Horrors of an adult lexicon or As it is not necessary to talk to children. Part 2
Communicating with the child, adults almost do not monitor words - therefore our speech is littered, being burdened by freight unnecessary, superfluous and even harmful. How to get rid of this freight how it is correct to inform the child of the thoughts - and the love?
What we, adult, create with own speech, without noticing that?
- We spend too much time and we use too many words and offers. We long and tiresomely inspire something in the child, we din and we explain. But it would not be bad to reduce our verbal stream, briefly and accurately stating a statement essence.
- We, adults, most often bring up (and we believe that we bring up!) word. We speak, both we speak, and we talk without a stop - at the same time, even without noticing that children already also do not listen to us, they were disconnected from our talking shop, perceiving it as a noise background.
- Instead of directly telling the child what we mean, we begin to speak in equivoques, loading the text with massive implication, wishing to cause thereby sense of shame and fault in the growing person. For example, instead of a simple request: “Descend, please, in shop“, or “Wash the dishes“, we speak: “Other children go to shop! And it is good to wash the dishes after eating without excess reminders!“
- our adult speech, as a rule, contains many estimates. For example:“ Well, the good fellow that received “five“ for control. And here washed the floor badly. Look, in some places did not dry up yet. Wiped insufficiently, means“. We accompany with
- any speech message addressed to the child, numerous instructions: how exactly it is necessary to make what we speak about, and also remarks why last time it was made not as it is necessary. our speech is very critical and categorical
- . We, adult, without noticing that, often we criticize all and everything, starting with own child and finishing the government and weather. We are cuttings in judgments, speaking at the slightest pretext in the presence of the child, and including own opinion only correct.
Pay attention as you answer questions of the child. Often adults do not answer a question of the child in general:
- Mothers, well why we will not go there?
- we will not go also all!
- Mothers, well why?
- I told we will not go, so we will not go!
Or are hit question with a question:
- Fathers and how many money you received?
- And you why it is the nobility?
And even we, adults, begin to swear, utter something to the child as we do not want to answer the question posed directly:
- Mothers, and you what with the father quarreled?
- is eternal you suyosh the nose in adult affairs! You climb where it is not necessary! Go learn lessons better! And that you will pick up the two again!
... or we use in the adult speech the epithets, metaphors and verbal formulas offensive and offensive for the child:
“Eh you, grief you mine!“
“Well, Masha - a rasteryasha...“
“At you as always - in one ear flew, and - took off for another!“
“The head it was necessary to think!“
the Above-stated phrases, perhaps, too expressivna, but - alas! - they can be heard quite often from lips of parents. They are offensive and humiliating for vulnerable children`s mentality, are pernicious for a personal self-assessment of the growing person. And still they destroy normal communication between adults and children - and precisely will not help you with forming of the good, kind, confidential relations with the child.
As should talk to the child?Listen to
, dear adults as you speak by phone as you communicate with colleagues, acquaintances, friends, neighbors. Do not forget:“ lessons of development of the speech“ the child receives houses. Pay special attention to how you communicate with the senior generation: grandmothers, grandfathers and other elderly relatives. Most likely, quite so the child will treat also you when you grow old.
As often as possible talk to the child just as with the good acquaintance, the interesting interlocutor, but not as with the child unreasonable who constantly should be taught mind - reason, to bring up, endlessly explaining something to him and inspiring, and sometimes and “setting straight“.Present to
, the same conversation with the colleague and own child as if looked:- Listen to
, well and day at me was given today!
- That unsuccessful?
- Yes, somehow everything wrong way since the morning went. I leave an entrance, thought of something and from all scope in a pool came. Splashed all new trousers.
- Happens. With our roads there is no wonder.
- While shook off, was late for the bus. Came to work for ten minutes later - and at once in the doorway met the chief who so maliciously smiles and taps with a finger on hours.
- Yes! I hate to be late for work.
- And here still my report from a planning department was returned. It is necessary to remake, something I bungled there.
