Aggressive child: to understand and help
Aggression - from - for it parents most often see psychiatrists and children`s psychologists. How to distinguish healthy aggression from pathological? And how to help the child? The children`s psychiatrist Eliseus Osin tells.
Aggression is an obligatory part of healthy development of the person. Any creative action, creation of new begins with destruction old: the small child, before beginning to mold figures from plasticine, tears off pieces from big whetstone and kneads them in hands, destroying former structure; the philosopher sorts, digests in the head of idea of other people before at him the ripens; the builder demolishes the old house to build the new building on its place... Food is rather aggressive action too: properly to acquire food, it needs to be torn off, crushed, and then carefully to chew.
But aggression, as well as all in life, it is good on the place - when there is in it a need: ability to attack, banish, to frighten can save human life and his relatives. Problems begin when it is shown in those forms which are considered unacceptable, and in those situations where it is not necessary at all. The small child aggression reacts to many difficulties which he meets, it is one of the very first reactions which the child learns. Until at the child the speech or gestures does not develop, he can be pushed, bite, even to beat those with whom it is impossible to agree. And as soon as children seize even the simplest ways of communication, the external, attacking aggression begins to decline. Why to beat the one who can be asked, to persuade or to let know somehow still what you want?
But quite often happens that the problem behavior is observed also at those children who well are able to tell who as though almost differs in nothing from the quieter peers who look absolutely normal. Preschool children can be pushed, throw toys, younger school students - it is easy to be irritated, beat, take away others things, teenagers - to attack orderly weaker, to put up fights. Signs of pathological, “wrong“ aggression will be:
- constancy: aggression becomes nonspecific reaction to the most different situations, and is observed within several months;
- manifestation in especially dangerous forms: for example, blows hands, legs, objects, conscious damage of property, arsons, and also autoagressivny actions;
- disadaptation - that is loss by the child from - for aggressions of friends, trust of parents, teachers.
But would be a huge mistake to unite all similar manifestations in one problem. Aggression, even pathological is an external manifestation, behind it different violations lie. We already said that even normal aggression carries out different tasks including quite peace - in the same way and at pathology.
We will tell you four real stories of children and teenagers to illustrate four types of aggression. It was succeeded to allocate these types thanks to supervision over fauna in which ability to attack, protect, banish actively - is vital. It turned out that parallels from fauna are quite pertinent in the world of people. Of course, such comparisons will be always a little conditional and incomplete, but they really can understand better children`s behavior, pick up keys to its change.
History first. Aggression as tool
of the Sachet fifteen years. He studies at comprehensive school, not the so last pupil. His family of those who call unsuccessful: the father left when to the boy there was no year, mother brings up Sasha and two of his brothers which - as, seldom works and often drinks. Despite these circumstances, Sasha grew up the fairly clever boy, regularly goes to school and even receives quite good estimates. Since the end of elementary school schoolmates began to complain of it, told that the boy takes away from them money, toys. Then Sasha was punished, mother was called in school - and it seemed that problems passed. Suddenly at the end of the next academic year scandal burst. Mother of one of Sashiny schoolmates addressed to militia. She told that her son very strongly changed recently in behavior, became gloomy, irritable, began to steal money and things from the house. When parents called the boy on serious conversation, it, shivering with fear, told that Sasha terrorizes it and other children: several times together with friends beat him on expensive of school, threatened that if that does not bring money and things from the house, then will beat more and more. When the militia came to Sasha home, found at him a lot of things from what was gone from houses of schoolmates. The boy did not open and told militias that spent money for food for itself and brothers and that remained - on entertainments and gifts to friends from the company.
Hero of this history, undoubtedly, aggressive boy. He several times beat the schoolmate, threatened and frightened him. This type of aggression is called “tool“, in this case aggression does not bear the special purpose of harming that to whom it is directed. The aggression purpose - receiving money, things, and threats and violence is a tool for its purpose. In fauna similar tool aggression is used with several purposes, first of all this receiving food and domination in pack. Special physiological reactions are characteristic of aggression of this kind: the animal at the moment of violence is rather quiet, acts prudently, his heart fights exactly, breath deep, and the movements silent and imperceptible or, on the contrary, intentionally bright and loud. Remember how the cat hunts as long she is capable to wait to make a fast and resolute jump. Sasha acted prudently and quietly too. After the first punishment at elementary school he quickly enough oriented and chose the child whom it will be able to intimidate so that that will tell nothing. He planned the attacks, waited for the boy in solitudes. After several such meetings Sasha even had not to beat the schoolmate - the intimidated boy implicitly fulfilled his requirements. The behavior of the small child who every time when it is forced something to do, pushes away or beats adults can be other example of tool aggression. Perhaps, he learned once that parents react to its actions the fact that recede, are frightened or very strongly are upset, every time resorts to him now to achieve the same effect.
