How to cope with the whimsical child of
That dements parents more often and strongest, so it is whimsical boys and girls. The New Zealand psychologist with
Power of the directed attention
Is not present anything of that kind - I repeat, nothing is perfect, - that would be made even on force to attention of parents. By means of only one attention it is possible to explain and solve a set of problems.
But why the attention so strongly works?the Answer is simple
: it at us in blood. Think that there passed at most 10 000 years as we got out of caves. By the standards of history of our planet, it a half-instant. We share 99 percent of genetic material with a chimpanzee though to me such people who as I am sure, divide 99,9 percent of the genetic material with a chimpanzee sometimes met.
From this it follows that from the biological point of view we only hairless monkeys with ability to exchange text messages. Probably, just for this purpose at us the separate thumb on a hand also developed. Despite all achievements of a civilization, in our brain a lot of things remained from animals. Sometimes at us very well it turns out to discuss difficult subjects, such as advantages of plasma TVs before kineskopny, but under all this external chatter brains and the savage`s hearts disappear.All behavior of children is directed to
to those who care for them. If you still small also cannot take care of yourself independently, then, most likely, in the jungle you long will not stretch. You will be just eaten.
you, has to be, more than once saw a similar picture: at a table two children. One quietly eats, and another knocks on a plate a spoon and scatters food. Parents fuss over the hooligan, without noticing the quiet child. They constantly speak: “Do not do it, Emily, and that you will go to the room!“ And to what the quiet child studies? To the fact that if you want to draw attention of parents, it is necessary to knock on a plate a spoon and to scatter food.
you sometime thought of why children so easily adopt bad habits? Because we give too much attention to these habits. If to pay attention only to bad habits, then thereby the bad behavior will only be consolidated. Other children will want to do the same to draw the same attention to themselves.Bad behavior we encourage
with the most different phrases.
Here only some of them.
“Tarquinii, stop! long you to ask“
“, Tarquinii? how many times I told“
“Of Tarquinii, I warn you last time...“
“Of Tarquinii, stop to torment a parrot!“
“TARKVI - And - INY!“ >
it is very easy for p to Pay attention to bad behavior. The bad behavior itself is evident. I often hear how parents speak: “It as if purposely does it to anger me!“
It is natural, children do it purposely. They not that specially are going to dement us, just draw our attention. Perhaps they would also like to make us happy, but if we become angry, then also it will descend. It does not mean that it is necessary to close eyes to bad behavior absolutely. But 90% of all bad behavior can be ignored entirely. If to cease to fix it, then it will disappear.
Usually when I tell it to parents, they in reply abandon me the whole hail of objections in the spirit of “yes, but...“ . When people say that they tried to do something, but it did not work, usually means that they tried to do it within ten minutes, and then were given. Or sometimes ignored undesirable behavior, and sometimes paid to it too much attention. I personally consider that if decided to arrive in any way, then it is always necessary to act this way. Always.Little hairless chimpanzees have to understand
that as soon as they begin to grumble and be capricious, a chimpanzee - mother and a chimpanzee - the father will turn away from them and will leave away with all bananas.
Here into action is gone by a praise.
the Praise for children is as if water and the sun for plants. The praise is a sacred Graal of education. As soon as you understand it, you will be able to cope practically with any problem.
the good behavior is consolidated by a praise. Possibly, it seems to you that it is easy to praise, but it troubles many parents. Many parents just are not able to praise the children. It seems to some that it is inconvenient. Such relation to a praise happens at those who received it insufficiently in the life. It is difficult to praise someone when you do not know how it becomes.
Below I describe several receptions of an effective praise. Under the word “effective“ means that it helps to consolidate desirable behavior of children.Secrets of an effective praise
for concrete affairs
On a professional slang such praise is called “marked“. It means that it is necessary to describe behavior for which you praise the child:“ Thanks that helped me to inform of products“. So in consciousness of children communication between a certain behavior and a praise will be developed.Express to
the personal relation
Praising the child for good behavior, do not forget to use pronouns “I“, “me“ etc. It is necessary that he understood that it is praised by not some space forces, and it is concrete you:“ Very much it was pleasant to me how you put on a pajamas “instead of“ Well done! You well put on a pajamas“.
