Divorce - loss of dream
“Divorce - not a reason for fun, but also not a reason for suicide. To divorce is to cease to stake on the partner and therefore it is loss at least illusions, dreams, the project. But it does not mean to cease to stake in general on couple, especially if we are capable to understand that it is more important to get rid of bonds, than (besides, and sometimes and instead) to separate from the person. It is the only guarantee that next time it will turn out to create others, other sort bonds - with the new person or with the same“.
These words belong to the famous Argentina writer and the psychologist, the specialist in the psychodrama and a Gestalt - Jorge Bucayu`s therapies. Its collections of parables of “History for reflections“, “To love with open eyes“ are translated into 17 languages, including Russian. In June there is Jorge Bucaya and Silvia Salinas`s new book “Everything is finished“ - how to begin new life after a rupture of the relations. It is turned to all who endure a gap now or passed through it in the past. As authors write:“ To endure pain - does not mean to force a wound to disappear. It means - to observe its every time when you go to a shower, to touch it and to realize what to touch it is not sick any more“.
the Fragment from the book - a parable about the Island of feelings - we publish today.
once. Also there lived, of course, together the Fear, Wisdom, Lyubov, Grief, Envy, Hatred... All of them were there. Despite some friction natural at cohabitation, their life was exclusively quiet and even predictable. Sometimes the Routine did so that the Boredom fell asleep, or Impulsiveness made some scandal, but most often Constancy and the Consent managed to calm Discontent.
Once, it is unexpected for all inhabitants of the island, the Knowledge called all on meeting. After the Absent-mindedness at last realized about what the speech, and Laziness reached the place, all were assembled.then the Knowledge told
- I have for you a bad news: the island sinks.
All feelings living on the island responded:
- No, cannot be! We live here from time immemorial!the Knowledge repeated
- the Island sinks.
- But it cannot be! You are mistaken!
- the Knowledge almost is never mistaken, - told the Consciousness confident in the correctness. - If it says that it sinks, so really sinks.
- But what now to do to us? - they asked each other.Then the Knowledge answered
- Of course, everyone can do that will want, but I advise you to find a way to leave the island... Construct the ship, the boat, a raft or something that will help you to departure because the one who will remain on the island will disappear together with it.
- And you could not help us? - all of them asked together because all of them trusted in its force.- Is not present
, - told Knowledge, - we with Foresight constructed the plane, and as soon as I finish the message, we will depart on the next island.
of Feeling cried:- Is not present
! No! What will be with us?Having told
it, the Knowledge rose in the plane together with the partner, and they, taking away a hare Fear which be not a fool in advance hid in the motor, left the island.
All feelings were engaged in construction of the boat, ship, a sailing vessel... All... except Love. The love was so connected with each corner of the island that told:
- to Leave this island... After everything that I experienced here... How I can leave at least this tree? Ah... How much here it is endured...
I so far feelings were engaged in a construction of a survival equipment, Lyubov climbed up each tree, inhaled aroma of each rose, left on the coast and rushed on sand as she did it in days of old. Touched each stone... also stroked each branch...
Having come to the coast from where sunrise, with the naivete inherent in love was visible, it began to reflect:
“Perhaps the island will leave under water for a while... and then will emerge again... Why not?“
I day after day it remained there, measuring height of inflow and outflow to learn whether really the sinking of the island is irreversible...
A the island left more and more deeply each time...However Love and did not come to
to mind to begin to build something, she so suffered that could groan and mourn that lost only.Once it came to
to mind that the island is very big and even if it slightly also will sink, it is always possible to take refuge in higher part... Anything, if only not to leave. The small concession never was for it a problem.
So she once again touched all stones ashore... also stretched on sand... and again dipped legs into water on the small beach which was once huge...
Then, not too thinking of the retreat, went to northern part of the island which, though not really was pleasant to it, was highest... And the island every day all fell gradually... And the Love shelter every day became less...
- After all that we endured together... - she reproached the island.
At last day when there was only a small island of the firm earth came; all the rest was completely covered with water.at this moment Lyubov realized
that the island actually leaves under water. She understood that if she does not leave the island, the love will forever disappear from the face of the earth...Running
on the flooded footpaths, jumping through water, Lyubov hurried in a bay.
Any more; she wasted too much time, without recognizing that it loses everything, and mourning what gradually disappeared on her eyes.
could see her companions on different vessels From here. She hoped to explain everything, and then someone from her companions will understand her and will take away.
Inspecting the sea, she saw the floating ship of Wealth and began to give it signs. The wealth approached a bay a little.
- the Wealth, at you is such big ship whether you can transport me on the next island? I so suffered from disappearance of this island that I could not construct to myself the boat...the Wealth answered
- I is so loaded with money, treasures and jewels that I have for you no place, sorry, - and, without looking back, continued the way.the Love continued to watch
and noticed Vanity by the magnificent ship full of jewelry, suspension brackets, marble and fresh flowers of all shades.It very much drew with
attention to itself(himself).
Lyubov stood up on tiptoe and cried:
- Vanity! Vanity! Take me with yourself!the Vanity looked at
on Lyubov and told:
- I with pleasure would take you with itself, but... you have such look! You look so unpleasantly... you such dirty and slovenly! Sorry, but, I think, you will disfigure my ship, - and departured.So Lyubov asked
about the help from each of feelings. At Constancy, Sensuality, Jealousy, Indignation and even at Hatred. And when she thought that already more nobody will float by, she saw the small boat, the last, in it there was a Grief.
- Grief, the sister, - she told, - you so well know me, you will not leave me here, you same sensitive, as well as I... You will take me with yourself?the Grief answered
- I would take you with myself, believe, but to me that is and - joint stock company is sad... that it is better for me to be alone, - and, without having told anything any more, was removed.
the Poor thing Lyubov at last understood that from - for the attachment to what she so loved, now it together with the island will disappear in the ocean.
Then she took seat on the last small piece of the island and began to wait for the end... Suddenly Lyubov heard that someone calls her:
- Hey - hey - hey...
the Unfamiliar old man gave it signs from the boat. Lyubov was surprised.
- You call me? - she asked, having pressed a hand to a breast.
- Yes, - the old man answered, - you. Went with me, rise in the boat, and we will row together, I will rescue you.Lyubov looked at
on it and tried to explain:
- The matter is that I remained...
- I Understand, - the old man told, without having allowed it to finish speaking, - get into the boat.
Lyubov rose in the boat, and they together began to row, moving away from the island.Not enough time passed
, and they saw how the last plot of land went to water and the island disappeared forever.
- will Nevermore be such island as this, - Lyubov, perhaps whispered, expecting that the old man will object it and will give some hope.- Is not present
, - the old man never told, - such as this,-.
When they came to the neighboring island, Lyubov understood that she continues to live. She realized that will exist further. She turned back to thank the old man, but that, without having pronounced words, disappeared also mysteriously, as well as appeared.
Intrigued, Lyubov moved off in Wisdom searches to ask it:
- As it can be? I do not know it, and he rescued me... Nobody even understood that I have no boat, and it helped me, he rescued me, and I have no idea who is he...Wisdom long enough looked
to it in the face, then told:
- It is the only opportunity to achieve that the love survived when pain of loss forces it to think what cannot already be continued further. The only opportunity to give to love new chance when it seems that it dies away forever. Lyubov, your savior - Time.
From the book “Everything Is Finished“