Rus Articles Journal

Feeling and reason of

Ya earlier never believed in love at first sight. Got acquainted with the guy at the dacha, he was 5 years more senior. We very much became friends since my thirteen years, always very cheerfully spent time together and laughed at his near girlfriends (sounds not really - that, especially for girlfriends). And when I graduated from school and came to MSU, and it - to postgraduate study, we suddenly understood that we are madly in love. The relations developed quite violently, several years we were absolutely happy. But, as we know, everything in this life has the beginning and the end. By that moment when I passed to a last year, quarrels, mutual reproaches and insults reached a limit, and we solved, fortunately, by agreement, to make a pause in our relations. I will emphasize: not to finish the relation, and just to make a pause and quietly to consider everything. One cannot say that I was strongly upset as I was not going to get married yet, and understanding of some freedom gave relief.

So, but the thesis and the project, nevertheless, ahead waited. The research supervisor defined to me a subject and sent to the former graduate student who was protected few years ago. There - that I also should gather to myself material for the degree project. I went in search of the necessary office, being quite scattered this day, and here in the head foreign thought rushed:“ My God, why I did not meet such girl“...

Yes, forgot to tell, I - empat. For those who do not know it is the emotional telepathist, sometimes - in a dozing, tired or scattered state - I catch foreign thoughts. In the childhood felt all emotions of the people who are nearby, with age learned to control this process: began to cut everything that did not concern me personally and to catch only very strong emotions.

So, I went along a corridor... And here burst a thunder, the lightning sparkled and brilliant crimson hearts, as in Disney`s animated cartoons departed. It was very sad and left an office - that which I looked for: the high, slender, beautiful brunette of years 25 - 26, with big brown eyes. I almost came across it, and he smiled a little tired smile, told perplexed:“ Hello“, also went further. While he looked at me, I understood that it it, that “love at first sight“ in which I never trusted. All event was so illogical, so is not similar to me as, despite “superabilities“, or perhaps thanks to them, I am quite pragmatic and realistic. The handsome guy returned in about 15 minutes, and I all stood in thoughtfulness at a door, trying to comprehend the events. It took an interest very politely whether I wait for it, and then, having guessed that I am that student attached to it by the chief let in me the office. It was very lovely, polite, intelligent, clever, positively adjusted and absolutely mild. Agree, for Russia sounds it is unreal. Having lived enough time in the USA and England, did not think that at us it is possible to find such person. We discussed a subject of the degree project, the guy told that he goes on leave now, but before it will try to collect for me which - that that can be useful, and will let to work then on the second computer. Also settled upon that. I went to the dacha and spent the remained one and a half months with the friends, walking and having fun. About the guy I, of course, did not forget, just tried not to think of him...

Having returned in September, I got up courage and went to it. He was not ready to my arrival at all, but awfully was delighted when I came. This pleasure was so sincere, uncontrollable and all-consuming that I even had a painful, pressing feeling which did not want to release within the next hours in any way. Externally he behaved almost quietly, but in him passions boiled, heating the atmosphere. I in the life did not feel such intensity of emotions! There was such feeling that now as during the strongest thunder-storm, will slip the category which the whole volley will follow.

Day passed

perfectly: having worked in the pleasure, and also having enjoyed thoroughly his emotions and feelings, not as empat any more, and it is rather as the emotional vampire, I went home, having finally convinced that I am in love with it madly. I began to go to it two times a week, and sometimes when I very much wanted to see his beautiful, warm, chocolate eyes, I ran between couples and we stirred about anything. Or rather, I stirred, and he listened, periodically answering my chatter. I felt that it is torn apart on part by mad emotions: passion, tenderness, violent desire, love, interest, fear and wine. From all this I fell in love with him more and stronger - and he tried not to approach even me close.

it is surprising and absolutely improbable

, but so happens: you suddenly meet the person and do not know him at all, but from first minute there is a feeling that you are familiar all the life. And all previous lives too - just not really well you remember details of this acquaintance. In a flash heaven and earth is as if moved, and the person becomes the closest in all this world. But I - that never trusted earlier in it!

Everything that was connected with it, I never discussed with one person, nobody knew and suspected about his existence. I did not want that friends or members of my family began to press on me, expressing the opinion. So there passed three months. When I came to it once again, sense of guilt and doubts overflowed it so that there are they are material, this matter just would crush it during one moment. He entered absolutely mad fight with himself. All day he sat at the table, having stared at the monitor screen, and thought, as if to kiss me, imagined a possibility of it, even got up and strolled on an office several times. At me heart faded, began to fight at reckless speed as it seemed to me, is madly loud - having approached a little closer, he would hear its beating.

Judging by those thoughts that I read, it had a wife and the child of five years. I cannot call the reason for which he ceased to love the wife, but precisely I know that it happened even long before my emergence. But he loved me, and is so strong and passionate that his madly beautiful, framed with black semi-long hair face lit up with some divine light when he thought of me. But nothing had to happen, I knew it... Now I can precisely tell that would never begin to press on it, to stick to it, to be imposed somehow and, especially, to induce to make a choice though it he chose me initially, and he dreamed of me that warm summer day, and then gave in to suddenly opened opportunities.

the Most sad in any situation where it is necessary to choose that whatever was the choice, you will regret about it sooner or later. It happens surely, but it is only possible to be consoled in the fact that, at least, it was your own choice. I cannot deny now that such madly strong, absolutely unreal, not subject to someone and something feelings will also cease, will decay and will disappear, almost without having left memoirs, as well as usual, quieter and judicious. Perhaps it is also that mad passion described and sung by the most great poets? But it is given not everyone as we usually are given only what we are able to take out and endure - we are only people. I cannot know it for certain. But I know precisely that remained to me a little before the termination of the diploma, I will complete that has to - any more I will not return there, to that office. And nothing happens more, - che - go.

P. S. Yes, and that guy with whom there was a pause in the relations made the proposal - with a ring, having asked permission from my parents. Frankly speaking, I do not even know that to answer it. Probably, as Scarlett About “Har“, I will think of it tomorrow“.

of MeredithM