Grant to the child the right for a mistake! A mantra for the adult of
of the Mistake happen different. And children made them, make and will make. I will tell seditious: children have to make many mistakes, silly and different - such is life.
As we, adults, usually react to mistakes of children? In - the first, it is lightning: we dive on the child as an eagle on the victim. And in - the second, emotionally and, I would even tell, very loudly.
What to do? Have patience. Do not react hasty. Take a time - a miss. You hold a pause. Stop own first impulsive and excessively emotional reaction to the child`s mistake. You are upset? Are angry? And are even angered? In that case avoid communication with house and especially with children. Endure an impulsive stage alone, “that then was not excruciatingly painful“ (child) and it is a shame (you) with everything told and made.
When we abuse the child, without wishing that, we let it know that it - bad that we do not love it. Especially harmfully to abuse for misses and oversights of small children and younger school students - it reduces a self-assessment of the growing person, doing him uncertain, shy, indecisive and nervous. To abuse more senior children simply not really effectively, and with teenagers - at all it is dangerous: it is possible to push away for a long time them from itself, having destroyed before good relationship. >
As it is correct to p to react to mistakes?
Should not focus long attention - the and the child - on the made mistake. Instead it should show an exit from the created situation.
Dear adults, do not go in cycles in the one who is guilty and as it is more sick to punish him. Concentrate together with the child better on what to do. And with more senior child concentrate also on what from this follows.
do not demand to behave always from the kid approximately, do not wait for obedient youth and in general - perfect and faultless life of your offspring. Neurotic parents can want and demand impossible - but to do it just senselessly! They shout, abuse, at the same time offending and humiliating the child. It comes to confusion: “I was mistaken! What to do?!“. And the adult does not prompt it a way to improve situation. And the paradigm is fixed in consciousness of the kid: “I was mistaken. I - bad!“.
Further the growing person himself will look for an exit. And, maybe, will find such: “I was mistaken. It is necessary to hide everything, otherwise to me it will be bad“. It suits you?
When parents delicately prompt to the child a real way to correct an error, he learns to take the responsibility for the misses and to try to obtain their correction. The paradigm is created:“ Itself was mistaken - itself and correct (or ask about the help)“, or “I am responsible for the mistakes“.
the good example of correction of a mistake. Thereby we grant to the child the right to be rehabilitated, the right to expiate and make amends. Any person, at growing especially, by all means has to have such right. >
As it is the best of all for p to react the adult to mistakes, oversights and misses of children? Quietly, positively, structurally! For some reason many are sure that to shame the child and at once to force to apologize for deeds (and it is frequent he and did not want to do anything bad!) - it is the best technique. But, it not so, dear adults, it absolutely not so!
be not vindictive At all. You should not remind endlessly the child that that day and in that hour he lost the gym shoes, was late for a lesson, forgot to hand over a notebook on check, broke new game, tore the book, received the two, broke a window, etc. Many adults believe it education process - only education of what? Why several times, and it “is even better“ - as much as possible time to remind the child of it? Yes, we will remember to the child all a minute of anger!it is not necessary to
, stop! You destroy a self-assessment of the little person. You spoil to the child mood and nerves at the same time. Besides, the negative emotions you block any desire to study on mistakes, as so at children passes with a scratch, I would even tell, with a loud gnash.by
Dear adults, be appeased, stop! Allow the child (any age!) it is quiet and joyful to live, making as new, and repeating the same old mistakes, and in general putting mistakes continually! By the way, children will do it all the same - and without ours on that blessings.
At quietly - constructive reaction of adults to the made mistake the child will understand quicker what occurred and that now with it to do. But to it adults owe and can create conditions for effective study. And we, unfortunately, look for the simplest and fast solution: “On it as will cry as legs will begin to knock...“.
Quickly does not happen to children. And simply - especially. In my opinion, it is not necessary quickly, and it is necessary - well! And in general, that we all about mistakes, let more speak with children about progress!
you - perfection?
Hardly you consider yourself by an ideal, perfection and innocent creation. Therefore I am better not to use in the speech the phrase “Here, for example...“ . Gradually at children perfectly it turns out to find counterexamples as opposed to our, such wise and pedagogically correct. Personally you up as an example another has the right to hold only the child - and if you waited for it, it is, really, grandiose success!you Know
that the most difficult for parents? No, not to raise the child, not to look after him, without filling up nights. No, not to provide the child it is material. And even not to accept the child it what he is. No! As shows life, the most difficult for adults is ability at first to make out mistakes in own behavior, to recognize them, and then to begin to correct. To correct not misses and the child`s errors, but the misses and mistakes. If it to you on a shoulder, then you are really wise tutor. The matter is that so far the adult does not see (does not want to see?) own parental mistakes also does not recognize them, it also cannot change anything.
Hurrah! I am mistaken, so I exist!
Ya I am mistaken, so - not the idler!
Ya I am mistaken. Means, I live!
I exactly the same happens to my child.
the Correction of mistakes for parents
Exercise № 1. Repetition. Learn this mantra by heart and in a whisper repeat it before going to bed. When you are houses one, you can repeat a mantra at the top of the voice.
Exercise № 2. Frank recognition of own mistake. (I want to warn: not at all it will turn out at once). Having made a mistake, try to tell, looking to children in eyes: “I was not right, sorry, allow me to improve!“ Most likely, children will arrive then in the same way.
Exercise № 3. Rehabilitation. Forgive the child for the made mistake at once and with ease, but at the same time ask from him compensation. In other words, give it the chance to be rehabilitated.
Exercise № 4. Blamestorming session. Instead of notations and abuse try to carry out the analysis of the incident together with the child. Ask it a simple question: “How you think why so it turned out?“. And following question: “What you think to do farther to correct it?“. Do not prompt at once and furthermore do not give to children ready answers - let them look for them.
Exercise № 5. “Just keep silent“. (Exercise of the increased difficulty!)
Why we, adults, with foam at a mouth prove the case to children? Whether it is worth showing endlessly it - with pride and awareness of own importance? Such at our children work - all the time to be mistaken, and, therefore, to study. Next time instead of the phrase “and I to you what told?!“ just keep silent. Grant to the child the right for a mistake.
From the book “How to Become the Phenomenal Parent and to Establish the Family Of Special Function“