Rus Articles Journal

“Pregnant“ and maternal fears: how to cease to be afraid of

the List of fears and force of their manifestation depend on education, the level of uneasiness and on the developed image of “ideal mother“. As to cope with them, the psychologist Aneta Orlova will tell.

If the level of uneasiness of the woman low, then she quite easily copes with the experiences, knows how to moderate them and to use for the good. Disturbing by nature in fight against own fears it is necessary to the woman takes more difficult as it badly filters the arriving information and each news for an appeal or team to be afraid.

of the Requirement of the girl to themselves as to mother often are based on an image of her own mother. And if mother perfectly coped with the role, then she is perceived as the rigid critic and there is a wish to correspond in everything to it: “Suddenly I will not cope, I will not be able to be same worthy how my mother?“ . Under the formulation “to be as mother“ each woman understands something the: to bring up the worthy person, to provide to the child comfortable life. In turn, the confidence of our heroine in itself quite often depends on an assessment of parents: “You are an awful hostess how with you the husband will live?“, “Take children to us, we will feed them!“ . As you understand, in the presence of high requirements and a low self-assessment, disorders of the woman, most likely, will be serious. If mother was not really attentive, then the girl wants to compensate in everything to the child that discomfort which she faced in the childhood. In both cases excesses are possible. The girl so wants to be good mother that forgets about himself as about the woman, as about the wife and the mistress.

Fear of changes in life

Each responsible person understands that with the advent of the child life inevitably begins to change. One consistently prepare for these changes and look for compromises: “It will be executed to the son of 5 years, and we together with him will go hiking! For now we watch family movies about adventures“. Others till the last moment live to the full extent, and then eliminate with almost surgical way superfluous:“ It is time to pass to other position, to protect the forces for pregnancy and in the future the child needs mother, but not the marketing specialist“.

Especially indecisive women postpone pregnancy until the best times: “Sometime to me will bother to travel and ride mountain skiing, sometime I will be transferred to other department and I will have more free time. Here then I will also become a mother!“. As a result one inquiry is replaced by another, in life of the woman new problems and tasks appear, it forms more and more serious relation to motherhood: “Before thinking of the child, it is necessary to resolve so many issues!“ .

Sometimes people so get used to space which they carefully created (I emphasize: space for and those who do their life comfortable) that are afraid to make any changes to the life. Now it is connected also with the fact that there is a frank advertizing of the hedonistic relation to life where success is directly connected with quantity of the consumed benefits and pleasures where the main thing: it is as little as possible to work and endow the interests. Excuses and justifications can be the most florid, for example, “I with will not cope“, “our way of life will harm the child“ etc. There is a probability that the unwillingness of the woman to endow the interests, to let in the human life, demanding is behind such disorders, besides, special attention.

Fear of pregnancy

“Pregnancy is not an illness“, - gynecologists constantly repeat. It is curious that after these words they stretch to the woman the impressive folder - a medical record of future mother, and also the directions to a number of narrow experts. “In a week we wait with results. And, by the way, we congratulate!“ - the doctor says to a little shocked patient. Further vanity begins: to take away the vitamins relying all pregnant women from a drugstore, to visit the oculist, the stomatologist, the endocrinologist, to take a blood test, to wait for analyses and with the scrawled leaflets to return to a treasured office. And it turns out that pregnancy though is not an illness, supervision demands serious. The understanding of this fact, in turn, forces women to worry: “Suddenly something will go not so?“ . It is possible to discuss various options of development usually directly at the gynecologist`s office, expecting turn in a circle of women with the same problems (that is with improbable happiness in a tummy). They worry, build guesses, impart experience also stories from the TV. If our heroine differs in uneasiness, then heard she hurries to try on everything on herself and on reception comes with a totality of fears. The familiar gynecologist told me:“ Once the pregnant woman asked whether she can bathe in a bathroom, say, the kid will choke? I spent many forces to explain to her - the uterus does not drink water“.

