Why we are such angry?
Then, there meet reasonings on “why we, unlike polite, tolerant Europe, such angry?“ On everything leaves that such we spiteful, there is no place further. And on roads we cut, in shops at each other we rush, and in the subway without apologies of a leg we trample down, and we break on those who are weaker. Not society - animal pack.
A all why? Yes because around stress. Everywhere supposedly we break personal borders (us in everything control, and ourselves we do not belong long ago), the silly and humiliating restrictions (for example, streets for journey of the top officials are blocked, and in days of meetings the central metro stations are closed) are introduced, curtailed human rights and the citizen (here stand, do not stand here, do not walk and do not breathe). Here from where the main thing is evil. And as we (from there, “from above“) are “humiliated“ all the time and “put into place“, it is no wonder that the feeling of a protest is born in the soul and there is an aggression - as means of self-defense, as a way to defend and protect that valuable that each person has - his own I. Only this reciprocal aggression at the wrong door - not is directed to those who “humiliate“, and on those who are not guilty of anything nearby and, in general.
In psychology such concept - an external locus of control is. Its essence consists in what (first of all - failures) of people sees the prime cause of all the achievements and failures not in itself, and in other people or circumstances . Did not pass examination - the teacher filled up it, wrote the bad report - it is because the next department did not provide data in time, the car for the wrong parking was taken away on an auto pound - all this traffic police is ferocious. The person with an external locus of control will always find guilty of the troubles and misses, will always find an explanation why he badly lives, earns a little and snaps in public transport. It is in general our national line - we like to blame for global things and small disorders the government, “officials“, housing and communal services, neighbors - anyone, only not ourselves. Therefore it is unsurprising, as the reason of own aggression we as children, we look for somewhere outside. Actually, of the reason of human aggression - always internal .
you Remember Gogol Acacius Akakiyevich? The little person whom all shpynyat and offend. Shpynyat and offend usually any “little“ person. Even if he - a pawn, and thinks himself a queen. Because it a pawn - first of all for. He (often unconsciously) feels small and worthless. And around fully big and strong which sleep and see if only to put it into place.
the person always has a choice: to be “small“ or “big“. To feel small or not. To continue to tsiklitsya on the it is aggravated - painful I or to try to see I other person. And to give way to it in a stopper - because next time it will concede to you.Moscow to tears does not trust
Already calls nobody into question the fact that we in the capital live in hostile environment where everyone survives as he can. But we not angry - we are unfortunate. Uncomfortable. Vain. Our mentality just does not maintain a rhythm of the big city, eternal bustle, a crowd and abundance of strangers - in the subway, in shops, on roads. From here - a constant, chronic stress, and from here - aspiration though somehow to dump enormous tension (“to exhaust“).We are so arranged to
: in us it is spontaneous and continuous, in this or that quantity, with this or that speed negative energy collects. It is saved, saved, we constrain it, and then - bang! explosion! - broke. But breaks this energy outside only when to us it is bad - when we were tired, we feel hungry, pain (including sincere), danger, we feel shortage of space or are touched with something - that is in response to the irritating, stressogenny factors. However nevertheless main “instigator“ of aggression - not external circumstances, and the displeasure experienced by us, unpleasant feelings, frustration, negative affect.
is Told that in this unsafe, hostile environment to remain quiet, it is necessary to be the Saint. It is not necessary. It is necessary just to be mentally mature person. To mentally mature person others emotions do not “stick“. The secret is that such person accurately realizes the borders and can separate the emotional state from a condition of another. Such person understands that if the chief shouts at him (husband, mother, aunt in turn, to substitute the), personally it does not concern to him in any way. That the chief (the husband, mother, the aunt in turn) has the right for any feelings, including not the most pleasant. Any of us can be dissatisfied, be irritated, angry, we are living people, not robots. Another matter - whether we are able from these emotions “culturally“, without having touched anybody, to get rid. And it is already a question of education - and again - a mental maturity.the Mental maturity does not mean
at all that it is necessary to press, extinguish by all means in itself negative energy and aggressive impulses. No. The aggression directed in itself is even more destructive. Any negative emotion has to be competently experienced, and internal tension - is discharged (it is desirable physically).the Punching bag and dances to exhaustion
Harmless to surrounding ways of removal of tension, actually, are a lot of
: it is possible to beat, for example, a desktop punching bag (by the way, such give to many chiefs), to run heels of kilometers, to tear a pile of newspapers, to dance to the heart`s content to exhaustion, to wash the floors, to shout a bit in “a sack for shouts“ (I joke, it for children). is perfectly helped Still by breath : a deep breath and a slow, attentive exhalation, a breath - you - y - ydokh, a breath - you - y - ydokh.
But the main thing that needs to be done when the torn aggressive energy here - here destroys all live: to trace the state, to realize it and to speak the arisen feelings (“so, I am angry now, oh, strongly I am angry, directly I am indignant, breaks off me from rage, here I will explode now“). It is also useful to try to describe the physical feelings at this moment: here everything contracted, there strained, on a body goosebumps, hands are squeezed in fists, lips shiver... Until you select expressions, already and you will begin to calm down. And in general it is worth introducing more healthy indifference in the life: train simply, without emotions, to perceive what occurs around and not to react to the events in any way.“ Include“ the philosopher - then many vital circumstances and small inconveniences will cease to touch you.with
of All, of course, the question still concerns what to do with surrounding hostile environment? How to react to all who prevent to live? A mental maturity - it, of course, is good, but when around all on a platoon, itself involuntarily you become same, huh?
there is in psychology such opinion: what of people - such situations to it also “come“ . And other opinion close: everything that I see in people around - all this mine . If I notice envy, indifference, contempt or rage around - means, it is also in me. If in me it was not, then I would have be nothing it to see in others, you understand? So of change in the outside world always begin with changes in itself . That around there was less than the aggressive and embittered persons, it is necessary to smile more most.
I still. Very often behind hostile, conflict behavior there is not a natural aggression and not increased irascibility, and just fear. Fear to be rejected, misunderstood. Fear to be mocked, to seem silly or incompetent. Remember it when someone tells you something bad. If behind the next roughness you see not an ill-bred block, but the person, lonely among crowd, you will not want to say reciprocal scurrilous thing any more.will be grudges
Not of - it.