You noticed troubles by request of
? There are children who constantly get into any troubles.filled
the huge cone, stumbled out of the blue, from a hill fell down - broke a hand, and it happened which - as it is worse. Misfortunes yes of trouble and pour on the child. Why?
A children others are - will pass fire and water, and all nothing, everything with them is normal. What protects them? Fate, destiny or own parents? Or the child some wonderfully is able to take care of himself?
Experts became interested in these strangenesses long ago: why a certain group of children is exposed to injuries and accidents much more often, than all others. This subject adequately is not investigated yet, but certain generalizations can be made already now. >
It appears p, it “in the traumatic way children... solve the psychological problems. And also try to prove, prove to be value as persons - unique, special, unique.
to understand that for problems and why our children need such strange proofs, we will begin one after another.
the Main reasons and occasions which bring children to injuries and accidents
First it appears and shown, since the early childhood. Hyper guardianship.
Children`s town. Malyshnya rides from a hill. And one peanut aside: mummy does not let. It is torn there, and it to it: “Boom, you will fall... it will be sick!“. It is clear, so to mother is quieter: to hold the kid unreasonable always near at hand. And to the kid what?
Let not today, not tomorrow, but all - soon (will hardly grow up) the child, having slipped out from - under control, will get both on a hill, and on a swing, and even on a tree (!) and there are no skills a lasagna... That`s when can happen very big “boom“.Other option - will not get with
(grew such, obedient and silent) - too is sad. To the child who is not learning a possibility of the body, did not learn them to operate even “horse“ at a physical education class is potentially dangerous: will kick up.
Conclusion? Yes very simple. Preserve the child, but you do not bring the charm to recklessness.
In the housing estate where the family left for the summer, among children the general fashion on “tag on vysokenky“ happened. What is tag, truly, know, on “vysokenky - it means when catch up with you, it is necessary to jump above. And then, naturally, to jump off further to run. In passion of game Masha got on a high fence... jumped..., and further - as in that movie: “fell, fainted, regained consciousness, plaster“. Mother long complained to neighbors: “Well, as as and it never - never...“ . And “never“ once comes to an end. Because any normal child cannot do without the company. And in the company different games. And will not be on friendly terms with you if you always stand apart.
So, one may say, in option number one ourselves, the efforts, train children for collecting of cones and injuries.
I it belongs not only to running - jumping, but also in general - to timely acquisition of the necessary and useful skills. Those to which the child grew. As if we did not forbid how we sponsored, but sometime where - nibud yes it will be required to the child to perform some forbidden operation most.
Here the daughter - the schoolgirl never ironed the iron (mother does not allow)... There is a boy who did not hammer and a carnation... Here the first grader, ideas not having how to handle matches...the kid declares
In three years “I is!“ and, as if you “I“ did not suppress it, thirst of independence does not disappear, it just hides inside. Also it is shown as soon as fetters weaken slightly - slightly.
the Child entangled by adult control surely will try to get out of it. Usually there is it in school days, to that time when mothers and fathers cannot trace each step any more - with whom went, than is engaged. And the child as if revenging for the strengthened “opekayemost“ as if making up for lost time, will begin to risk thoughtlessly just at this time.
And (pay attention) desire to risk appears unconsciously as though something pushes the young person inside and whispers: “And this you will manage? Try it... Give!“ .
Vitya long elicited roller skates at parents, and all of them did not buy, and not because it is a pity for money, just were afraid, have heard plenty of different stories... So business also happened: children rode, Vitya stood yes looked. But once the boy suddenly was lucky: the friend took pity and allowed to drive... And that mother did not swear, went to a public garden, far away from parental eyes. Vitya pulled skates, and... And that turned out: for the first time rose on rollers, and the friend began to urge on to make a trick... Made. Also it was long treated.
Here it, a sad consequence of hyper guardianship - the child is not prepared by then when it with passion begins to check itself(himself) for durability, endurance, force on “that I can and that I cannot“.
What to do? To help the child to gain necessary useful skills, and it is timely. To allow to work independently in that business to which it grew. It is necessary to control, of course, but it has to be reasonable control.
