Synologiya for mothers - a short course of education of boys of
“Boys are not similar to girls, and we know it. However, from my point of view, all this talk that men and women - from different planets also have absolutely different brains gives nothing good to mothers. Do not forget that between you and your son it is much more of general, than a miscellaneous“, - the New Zealand psychologist with
Ya I will give three councils for each stage of a growing of boys, from kids to teenagers. Just bigger number of councils is not required to you. There is no sense to give two tens - so much you simply do not remember. There is quite enough also of three.
(2 - 6 years)
Kids - very amusing creations. It is very important stage of development of communication as children begin to make offers of words to understand world around and to interact with it. If to teach them as it is possible for the bigger number of words for understanding and interpretation of emotions, they will be able to react to life more flexibly, than those who have a smaller lexicon.
Kids amusing also because experience quite narrow range of emotions, but with such intensity that it is capable to amaze. They often are angry, and their rage amplifies approximately from two to three years. Then hysterics for the first time appear. Your remarkable one-and-a-half-year-old kid suddenly falls into rage of improbable force, but, fortunately, insignificant on scale. He shouts, bangs legs about a floor, throws things and looks very angered.
If you think that your child plays improbable tricks, come on YouTube and print in the searcher of “hysteric“. At this age all of them so behave. On their developing brains as if the small wave of rage which they cannot control rushes. They have to wait until it burns out. These hysterics are called by disappointment when they cannot do that want as you forbid them when they lack for this purpose movement skills or when they cannot receive a red cup.with
I was always amazed by ease with which kids are upset. At them incredibly brittle heart, and any trifle, from laying to sleep to impossibility to watch Sponge Bob on TV, can break it into hundreds of small splinters. Fortunately, they bring together themselves for only a few seconds that removes stress a little.
Here my councils for communication with kids.
- you Have fun.
Is remarkable age therefore try to take out from it a maximum. Start as much as possible silly talk. Stir about butterflies, pools and cubes. You say so much how many you can. Explain with
- to it all richness of the choice.
If it learns that except rage exist pleasure, grief, confusion, fear, surprise, courage, gloominess, melancholy (kids love this word), mourning, happiness and many other things, you from the very beginning will let it know that its choice is much broader, than just rage or just pleasure. If you ask the kid whether not gloomy he and as you - nibud funny will beat it, will be pleasant to him even if it is really not too cheerful. Invent
- as often as possible and izoshchrenny.
Cannot overestimate all importance of deception. It is fun a great lot - both for you, and for it. At such age they trust any nonsense therefore you have an opportunity to create around them the whole worlds of magic and magic. It is the enormous power, but it is very short-term so use it while you can.
Big boys (7 - 11 years)
Big boys begin to understand all power of communication as tool. Even if they do not use an impressive lexicon, their life is full events which seem to them extremely important. However the most part of the fact that they tell or show to parents, looks it is a little banal. The reason is that their stories are really banal. whether > So to us it is interesting to p to know
that today in a class Johnny Brown turned the paints, they spread on a table, Mrs. Smith was necessary to wipe them, and Johnny began to cry, and Mrs. Smith asked Mollie to help it, but Mollie did not want because Johnny offended her at breakfast... and so on, and so forth? No, it is not interesting to us at all. And we are not always honest. Sometimes we are completely busy with preparation of a dinner or we want to finish somewhat quicker work, without having the slightest desire to go into detail of the drama of Johnny with paints. >
However it is important to p to make efforts and to show it as far as it is possible that it is interesting to you. Content of talk happens boring, but he has to understand that with it it is always interesting to you. Nobody will be able to follow it for hundred percent (how many times I tried to be attentive when to me retold the seventy eighth series about Sponge Bob again), but we have to try. There will pass several years, the pendulum will shake, and talk will temporarily run low so now - it is a high time to show it that you nearby and to you it is interesting.
Here three of my councils for communication with big boys:
- Show interest. it Is sometimes really difficult
. However try to be interested in his life, and when your son becomes a teenager, he will know that his mother will always have time to listen to him.
- Teach him to flexibility.
Help it to develop flexible approach to the emotional reactions. Usually at the height of a rage attack you will be able to make nothing unless to try to calm it therefore leave blamestorming session for later. Conversations before going to bed - the best time for discussion of a splash of anger. Ask: whether there was a different way to react to a situation, or how it understood it - the only option which came to its mind?
- Develop his self-confidence. Here everything is simple
: it is only necessary to tell that he is a clever boy and will be able to understand it. Tell that he perfectly understands the emotions: you will not force to feel it what, in his opinion, does not suit it. Add that he is a strong person, it will not allow feelings to prevail, having pushed on the wrong acts.
is a stage of finding of confidence and experience. In every way show that you inquire in the events in its world. It is sometimes boring, but if you decide to learn what big boys see the world, you are expected by a set of interesting opening.
(12 - 18 years)
For mothers it is quite difficult period as teenagers quite often seem strange. It is difficult to understand how the lovely nine-year-old boy who endlessly embraced you turned into the grumbling fourteen-year-old teenager behaving so as if you - an obstacle in its way fortunately. Instead of words - grumble, handshake by shoulders and even angry views. Usually mothers are frightened by lack of communication. The worst that can be made here, it to try to pressure him. Some mothers make a mistake, believing that if they speak long enough, eventually the son should answer something.
All on the contrary. He will only even more become angry.
Remember that the ordinary teenager - the absolute pragmatist, so, he does not see sense in talk. Why to it to tell about the day? Day already passed. Why to tell about plans for the future? Them or still not, or he does not want to speak about them in case at it nothing will leave, then it will look silly. Why to tell that he thinks? These are his thoughts, and to them has to be to nobody affairs.
Here my councils for communication with mysterious teenagers:
- Free space.
do not fill up it with words. Let`s it breathe freely. He will think of what you told if it has such opportunity. Sometimes it is enough to ask a question and to leave the teenager alone with it. The more you will give freedoms to it, the more he will think of your words.
- the Pragmatism - all this.
the Teenager lives on a formula “Why to Me It Is Necessary?“ . If you understand it, half-affairs is made. When you speak with it, try to give the reasons from the point of view of efficiency that he saw in them advantage and benefit. The have less than
- , the better.
Most important what it is necessary to remember in conversation with teenagers: it is as little as possible words. Do not use commas in the offers and as seldom as possible ask questions. Best of all short, simple, accurate requests work. The more in your offer of words, the it is more at it opportunities to start dispute.
It does not mean that you should not talk to teenagers, however try to choose the moments correctly. You have to be as the Buddhist nun - with an emphasis not on a monastic way of life, and on Buddhist approach to a training subject. The Buddhist will never come to you to preach: he will wait until he is called. If you ask, he with pleasure will tell everything that you want, but will never be imposed - at first you have to ask.
If to use this approach in communication with the son - the teenager, your relations will become much more productive, and he will begin to listen to you. It is not necessary to teach him: wait until he asks.Sometimes should wait for
From the book “Synologiya. Mothers who are bringing up sons“