show activity. So, needless to say, that during game the rule works: first of all ideas of children are realized. It is necessary to try to work by the same principle and when it is about the help with economy. If affairs always are only charged to the child if it has no possibility of the independent choice, interest vanishes. It is meanwhile rather simple to inspire in the child important positive feeling of participation in decision-making: “What to prepare for us for lunch?“, “In what we will be engaged on Saturday - Sunday?“, “As you consider, to put on to me a red pullover?“ .
Of course, it does not mean that it is always necessary to arrive just as children want, - it would make them too self-satisfied. However they have to feel that they are taken seriously that they influence decisions, family life. Is shorter that reckon with them.
the Fourth step
We recognize that in some areas children soon will become much more competent and expert, than we. And we quite consciously trust them certain affairs in which we consider them as experts.
When to our son was three years old, it turned into the real specialist in any models of cars, and we in every possible way showed it as it is pleasant to us, asked questions and listened to answers. At ten-year age he undertook part of cares on care of car because he perfectly understood valves and change of oil. In several years its interests switched to Darwin and evolution, and we patiently listened to his more and more detailed explanations of the theory of an origin of species (even if on it not one hour sometimes left). Whether it helped it with life at least slightly - slightly? Quite perhaps...