Such destructive criticism...
If you mother or the father, you, of course, have an experience of estimation of the child. You abuse it or praise - all the same estimate, that is take out the opinion and judgment as authoritative. Why parents so often criticize children and what with it to do?
Parents brought Pavel on consultation when it was in the second class. It is full, even flabby boy. From the first class schoolmates call it “mattress“. Mother with love looks at the son and speaks: “Here, brought our elephant calf. Became closed, it is worse to study the beginnings. The teacher recommended to address the psychologist“. Pavel, when mother called him “elephant calf“, contracted and reddened. Mother of it, however, did not notice. I asked whether often she so calls it.“ And what it? I loving! All of us in a family full. I consider what the good person has to be much! - mother and right there laughs, sighs. - And I cannot refuse to it sweets, it such sad after school“.Having remained
one, Pasha tells that in a class it is teased, he worries, to parents ceased to complain as they are its feelings important do not consider and repeat one: “Yes spit on them, nonsense all this“. Too of support it is not enough house, mother only gives sweets in a consolation, and it does not add self-confidence. The father who withdraws at once comes to the second meeting: “Our mother is engaged in education“. And Pasha at the same time tells very much how to him the father is important, communication with it! And here the son and the father received a task: to find sports which are pleasant to them and to begin to be engaged together. The father even exhaled joyfully:“ I love different sport, just to the son, it seems, it also is uninteresting, it such at us rokhlya“. The son from these words pulled in the head in shoulders again... The double signal from parents turns out: on the one hand, are dissatisfied with how the son looks, and on the other hand, do not help to change it. In several months of occupations by swimming and soccer the guy blossomed, was brought up, in a class ceased to call it, friends appeared. Mother only began to complain that she ceased to feel necessary. But it is already a question which mother needs to solve not to throw discontent with the life on the child.
of the Critic in rescue
“And how to be if it does nothing itself, should adjust, criticize, compare all the time to others that began to study, to help about the house?“ So, when this criticism begins?the Child is born
, causing general pleasure and love, begins to grow and something often is ill. In the heads of mother with the father thought: “Children so often are not ill good parents“. Also there is a feeling of irritation on the child: “Not such as I would like...“At school progress of the child not only close people, but also society - schoolmates, teachers begin to estimate
. How to study how builds the relations with other children how behaves at lessons? It is very sensitive period for formation of a self-assessment in the child`s life as he infinitely trusts the first teacher, even sometimes it is more now, than to parents. The opinion of the teacher is more important.
“And me what remains? Nothing you will get!“ - “But the criticism helps?“ - “For some time, - mother sighs, - and then everything comes back again. Well, though for a while I frighten“. Also it turns out that the person whom that he did something, it is necessary to criticize or frighten grows up. The prospect to become the responsible adult and the good professional is small.
How to be?
- to Pay attention to those moments which irritate you in the child. Often they are connected with similar lines in themselves or in close relatives.
- When wants to tell already offensive words to the child, to try to count to 10, to take a break, to think how it is possible information on what is not pleasant to you, to inform in a different way. So that the child really heard, but was not closed from offense, waiting for an opportunity to answer also, having hit the painful nail of the parent. Example of change of the message: not “you are an idler, you do not sit down to do homework“, and “let`s agree about time: in 5 minutes you sit down to do homework, in an hour go for a walk“. Of course, there are no ready “magic“ phrases, communication is a changeable process, and on each case - the words and the style of conversation with the child. to Remember
- that the best way to teach something - own example and the good confidential relations. to Know
- that offensive words to the child remain to live in his body, being shown in the lowered shoulders, an extinct look, tension in a body, sores. And in a behavior manner: uncertainty, reserve, sensitivity, desire to revenge.
how you were criticized by significant adults in the childhood what reaction it caused in you whether estimated judgments the adult helped you to open and to do what they ask. Sometimes such memoirs help us to realize, as we were children too, and it is better to understand own successors. By the way, it can be not so easy memoirs. If they still influence you, your life, it is better to deal with it, without transferring these messages to children. Just share with the kid, tell about some moments from your childhood. When the child already studies
, pay attention to what it comes from school as it is estimated by the teacher that says how schoolmates call. It is important to notice changes in behavior in time and to talk to the school student, to support him. To think what can help it to change the behavior, to develop those qualities which will allow to study better and easier, to communicate, learn the world, to be healthy, active and open.