To choose the only thing. Mistakes on the way to love of
We everything dream of love. It - the main engine and the activator of our life.“ Lyubov and hunger rule the world“. What it, love? And how to understand, real or not?We so often tell
“I love you“ that the word already almost does not oblige to anything. We tell it when to us it is good with someone, we say that more strong to attach to ourselves, we lie that to elicit something to ourselves. And having pondered whether we will answer ourselves that it it, love for which all strive and which - alas - is allowed to learn not everything.
Ancient Greeks described four types of love:
the Eros - the love creating when two halves merge in love embrace which result can be an origin of new life.
of Agape - love - adoration, love - worship, the soft, condescending to the neighbor, merciful love.
of Filiya - friendly love.
of Storge - the family, related love based on mutual understanding.
the Ideal love relations develop when connect in one all four type of love. But to such love it is necessary to live, ripen. Not to spend itself, not to be exchanged.Someone will tell
:“ And for what to wait? All the same so does not happen. You will wait everything on light, but you will not find“.
Happens. It is only necessary to ask more from himself.the Academician V. Vernadsky writes
several the same love and I do not think that somebody could. Love - feeling integral, it does not allow any transactions, any divisions. I do not understand how how it is possible to stop loving the person with whom time you will fall in love, and it seems to me that those which stopped loving then - never loved: they were fond of beauty or youth, maybe, sometimes were under impression of minute, under the influence of a number of incidentally developed circumstances. But they did not love as this feeling is represented to me; when it makes everything, before it everything disappears, it updates, revives the person. And I on myself feel this revival, I am sure, I believe that it as it occupied too big share of my soul cannot take place“.
Search of the partner and prospect
How to choose the present? And what to us prevents to make a choice?to the Young person it seems to
that, differing from others, it in something wrong. And because will also be unclaimed. Notice: practically all young people have such feelings, refusing to understand that actually all of us are unique, all are created in singular (the very first proof: never coinciding drawing of fingerprints). And in it the deep meaning is put: everyone - one and only, everyone - is invaluable. As it would be good if people appreciated in themselves own features, accepted them in themselves, and also realized unique features of the partners.
What conducts to choice errors? Here the most popular wrong beliefs and prerequisites:to
- “All of them all identical“ is equal to
- “All already married, will be enough to look for an ideal, too it is time for me“
- “By means of marriage I will change to the best the financial and social status, and there we will look“.
of the Relation which develop as a result of such representations, always a trap for the been partner. >
It makes sense to ask p itself the questions, explaining your position in relation to love and marriage and it is extremely honest to answer them . And then to solve, whether the suitable person near you.
Here approximate list of such questions:
- B what my uniqueness, than I differ from others? What qualities I am attractive by
- (is attractive) to the possible partner (not less than 10 qualities)? From what you not under any circumstances would not want
- and could not refuse for the sake of another (it is admissible, from friends, from sport, from work, from parents, from the place of residence, from cakes etc. The list can be very long, make it thoughtfully)?
- what to you should refuse, and you will be able to refuse?
- What you have shortcomings unpleasant for future partner? whether
- you will be able to change to the best? whether
- you Had already problems in communication with other people? whether
- Were good luck?
- What you consider as the main man`s (female) shortcomings?
- From where you know about these shortcomings? Faced them in reality or so people from your environment think?
Let`s pay attention to risk factors. What can promote emergence of serious problems of a married couple in the future?
- Mercantile reasons (desire of material benefits, increases of a standard of living, etc.).
- Misunderstanding by people around of your choice.
- your own ideas of the ideal partner (corresponding age, appearance, education, situation).
- Stereotypes of society (that the partner has to be higher growth that he has to be the main supporter that the partner cannot be more senior than the partner, etc.) .
- the person In love closes eyes to lack of common interests with the partner, to discrepancy of moral installations.
- of the Imagination about the partner, attributing to it nonexistent fig.
- the Desire is simple to get rid of feeling of loneliness.
- the Notion of compulsion that it is time to have children, differently will be late.
- the Partner intentionally hides the negative lines or events of the past.
From the book “Lie as the Man, Manipulate as the Woman“