Reason the second. It is very closely connected with the first and still - with age features of children. And reason such: inability to think in advance. To be exact - inability to expect consequences of the acts and actions. Especially it concerns bright and impulsive children.Check
: if on your questions of type “what for?“, “where incurred you?“ the child only shrugs shoulders or repeats “I do not know why. Just like that“, it is quite probable, it concerns these, not able and not the person interested to think on couple of steps forward.Someone from adults will tell
: “How - is not able and does not know? Only also I do that I remind...“ But the matter is that we speak, and children do not hear, they easily turn to our habitual “govorilka“ a deaf ear.
Besides: in advance kids are not able to think at all, this ability comes with age, gradually. But... not always, not to all; even the teenager (owing to own egocentrism) is inclined to consider that any trouble can happen to anyone, only not to him.
What to do?It is necessary to
that the child himself threw the bridge from action to that consequence to which it can lead.
As? The first way - to learn on own experience, a way another - to learn to think and argue.
Easy and good way: before beginning some business, talk to the child about what will be if... Also try that he spoke, and you - only keep up the conversation and direct it to the necessary party.
should lead Such lessons constantly, taking each opportunity which at you near at hand. Evening, you go with the child home. “How you think why we come back home not the short road, and we go with you here where lamps burn?“... “You represent, two girlfriends walked and saw that on the earth the electric wire lies; you know what they made?“. “Yesterday read in the newspaper: the boy climbed on a shed roof, and a roof mouldering...“ .
(In brackets we will remind: reasonings will help a little if parents so sponsor the growing-up child that he has no opportunity to gain useful practical experience).several ways which will help it “to stop“ themselves are still quite good to show
A to the child at least. Here the most elementary: to carry out slowly by a language tip on the sky - ten times there and back; to wash cold water; to look round and in a whisper to call what is before you. Such pauses give to the child the chance though a little bit to cool down and think: what will be with me if I make so - that and so.
These reasons of susceptibility to injuries and accidents lie on a surface, it is easy to see them. And here of what it will be a question further are more veiled; we quite often do not notice them, especially at the grown-up children.
Reason: To attract attention; attention of adults (usually parents), attention of peers, attention of friends and friends.in
With kids and mother`s preschool children - fathers are engaged much, one may say, kids constantly in the center of attention of all family. And as soon as the kid grows up, usually the picture changes. It seems rather big so “be engaged - you“.Communication is frequent
is connected purely “to the case“. “Made lessons?... To a board caused?... It is time to have dinner... Stop sitting in front of the computer...“ And that concerns the person why from the same computer you will not tear off what relations with friends... Even just like that to sit - to chat “for life“ and that at times to us a lack of time. Contacts more and more seldom, more and more “only on business“. Communication it seems is, and there is no mutual understanding, contact sincere-. And then begins to seem to the child that he dropped out of an attention zone, so - and love zones.
A to children in any (in any!) age it is very important to feel our parental love. Without feeling of love, without contact sincere the person begins to feel unprotected and lonely, and it, you see, is intolerable! And then... And then the child begins to look for (and finds) other ways to pay attention to himself. Moaning, whims and harm, eternal resistance... And someone attracts attention in the most dangerous way - risking himself. Yes, risking itself, it as if hoping that “here when I got into troubles, will be attention - be filled up!“. In fact, the injuries yes of trouble happening to the child is a call for help: “Pay attention to me!“ .Appeals at preschool children are usually turned by
to the father, mother, to relatives, to a family. At school students - also to age-mates, to those with whom wants, dreams to be on friendly terms. In school days for children very important are relations with friends and peers. And if it is impossible if neglect the child in the company - he anyway will try to pay attention to himself.
In fact, the child risks only it was noticed and estimated. Besides. In school days children, especially boys, check themselves for durability and like to show all, “what I am a hero“. And it forces them too how recklessly to butt in, and most to start all adventures.
What to do?
to Discredit false heroism. The child has to be able to distinguish courage from recklessness. To jump to the small river headfirst - abruptly, effectively, safely! But to jump headfirst to the river in the unfamiliar place (when you do not know what is there, at the bottom) - already recklessness. Such, reasonable care, it will be easy to teach if to begin with the earliest childhood. Came, for example, - checked a bottom for the beach, and check surely goes with comments; the stone got under legs: “Oho, what cobble-stone, it is good that did not begin a descent to dive, and that about it and the head can be punched...“ . This the first. And the second - the child has to master other receptions and ways (normal, not traumatic) how to pay attention to himself, and know that they work.