- All right, do not grieve! Well it is necessary, so it is necessary, you will remake! And then, all people make mistakes. The main thing to be able to correct them and on these mistakes in due time to study.
- So - that it so, but is all the same unpleasant.
- As I understand you! I always at work terribly worry about any oversights.
I other option of conversation.
- Mothers, well and day at me was given today.
- What you did again?
- Mothers and nothing I did. Just some day unsuccessful was.
- Well - well, tell what there happened to you. Eternally you get involved in different unpleasant incidents!
- Mothers, you represent, there are I our entrance and something is high in the sky noticed. Was lost in contemplation - and from all scope in a pool as I will come! Soiled all trousers.
- There now, eternally you look around - consider crows! How many times I said to you what under legs should be looked.
- Mothers, well wait! I stepped aside and cleaned off all splashed places.
- I Know as you cleaned off everything. Well, and is farther what? In school - that was not late?
- In that is continually that from - for these trousers I in school after a call came running. And me the remark for delay was written down.
- I and knew! Well what is it! All children as children, and this - in school cannot arrive on time. At you control on mathematics had to be today.
- Yes I know! I just was also late for it...
- Eh you, the unlucky creature!
- Me Mar Ivanna at first in general on a lesson did not want to let, but then let.
- Well, and that control? Mistakes nasazhat - as always?!
- to Mothers and listen, I very much tried to solve everything. But, apparently, incorrectly made some tasks. We with Pavlik verified then answers, did not meet at me with his answers.
- I and knew that business will not come to an end in good! Eternally at you on mathematics the mistake on a mistake and a mistake drives! And in whom you such were born? Here I, for example, only “five“ and “fours“ at school received and never upset parents.
I such verbal stream moreover emotionally decorated, loud and exaggerated, we bring down on the heads of children. And then we are surprised and that it at us the relations with the child do not develop and that it he is confused such.
If we, adults, really want the good sincere relations with children, mutual understanding, slow human communication - the real communication, but not exchange of information or causticities; if we want to raise persons, but not “bobbleheads“ with the underestimated self-assessment and the undermined nervous system, then the majority of us should be exempted from verbal and emotional stuff in the speech. And if we preuspt in it, then our and teacher`s, and parental life will become simpler and happier, and the relations with children will come to qualitatively new level.
Homework for the thinking adults:
- Be laconic, you pass to an essence at once.
- do not raise children only the word. Master also other methods. you Say
- directly that you want that you mean - without hints and implication.
- Refrain from estimates and estimations in the communication with the child.
- Clean criticism and sharp judgments from your speech - in general. Take for the rule of nothing and nobody to criticize in the presence of the child - and, first of all, him. Take for an axiom that your opinion - not only correct.
- Clear the speech of abuse, irritations, intolerance. Try to answer with
- each children`s question directly and accurately. If you do not want to give the answer, tell about it honestly: “You know, I do not want now (I cannot, it is difficult for me) to discuss it. Perhaps as - nibud then I will explain everything to you“. Do not tear off children`s questions. And if you do not know answers to them, just admit: “Oh, and I also do not know. Let`s look for the answer in the encyclopedia“. Begin with
- the phrase with the tender address or a name: “Sonny...“, or “Sasha, listen...“ .
- Reduce in the adult speech the number of instructions, instructions and remarks to the child.
- Get rid of epithets and metaphors which can be offensive and offensive for the child. You should not revel in brightness and figurativeness of own speech, causing at the same time an irreparable loss to a self-assessment of the growing person. Any sharply stated words or the phrase can painfully wound children`s soul, and also for a long time interrupt your rather sincere communication with the child.
- Refrain from the statement of councils at the slightest pretext. Also advise very carefully, even when you about it are asked. Grant to the child the right after listening of your adult council to arrive in own way. Clean
- from the speech of generalization (“Eternally you...“, “You are always...“ ) and mentions of last mistakes.
- Communicate with own child, as with the person deserving attention and respect, but not as with an unreasonable being.