How to speak with the child, or Five ways to solve one problem
Appear if the adult (the parent or the teacher) just changes something in the line of conduct, then many conflicts not only will easily be allowed, but even will not arise. In psychology it is called constructive interaction. There are several parting words.
In - the first if you want to listen to the child, surely face it. It is also important that his and your eyes were at one level.
In - the second if you talk to the upset child, should not ask it questions. It is desirable that your words sounded in an assertive form.
B - the third, in your answer also sometimes it is useful to repeat that as you understood, it happened to the child, and then to designate his feeling. “I understood that you hit Olya with the book because it teased you. It was offensive for you“.“ You have a five on stories today. I see that you are proud of the progress“.
B - the fourth, it is very important “to keep in conversation a pause“. If eyes of the child look not at you, and aside, afar, that continue to be silent - in it is mute there is very important and necessary internal work now, he absorbs, he thinks.
B - the fifth, never to a sravnivayota of the child with others, more successful, in your opinion, children! At each child it is possible to find of what it is possible to be proud! Also compare ITS results today`s to ITS previous. Look for the best in your child.
How to say that the child heard you?
1. Do not accuse to accuse - describe a problem.
Children with bigger readiness begin to behave more responsibly when the parent or the teacher instead of charges and orders describes a problem. Accurately and briefly. Instead of “Masha that here is created! Look that you did - all table in paint!“ it is possible to tell:“ Masha, on a table paint. Clean, please“.
2. Do not threaten and do not order - offer the choice.
of Threat and orders are forced children to feel helpless and offended. The choice opens the road to new opportunities.
- I do not want to eat, I do not want to eat, - four-year-old Mashenka shouts.
I instead of arrangements and intimidations (“If you do not eat this dumpling, then it will go for you and to cry“) can offer the child the choice. But such what is necessary to you.
- Mashenka, you will eat porridge buckwheat or oat?this principle works with
For more seniors even more effectively: >
- from what lesson it is more pleasant to p to begin to do You homework? From reading or from mathematics?the child is already switched by
I to considering of the independent choice, but not the whims.
3. Do not reproach, and express the feelings.to
It is proved that children hear not only shouts and threats. Try to speak about the feelings. It causes trust and forces to listen. Also does not cause response.
Instead of “I what, it is similar to a tree? Do not hang on me!“ it is possible to tell: “When somebody hangs on me, I am hurt by a back“.
4. It is possible not to speak, and to draw and write.
Children often turn to words of adults a deaf ear, and will not turn to the picture a deaf ear. Drawn or written for THEM it is remembered much better.
Instead of notations about responsibility for a pet, on a cage with a parrot to hang up a note: “I cannot breathe any more! Please, to consider my cage! Your friend Gosha“
5. Do not do the remark, try to draw attention with intonations.
Instead of: “What occurred here?! It just some beastliness! Disgustingly!“ it is possible to tell by voice of the French maid: “Oh, Maun Amy! Garbage on so where mi to have supper?! No, no, no. It should be cleaned immediately!“, gangster`s voice: “What for a market, guys? Collect - all this stuff, and that you will have big problems!“, robot voice: “All... toys... books... boots... banana peel... have to... to disappear... to... dinner“.
For children the world is a game. If creatively treats problems, of. just there will be no place left.