Fears which are felt by women are natural and clear to

, all - in a tummy not to glance. It is necessary to rely on intuition, and it at disturbing women sometimes so active that there can be a search of presentiments. it is important to p to understand

Here that the woman will hardly be able to count everything and to prevent any problems. So it makes sense to worry only about what in power to control to us, but not the nature. At a stage of preparation for pregnancy it is better to make all necessary tests and if it is required, to be treated. To drink necessary vitamins or to enjoy healthy nutrition that from the first day future kid received all necessary substances. And during pregnancy our heroine should observe a day regimen and recommendations of the doctor, to walk in the fresh air and to eat useful products. Fortunately, in most cases the fears connected with the pregnancy course pass in the second trimester. When the tummy begins to grow, the movements of the kid are felt, it becomes easier for woman to drive away evil thoughts. Especially, other fears succeed...

Fear of childbirth

of Experience concerning childbirth in life of the average woman appear long before intimate day, and it is possible, and before pregnancy. The matter is that idea of the girl of this mysterious process is formed of stories of more skilled girlfriends or memoirs of own mother, of bright scenes of the movies and stories read on the Internet.

“I am not pregnant with

still, but in the future I want the child. Here I am only afraid to give birth very much. Heard that in the course of childbirth it is possible to die! Besides I am very sensitive: when from me blood from a finger is taken, I can faint. I do not represent how I will transfer childbirth, besides I am frightened by physical pain“.

“I before childbirth persuaded the doctor to hurt me Caesarian, it was terrible. But it, fortunately, did not give in to arrangements. Not so everything is terrible how spoke to me! If I decide to present to the son the sister, I will give birth. It was pleasant to me“.

I Want to pay your special attention to the comments devoted to voluntary Cesarean section. The matter is that for the last 20 years the number of optional operations increased from 3,6% up to 5,5%, thus more often wealthy women (statistics of the western sociologists) began to pass through Cesarean section. Of course, change of a way of life of modern women involves some problems with health and, as a result, increase in number of the performed operations. However quite often women refuse to give birth independently because painfully, difficult, dangerously.

to the Women experiencing similar experiences should ask for the help psychologists or to sign up for courses of training of future parents. Acquaintance to process of childbirth and to features of the postnatal period, training in various technicians of overcoming of pain during fights, and also positive communication with “classmates“ will help to calm fear before mysterious and novel.

Should noting

that the fear of childbirth time helps the woman to protect itself if it at a certain stage of the life is not ready to motherhood. Quite often it also believes that it is not solved on pregnancy only from - for inevitable hurt. To establish the true reasons of this fear, psychologists carry out interesting tests. Ask the clients to draw two pictures: in the course of childbirth and with the small child on hands. The woman`s time which declared fear of natural childbirth the first picture is drawn in warm, iridescent colors, accurately remove all lines, and the second - gloomy, dim paints, badly trace the child on mother`s hands. Such creations tell the expert that the client is afraid not of childbirth, but responsibility, uncertainty, motherhood.

Fear that will not cope with a role of mother

Long before appearance of the kid on light, the woman begins to prepare for a new role. As a result at our heroine the accurate list of requirements to itself is formulated, there is a development plan for the child for the next 100 years, and also strict installations on family life. But in practice as you understand, everything is a little more difficult, than in the theory. However some mummies continue to aspire to an ideal image without amendments on reality: each new day they perceive as the next examination on compliance to requirements and very much are afraid of it to fail.

as

At the beginning the main criterion for an assessment of maternal progress duration and frequency of children`s crying acts. Imagine that our mummy calculated average values of whims, watching children of girlfriends, and established a level - two hours of crying a day. But contrary to its expectations, the favourite kid with ease exceeded norm, moreover, became the champion among familiar children. As result - the woman declares “I am bad mother“. Actually, crying of the newborn child is not always a signal of his trouble or a consequence of a mother`s mistake. The kid develops, learns this world, tries to communicate with it, crying attracts attention and is not even going to upset the mother. So it is better not to accuse himself of imperfection, and to study the amazing world of motherhood without comparison. You remember - happy children are only at happy parents.