Concentrate on a praise all the attention
you do not praise the child, having buried in the newspaper or in the TV, and also from other room. Get up, approach it, sit down so that he could glance in eyes, and let know that all your attention is concentrated on it now.
you Look joyful
Council seems obvious, but too many people forget about it. It is insufficiently simple to tell “good fellow“ or it is “good“. If you tell it tired or dissatisfied tone, still being upset from - for the fact that he did five minutes ago, then such praise will not work. Try to represent at least on the face happy expression - the more brightly and more vividly, the better.do not forget
about physical contact
Children literally blossom when pay them physical attention, that is touch them, iron etc. Has to be, you saw more than once how monkeys look for each other fleas including at the cubs. For them this highest pleasure. If you do not like idea of search of fleas, then it is possible to embrace at least the child and to press it to itself.
the Praise has to be immediate
If you want to consolidate behavior, then you should not postpone a praise for later. As soon as you see something positive, immediately praise for it the child. The quicker you will begin to lavish praises, the better the child will understand for what behavior he is praised. From here also follows that more attention should be paid to good, but not bad behavior.do not forget
I in completion of a picture about the rule which has to be printed tightly at you in a brain.
you Praise behavior which is pleasant to you.
, but it is very important. As soon as you understand what force is covered in your attention, you will begin to use it in the purposes. The purposeful address of attention is only extremely powerful weapon which will help you with fight for domination over own house.
Focus consists in that most to pull threads.
Switching of attention
As for small children, switching of attention is also rather powerful tool of control of their behavior. It is extremely easy to carry away small children something new. Thanks to it it is possible to occupy them with something fascinating and to avoid unpleasant scenes in 95% of cases.As I already told
, small children can spin yarns any and they always believe in them. Just fantasy! Besides, it is simply cheerful and interesting to switch attention of children. The easiest to do it in a game form. If to you it is awfully boring and uninteresting, then, most likely, focus will not take place. Fun is infectious. Borders of this reception are not studied. Every day parents around the world think out all new and new forms of switching of attention, achieving such results of which they also did not dream earlier.Should admit to
, however, that switching of attention is given some hardly. People somehow internally resist it. But as soon as you will get used to use this method, will begin to live easier and more cheerful. If it is difficult for you to acquire the concept of switching of attention, I suggest to get acquainted with some examples.
Switching of attention for beginners
Change the subject
It is the easiest way - simply to change the subject. For example, if the kid does not want to wash, desperately resists, ask him: “What did you do in a garden today?“ Concentrate on pleasant part. Instead of roughly insisting on the (“Immediately we go to a bathroom!“), concentrate attention of the kid on the pleasant parties of the forthcoming action. Tell, for example: “Let`s look whether the rubber duck is able to start up bubbles!“
Think up a pleasant way to pass to desirable action
Recover a situation. For example, instead of “Stop aching and immediately get into a bathtub!“ it is possible to tell: “Let`s depart to a bathtub as a drakonchik!“ to seize the kid, to turn round and round with him on the road, to porychat as a dragon, and with hissing to fall to water.Become
The more silly you behave, the better. For this purpose the special imagination is not required. Just behave as the fool, and all. Grab some thing and pretend what it tells (it can be banana, a sock, a woolen rag). Or from time to time you tell something not connected with the current situation at all: “Guess what I saw on the street today? A zebra who danced and sang!“ Or dance and sing. Teach the child to jump on one leg or think up something not less foolish. Forget about gravity, turn for a moment into the child.
This way can become a source of big fun too. For example, having noticed that the child here - here will start shouting, turn aside, apply a finger to lips and tell:“ Ø - ø - sh!“ Then theatrical whisper ask whether he heard something. Then approximately the same tone whisper: “Dinosaurs!“ - also creep up with it to a window to look at dinosaurs. In this case works anything. Ask raskapriznichavshegosya in the child`s supermarket whether the blue hare ran here.
If to choose between a long scene of a hysterics or a pursuit of the blue hare in a supermarket (and at the same time it is possible to put on the road products in a basket), then it is often much easier and more interesting to pursue the blue hare whatever foolish it to you seemed.
From the book “Before Your Child Dements You“