Rus Articles Journal

Men and change: why they do it?

Desire to arrange itself a break between lessons of life or dashing change of scenery arise at men quite often. And, happens, it is successfully carried out what often wives do not guess. Why men change and what type of the man will be solved on an adultery quicker?

Sometimes husbands are proud of the feats and will never accept the definition referred to itself “traitor“. Never and for anything. But how differently to call “cheerful person“ who has a ball during pregnancy or an illness of the wife moreover, happens, and awards the spouse with the disease acquired during hussar feats? According to dermatovenerologists, similar cases, unfortunately, are too frequent to consider them exclusive.

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Yes, it is necessary in which already to take time into account that men are arranged differently. They have to ego-trip constantly and something like that to themselves and to prove to the companions on reason. The marriage relations at the same time settle down in their consciousness absolutely in other plane and have no relation to love affairs. Well, really! Well - that here it! Well, the person on paper plates toy pools left in a shooting gallery to do some shooting, not in the murderer to write down it!

Needs only to regret that in objective reality such deal does not approach because at least two figures in the game started by the man, namely the wife and the mistress, will not begin to play by his rules. Just because they - others. And at them excellent from man`s idea of the role. And the man decided to play with them in deep feelings only for the sake of feeling of a victory. Though, of course, we will not simplify. Not always the desire “to play pranks“ becomes motive of illegitimate communications.

So, here main reasons of changes:

  1. Aspiration to new feelings. It is characteristic of the people inclined to hedonism, that is the pleasures seeking to receive from life at most. Also spouses with a long standing of joint life are inclined to searches of new love feelings.
  2. Love. Yes! It! There are marriages based on rational constructions either on benefit, or on fear of lonely life. Some time (to a meeting with true love) they exist and even, at a foreign look, are quite safe. But here - the inspiration, lightning flash - and at once changes everything!
  3. Impossibility or a lack of physical proximity - from - for diseases, separations, pregnancies.
  4. Absence of feeling of own need for a family.
  5. Absence of family heat and love, search of mutual love.
  6. Desire to revenge for marital infidelity.
  7. Aspiration to ego-trip, check the opportunities. It is especially characteristic of the men marrying the first in their life woman. Sooner or later they seek to check the man`s force on other representatives of an opposite sex. The same aspiration seizes also men of crisis age (from 50 and above).
  8. Desire to receive new energy, inspiration. Such motive of change is characteristic of people of art: musicians, actors, artists.
  9. Combination of circumstances. Here the speech most often goes about casual, single contacts which are not characterized by duration and attachment.

the Most unpleasant and the phrase which is not corresponding to the true situation - a consolation which for some reason can be spoken to the girlfriend, the heart-broken opened change: “Spit, all of them are such!“ No, no and no! I will not agree with it at least because for a long time, so far collected materials for this book, methodically interrogated men on all questions concerning me. About changes asked to answer honestly, it is at least simple “yes“ or “no“: was or was not. The desire to develop a subject was welcomed.

the Result at me turned out such: about 50% of the interrogated married men during the different periods had rather long-term (not less than a year) communication (communications) on the party. All reasons kept within the listed above 9 points.

To these 50% we can add on about 25% of those who it is casual, on combination of circumstances, came into sexual contacts on the party. To these contacts it was not added any sensual and furthermore spiritual interest, was talked only of sex.

Me literally was shaken by the friend of my youth who rather in detail explained me the position in this question. He told that for it the proximity with other woman could become the beginning of new love, and it is the tragedy. “For whom?“ - I asked. “For me, for the wife first of all“, - the answer followed.“ And then - same a sin“, - my faithless friend added.

you know

I - I am still heated by this conversation when I remember it.

So, as you can see, “they“ are not all “such“. Despite improbable degradation of morals of the last years. Has to tell that with depreciation of fidelity in marriage we came very far. In the West, where people, having passed through madness of sexual revolutions and having experienced total loneliness of the person in the world of people, the percent of the married men who were not fooling around and essentially not going to do it much higher returned to understanding of value of marriage.

What

the man will change rather?

Get accustomed attentively to the partner in life (or to the one whom only you are going to make by the satellite). Compare his behavior to the description of types of the persons inclined to the introduction in illegitimate communications:

  1. Cheerful person. It likes to win the hearts. In it he sees proofs of the appeal. He is not going to bear responsibility for the scolded feelings of that who had misfortune to fall in love with him. The main thing - a victory. It is capable of fine gestures during hazardous fight. It will send to the next lady a bouquet of flowers with a touching note. He will suit a romantic dinner. He will arrange everything so that to look “the man of general dream“. At the same time he will not want to leave the wife at all. It - its back. Not everyone is capable to bear series of its numerous changes. However he has the gift of belief, and the wife surprisingly long suffers these fluctuations of a pendulum: from the next change to repentance, etc. of
    Some cheerful persons before a marriage warn future wives about the behavior. And the bride takes it into consideration. But at all not because it agrees to suffer such situation further: even knowing about intolerable defects of character and behavior of the groom, she is for some reason sure of an opportunity everything easily and to change quickly. There is enough that future husband pledged it the word. This surprising blind confidence in own forces and charms always (I emphasize, always) plays a mean joke. The husband changes nothing in himself, the wife is sure that he artfully deceived her. In case you are warned in advance, play a fair play, do not accuse the person for the own choice.
    Life with the “polygamous“ partner - a heavy chain of continuous unpleasant opening as each of the mistresses fascinated by it will do everything that in its forces forever to catch darling. Of course, will be and are ringing, and the letters telling the truth. And there are a lot of other “charming“ details. (For example, the wife, sorting baggage of the husband who came back after a working trip, finds woman pants - ardent hi to the spouse from the mistress.) To maintain all this, the strongest motivation and improbable sense of humour are necessary.
  2. in search of new happiness. Men of middle age (for 50), with a solid experience of matrimonial life and the grown-up children treat this type. They are very in a forceful mood, dreaming to begin new life with the young wife. The grown old wife is left without special regrets.
  3. Responsible family man. Happens that the husband, responsibly and lovingly belonging to the wife and children, not allowing even thought of divorce, gets an extramarital affair. The reason of it is most often covered in evasion of the wife from sexual proximity regular and necessary for it. She really is tired, adjusting daily, uninterrupted and model existence of the family. She to everything, concerning family, takes so keen interest that on night brisk and joyful contacts it simply does not have forces. The husband accepts it and starts on the party communication without emotional dependence, for additional pleasure. If similar to it the married woman (responsible and loving the family) becomes the partner, then marriage is threatened by nothing on neither side (if, of course, all rules of conspiracy are followed).
  4. Traitor necessarily. In life there is everyone. Sometimes there is a casual change about which the husband is going to forget right there, to erase an unpleasant episode from memory. The trouble is that the episode seeming casual quite could be arranged by the mistress, any ways looking for the constant partner. She - that will also try that in the opinion of the wife casual fleeting communication looked not so casual. Calculation is simple here: the wife, having learned about change, has to expel the husband immediately. However, as a rule, in this situation the mistress is left with nothing (how developed as a result of the relation in a family which she tried to destroy).

From the book “Lie as the Man, Manipulate as the Woman“