at

As the child grows, our heroine has new criteria for an assessment, so and new experiences. If the kid after the others begins to hold the head, to creep, go, speak - it is bad mother. If the baby is worse than others copes with children`s puzzles, production of hand-made articles, and later with reading and the letter - she is bad mother. Here some stories:

“I am bad mother. I do not love, and sometimes even I hate the son. He is 8 years old. I very much worry about it, I kiss, I embrace, but every day he makes mistakes which infuriate me. The essence is that it does everything as it is not necessary as I would not like. It has no dream, it is slovenly, improvident, inattentive. I do not know what to do to me. It seems I will abuse him, and then I roar for rage on myself, with pity to the son“. by

“It is heavy to p to recognize the mistakes, but I am, apparently, bad mother. When the kid enrages me, I cannot restrain - I shout though I know that it is impossible. I lack patience, sense of guilt became my constant satellite“.

As you can see, experiences of women first of all are connected with the fact that they have sense of guilt before the child, and here, most likely, a problem just in excessively overestimated requirements to themselves and to a role of mother in general. It is important to understand that maternal perfectionism leads to irritation and causes constant sense of guilt what the child hardly needs.

Fear for health of the child

of Experience about health of the child arise even during pregnancy and pass through all life of the loving mother. It seems that there will pass a certain stage and all fears, but as the kid grows will leave together with them, new dangers, so and reasons for nervousness appear. So, at first the alarm of mother is caused by frequent crying of the newborn child:“ Suddenly something hurts it, and he cannot tell it?“. It is interesting that the quiet, long dream in this case does not calm young mummy, and on the contrary, causes in her the next portion of experiences.“ Something not so“, - the woman thinks and hurries with check in a bedroom. When the kid becomes independent, disturbing mother begins to worry whether the fidget will hit against a table corner, whether she will swallow a tablet, whether she will thrust fingers into the socket. At this time the kid even more often sees the fearful glance of mother and constantly hears from her the word “carefully“ as the result - in soul of the little man also arises alarm. The kindergarten as within the walls of this institution foreign person cares for the kid, and further - school and awkward age when the child remains without supervision of adults on the street full of dangers becomes the following difficult stage. It should be noted that today more and more active is a fear of a crime against the child or accident with its participation because with enviable frequency report mass media about it.

I Will note

that the parents suffering from excessive uneasiness quite often bring up weak, uncertain children. It as you understand, does not help the child with life which does not change the requirements and conditions. By the way, recently experts from Great Britain carried out tests for 10 - summer children - it was necessary to hang on the Swedish wall, to squat and hold freight on an outstretched arm. It is interesting that 10 years ago the same experiments were made. Having compared results, experts concluded that modern children are weaker than the senior companions: “Kids ceased to climb trees and ropes, they do not derive pleasure from conquest of domestic tops, instead children sit in front of the computers at home“. Naturally, excessive guardianship affects not only physical abilities of the child, internal restrictions fill all spheres of his life, and the fear becomes the real dictator. So, my client refused the won permit to Bali from - for the fact that she is afraid to fly.“ I never flew by planes, mother always bought train tickets, say, in the sky can happen anything“, - she remembers.

Thus, disturbing mummy it is whenever possible best of all to control the terrible thoughts for the sake of the kid. It is necessary to think over how to diversify the life that there were no 100% of concentration on the child. For example, to pay attention to the relations with the spouse, set ambitious goals at work, practice yoga and try to learn yourself. In case it is impossible to switch, it makes sense to address the psychologist, the expert will pick up necessary techniques and will help with fight against fears.

“The fears connected with motherhood“ from the book “In fight for real men. Fears of the real women“