Such type of aggression, of course, least represents a medical problem: for disposal of it no drugs will help. In case of Sasha roots of such behavior - in a difficult life situation in which he is brought up, in conditions in which it grows so, the first that needs to be done is to change conditions. Our hero wanted to eat, care for the brothers, to go out with the friends, and for fulfillment of desires chose the most available way of actions, therefore that aggression did not repeat, it is necessary to train the boy in other ways of getting of the fact that it is necessary for it. Besides, if to make so that aggression will not lead to desirable result, and will lead to consequences negative, then the probability is even more high that the child will leave it for the sake of new ways of achievement of the purpose.
What happened further to Sasha? He was very lucky: it got to court where recovery justice practiced. The judge asked Sasha and his family whether he wants a traditional criminal consequence or an alternative way of permission of the arisen conflict - a meeting with the victim in the presence of the intermediary for the purpose of smoothing down of the done harm. After their consent to such meeting he asked about same a family of victims who agreed too. Sasha by means of psychologists apologized to the schoolmate offended by him and together with it developed ways to make amends. Psychologists helped to collect all family of the repentant boy - and it turned out that mother has two brothers concerned by destiny of the nephews - and to develop the joint action plan on overcoming of the collected problems. Sasha moved to live to the senior uncle, regularly visited the mother and remained with her at the weekend. Besides, Sasha wrote down in teenage club where he spent much time in circles and even began to master the computer. It turned out that Sasha has a remarkable engineering talent. Now he graduates from school and after army wants to work as the system administrator.
History second. Aggression as an impulse
Dima from early age was a fidget. And it is softly told! He got out of any highest arenas, got into the most improbable places, on the street ran away from parents, ran out on the road, was several times lost. Clever and clever, he quickly learned to read, write, consider and, appear, was ready to school. But from the first class it had serious problems with study: he did not sit in place at lessons, he interrupted the teacher, constantly distracted. On changes it rushed most quicker, more than once fell, suffering quite serious injuries. And often fought, generally on changes. There was enough that someone pushed it in a corridor, - Dima right there, without deliberating, hit into the answer, anywhere, if only to get. The boy was very easily irritated, and even at a lesson when the neighbor behind did it the remark, it could turn and in the face of the teacher to hit it. In a minute Dima already calmed down and even apologized, but soon children ceased to be on friendly terms with him, and teachers wrote down in the category of hooligans, having advised parents to transfer to school for deviant children. How many times he was punished at school also by houses, he still continued to fight. When asked it why it does it, he made a helpless gesture and is grieved spoke: “I do not know itself, I cannot hold myself!“ The first that is evident - Dima does not disappear at all when behaves aggressively. Besides, his irritability and aggression do not bring it absolutely any benefit, only spoil the relations with schoolmates, teachers and parents stronger. Dima himself is indignant at himself, but, seemingly, nothing do with itself cannot. Such type of aggression is called “impulsive“ aggression. Inability to constrain the reactions arising on some external irritant or internal desire is its cornerstone. Normal between emergence of external incentive and our reaction to it there passes some time: we estimate different options of our reaction, we assess a situation, we remember the previous experience and we choose the best option from possible. Than we spend more time at reaction choice, especially it is thought over. At impulsive aggression a problem that the child acts, disregarding a surrounding situation, possible consequences of the actions, reaction on them of people around - he does that the first came to its mind. If to draw parallels with fauna, then it is possible to remember, for example, behavior of horses who were suddenly frightened. The first that comes to their mind, - to run, and they run, without sorting the road capable to trample any who will get them under hoofs. Sometimes run even in an abyss. At people it happens at frustration which is called a syndrome of deficiency of attention and a hyperactivity (SDVG). One of key violations at SDVG is an inability to hold itself, to constrain in itself the arising motives, that is impulsiveness. This frustration develops owing to misoperation of departments of a brain, first of all, of the frontal lobes which are responsible for performance of the tasks set for the person for the organization of own behavior.
By itself, punishments will not help such child, and, most likely, will do much harm. In our history and occurred: Dima lost friends, lost trust of seniors, but to learn could not constrain himself. At such type of aggression some drugs, and also the efforts directed to creation for the child of the quietest environment, especially in those situations when impulsive reactions are most possible can help. In the Diminy case it were changes.
Dima was consulted by the children`s psychiatrist, made it the diagnosis of SDVG and appointed medicine which reception significantly reduced expressiveness of symptoms. Besides, to teachers advised to organize for Dima during changes quieter conditions with smaller number of the irritating incentives. The boy was put in library and allowed to play a favourite prefix. All this yielded remarkable result - the conflicts in school became many times less. With age impulsiveness at Dima considerably decreased, he became better to constrain himself, though there were more irritable, than his peers.