Rus Articles Journal

Parental... dislike of

As can be presented love to the kid if most in the childhood there was not enough care and caress?... In such situation the feeling of uselessness is descended. But with it it is possible and it is necessary to fight!

In 90 - m to year of the 20th century, in the Soviet Union, passed mass amnesties. Among other of prisons the women having babies were let out. Of course, amnesty concerned only those women who caused a stir in honest work, good behavior and a caring attitude to the child. Nevertheless, the vast majority amnestied at an exit from the conclusion was left small helpless svertochek directly at the road and left, without turning. Whether these mothers of the children loved? Or they were not capable of similar feeling at all? Whether there are women and men who are not loving the children?

Life confirms that many people, children and adults, live in full confidence that there is no parental love. Such confidence does not bring them joy and happiness, and the most important, develops from generation to generation into chain reaction of dislike.

Nobody me loves

About children`s feeling of uselessness as one of consequences of divorce of parents

When they go down the street, many take them for girlfriends. Two charming girls, thin, low, white and dark-haired - the presents Disney`s the Snow White. They radiantly smile, gently chirp, and will even come to nobody to mind that it is mother and the daughter who are not always so dear with each other. Yana to the daughter quite often has scandals. Asya in fourteen years wants to prove everything that she already adult that already everything is able and everything knows. And mother as all parents from time immemorial, tries to save the child from misfortunes familiar to her. And in her life there were enough misfortunes. Parents of Yana divorced when it was at very tender age - was executed by it five. She already well understood what is divorce of parents. Several of her girlfriends had no fathers for this reason too. Yana felt sorry for mother to whom got from the father when that drinks. But nevertheless she so loved the to “papulk“! She knew what it was sober: kind, tender, careful, impetuously cheerful. And so worried when he went to some far unknown city. It seemed to it that it remained one in all this world. All people who surrounded it, seemed to it others, they did not pay attention to it and, of course, did not love it.

In several years Yana had a stepfather, the loud-voiced fat uncle with red moustaches. He treated it kindly. Went in for mathematics and physics. Helped to solve the difficult problems set on the house.

Gave to

money at first for magazines and ice cream, then on shoes and jackets. Yana, pursing lips, used the benefits which are released by it, but internally quite often compared the stepfather to the father. And every time is cleverer, stronger, more beautiful, more considerable seemed “papulka“. The feeling of the uselessness which arose in it after divorce of parents did not disappear any more. It became almost imperceptible, inflamed with intolerable pain. When it had a little sister, Yana did not leave the habitual aching feeling any more. She fiercely whispered to herself under a nose: “Nobody loves me...“ and the rage rising in it helped it to straighten shoulders, to become straight and... to live further.

Once friends - boys acquainted it with Hasan. The stately bright Azerbaijanian quickly took control of all thoughts and feelings of Yana. It seemed to it, at last it will be loved really by the person who is absolutely nearby, but not somewhere is far - far as her native father. Mother and the stepfather were categorically against their relations, forbade Yana and Hasan to meet, frightened the girl by terrible stories of international marriages.

Partly from - for passionate love, partly to spite of parents, Yana and Hasan rented apartment and began to live together. Asjka, a charming black-eyed being was born soon, and made this love story irreversible. Hasan in one and a half years left a family, but for the rest of life remained is closely connected with Yana and Asya. Yana was left with the child on hands without education, without specialty, without house. A stick - a lifesaver of steel for it parents. Especially stepfather. He felt sorry for Yana, indulged her daughter. Parents bought Yana the one-room apartment. The stepfather gave money for a school of accountancy. Yana received specialty and successfully got a job. ICQ went to a garden, and during week-end stayed with the grandmother with the grandfather. Only Yana did not happen at parents. The grandfather took away and brought Asya.

“They me do not love

and never loved. I am not necessary to them“, - Yana thought, and the habitual evil feeling helped it to hold a bearing and to feel own force. She got used not to see around herself love, did not want to see it and did not see. Thanks to it it constantly worked, perfectly looked, had the cozy well-groomed house. But for the same reason she did not find love of the only man in the life and stubborn believed that neither the daughter Asya, nor native mother, nor the stepfather who how many made for it, love it, and it is not necessary to all of them. To the girlfriend she complained:“ There are no men at all. Either married, or fools“.

the Comment of the psychologist

the Feeling of uselessness which was born in the soul of Yana after divorce of parents and aggravated with the little sister`s birth in adulthood pushed her to self-isolation, to loneliness. Having burned in the childhood and youth, she did not want to wound more the heart and took care of the relations with men. The barrier between it and men became stronger every time when she mentally or aloud said: “Nobody loves me“. When Yana managed to see how many the love gives it mother, the stepfather and the daughter when in her soul the gratitude to them increased, she ceased to repeat fiercely the habitual evil phrase, and with surprise found out how many around handsome men.

to See the got lost love - the only way to change the life and the relations with relatives to the best, but at times it happens absolutely not simply.

From the book “Whether You Love the Child?“