Ask yourself simple questions and answer them.
- With whom my child is on friendly terms?
- What are able and appreciate in its digging?
- What it can attract and be allocated on their background others - what abilities?it is better than
prevention from any, so to speak, traumatic aspiration, there will be a love and care. Sincere talk, family traditions, common causes and occupations... The main thing - the person has to feel the necessity among other people. It gives confidence. And yes will not come to the self-assured person to mind to risk for show because he also respects himself, he knows what it costs.
One more reason. Intolerable expectation of troubles, and simply - fear. The fear connected with moral categories (contempt, alienation, sense of shame, etc.) . Here we refer also fear not to meet someone`s expectations (most often - parental, or the authoritative adult, or - friends and friends). The fear connected with injuries (for example, from flogging which is necessary to it).it would Seem to
how it is possible: you are threatened by something bad, and you in advance voluntarily put a trauma to yourself?! It appears, so happens! And, unfortunately, often. And intention to itself to do much harm at children arises not at the level of reason, and subconsciously. Though - there is also a conscious self-wrecking - here everything depends on as far as the child is afraid of what expects it ahead.
Disturbing expectation becomes so intolerable that - it is better now, anything... Not without reason speak “I die of fear“ sometimes it easier, than to wait.to the Injuries, accidents connected with expectation something terrible a thicket very conscientious children and children on whom keep a tight rein and often rigidly are subject to
and unfairly punish (not only physically, but also contempt, for example).
What to do?to Understand
that punishment has to be proportional to “crime“ and if to be expressed more precisely, then punishment should be excluded absolutely. Children are not punished. Instead of punishment the reasonable measures which are disciplining the person, but not intimidating him have to be applied.
the Reason - the rage, offense and other harmful feelings which accumulated inside
Life of children not such smooth as can seem at first sight. Their problems weigh not less, than ours, just from the point of view of adult experience they can be taken by us for trifles. For example, troubles at school, neglect of schoolmates, a resentment on those who possess the power (on teachers, on parents, for example).When bad feelings are saved and saved by
inside, two options of development of action are possible.
A - option: the child cannot get rid of them in socially acceptable way, here and throws out through risk, shocking.
B - option: the clamped harmful feelings are modernized in aggressive actions. And aggression can go both to others, and to itself.
the Mechanism starting the self-destroying behavior, approximately same as at sense of guilt.
What to do?
to Show, teach, to explain that there are also other ways of disposal of a negative (they should be tried and chosen those that will approach). And, above all - to allow the child to express the feelings (but being afraid not to clamp there, inside, condemnations or punishments), socially acceptable way. Even the balloon will burst if long and diligently to inflate it.the Reason - sense of guilt
Children often consider by
themselves guilty. There is a lot of occasions, the main is connected with age and features of thinking of children. The matter is that the child feels as the center of the Universe, and is inclined to consider that everything that occurs around it, happens from - for it. Mother came from work angry - “she becomes angry from - for me“ (to the child and will not come to mind that - from - for the chief or was simply tired). About the grandmother of granddaughters thought: “Here bothered though you would get to where - nibud“. And if incidentally coincided so that the grandmother suddenly got sick, he can solve too:“ It I am guilty“.our habit of the child to blame, reproach Aggravates with
this feature. At first we accuse, then, having got used to be guilty, the child learns to blame herself. And sense of guilt - so unpleasant feeling that the person always seeks to get rid of it. Someone - passing fault on another, someone - running into troubles. Here when supposedly I will suffer, then I will wash away guilt. Of course, the child not so consistently argues, but acts from such motives: subconsciously the way looks for the fault to expiate. Also finds: behaves so imprudently that gets some trauma. And though it looks as accident, but such “accidents“ are natural. Did not get rid of fault? Means, injuries and accidents will be still... There is more..
What to do?
If the child really was guilty, it is necessary not just to abuse it and to punish. It is necessary to show how to correct offense. And of course, to remember that the act can be everyone - good or bad - and the child - only good favourite. In totalgda.