Strategy of positive initiations. Part 2
the Years which are directly preceding teenage age often for parents proceed almost trouble-free, apart from sometimes the arising problems with study. Really, the child is already quite independent, the school routine is adjusted, about everything it is possible to agree with him. However all know that the most silent the sea happens before a storm. Therefore it is so important and to work these years on maintenance of a healthy self-assessment, self-discipline and communication with parents.Shimon Gzhelyak in this part of the book tells
of Initiation on a home straight of the childhood to
about the first participle as one of the most powerful forms of initiation. Certainly, it is realities of the Polish life, to the Russian conditions absolutely inapplicable. What to replace it in our context with, to think to us... The natural threshold - transition from elementary school to average which at us comes earlier, than in the developed West comes to mind. Of course, there is no such holiday, as at the first participle in the Catholic countries. And there is no preparation, such useful to children`s soul, too. And here supports to the child it is required much.
Shimon ties an opportunity To this threshold for half an hour later to turn off the light in a bedroom, and also an appeal to the child to follow family rules not only in the presence of parents, but also at school where others arrive in a different way. It is good preparation for teenage age. His little girls had to cross the road on the crosswalk in that together where all other children “cut off“. Mother with the father induced them to tell about similar incidents of the house, and children received for it a deserved praise. Perhaps, for our ear it sounds as some informing, but, you see, when friends of the child begin to play about marijuana, you would like that the child let you know...
Then there comes the age
As it is the last and most important initiation, it would be desirable to make it the most grandiose. Shimon and his wife led the oldest daughter in the opera. The evening dress, magnificence of the hall, an opera coffee house before a performance - all this made indelible impression on the girl. Of course, in a family of opera frequenters it would not be so significant, everyone is free to invent something special. It seemed to Shimon of it a little. Birthday was in February, for trips time inconvenient. But they with the wife decided that they - to the anniversary children will date one more travel for
Certainly, at a new stage the child acquires the new rights and new duties. Basha, the oldest daughter of Shimon, was struck, having learned that now the rule of a family Gzhelyakov - sweets only on days off does not extend to her. The rule it was connected with development at children of ability to wait for satisfaction of the desires. It is proved that the children taught it are prepared for life much better, are more successful in the doctrine, are on friendly terms more strong, become more rare the victims of addictions. But it is a separate subject. Generally, from 12 years the Bass, and later and to her sisters, the opportunity most was given to control the consumption of sweet. Certainly, adults always had such opportunity in this family, they have many other restrictions which on children`s shoulders do not lay down. Now Basha was equated to adults, the trust - the best way to teach responsibility was put in her., from 12 years to girls once a month was recommended to make for
As for household chores a family lunch or a dinner. Why once a month? It would be more often tiresome and the raid of romanticism from this business would quickly be erased. Eventually, if to consider that the child will leave the house of years in 18, then in 6 years he will learn to prepare 72 dishes. Not so it is not enough to start independent life. It was supposed that the daughter herself will choose a dish, itself to look for the recipe. Certainly, can ask the help for mother, consult.
. From the experience of family consultation Shimon knows how often it is difficult for person to state another the desires accurately. In any case, each of us knows it from experience of own marriage! And so, why not to tell the child that from now on he will speak in situations when it is required. For example, after a while Basha decided to throw a certain circle. She well proved the desire to parents, but its duty also was to talk to the leader of a circle and to say goodbye, as if it was simple to seductive not to come to the following occupation and “to disappear“. A fine opportunity to train the ability to tell “no“ which is so necessary in adulthood.
I Hope, the general idea of strategy of positive initiations is clear. As well as the majority of aspects of a roditelstvo, she demands creative approach. The love is a never-ending creativity, desire in the diverse ways to serve darling. So we will not be lazy to look in the future, to think over education of children on a step forward. Let`s not be tired to study on own mistakes, and also at more skilled parents.