Strategy of positive initiations. Part 1
A few years ago I was lucky to get acquainted with the Polish children`s and family psychologist, the father of four children Shimon Gzhelyak and his family. Within a week I with an open mouth listened to his thoughts of education of children, then asked to send me articles written to them on the basis of which it published the book “Strategy of Positive Initiations“ subsequently. May we move its experience to the native soil? And whether we can apply its strategy with own children?you Remember
how on boondocks of school smoked the first cigarette or played “small bottle“? Whether you guessed then that the need for initiation moves you?
Initiation - (Latin initiatio - administering the Sacrament, dedication) - the ceremony marking transition of an individual to a new step of development within any social group or mystical society. Idea of initiation is removal younger seniors, inexperienced skilled, profane persons devoted on the new level, new height.the Need for initiation is natural
and lives in each of us. We will find its traces in each religion. The Epiphany, the first confession in orthodox Christianity, at Catholics are added to it the first participle and confirmation (anointing) carried in time with above-mentioned sacraments; bar - a mitsva and baht - a mitsv in Judaism, rituals of a samskar in Hinduism. Rituals of “introduction to a maturity“ existed practically in each primitive culture. And Soviet rituals? All these inclusion in oktyabryata, pioneers, Komsomol...Negative initiations
Absence of modern institutes of initiation in today`s society leads
to individual and group search of ways of initiation. Here - that we also come by the beginning of article: as initiations in our culture have very sketchy character, and nobody cancelled need for them, children and teenagers take a way of negative initiations. Shimon Gzhelyak writes
:“ When in group of the people who are engaged in prevention of problems of children and youth I ask about associations with the word “initiation“, the whole list quickly appears. The majority of associations belongs to risk behavior or problem youth: nicotinic initiation, alcoholic, narcotic, sexual... Here a context of dedications and the beginnings which includes considerable part of youth. Why? Because young people want to be adults, want that they were respectful to them, want to learn dedication, want to open the new horizons, want to live, want to accept calls“.
A a way of initiation is defined by culture. What culture - such and dedications. What society - such and initiations. At the time of crisis of culture and a family before the most part of the younger generation nobody puts positive calls to which young people would seek to grow. And if calls are put, then teenagers often have the help that to accept them. Shortage of positive calls and shortage of support follows from problems of the world of adults, it is difficult for them to play a role of positive authorities before such exacting audience as the growing-up children. Because the adult who puts calls has to be worthy beliefs. Has to live in a consent that speaks. It has to be devoted in in what devotes. And still has to be able to support a younger threshold in a perestupaniye and to find for this time.to
In practice often it happens that requirements of development of young people push them towards those dedications which are near at hand. They cross new thresholds independently. Age-mates or children one few years more senior play a role of entering and put calls. The first cigarette in the face of schoolmates, the first beer. First pornofilms, sexual contacts, first theft... It is a lot of valuable adrenaline. And again devoted begins to devote the following.
negative initiations have one advantage - they are easy. Neither the special knowledge, nor a strength of mind, nor moral sense is necessary for them. Negative initiations are ideally suited to climate of consumer society where illusion of achievement of happiness without effort reigns. There is a bar which will make happy you! It is even more free impulses, also you will have around yourself a circle of friends! Drink our beer, and you will get force of taming of elements!... It is easy to enter into such beginnings. The authority who enters is fully reliable. Also drank. Also smoked a cigarette (marijuana). Also beat. Besides, this authority gives support. A degenerate form of support is pressure of age-mates, pressure of group here.
Shimon Gzhelyak suggests not to be idle until value of traditional initsiatsionny thresholds finally disappears. It induces parents, teachers, psychologists creatively to approach creation of new culture of education which will be enriched with the new, adapted for our time initiations and also will increase value of former. He suggests to derive inspiration from tradition, from modern pedagogical knowledge, and also not least from personal experience which each of us, having a little thought, can get from a treasury of memoirs. Strategy, stages and thresholds, can and there has to be so much, we are how various, adults. to
At early age of one of “milestones“ the first second tooth can become p>
of Initiation of younger age. What if in honor of it the father takes the daughter or the son in some “adult“ travel? Content of travel depends on interests of the father, just it has to be something that it will be a little difficult for the child, but it is interesting, for example, a one-day pedestrian or ski trip. There has to be some overcoming, but at the end something pleasant - bathing in the lake or the small river or a tasty lunch in cafe for skiers. And, above all, only with the father, without mother, the brother or the sister. Having three children, we well know how to each of them the individual attention of parents is important. So, during this travel the father will declare to the child that he comes to other stage with the new rights and duties now. For example, Shimon`s daughters were allowed to turn off from now on the light in a bedroom for 10 minutes later that was “very prestigious“ in the opinion of younger. At the same time from this point the child joined in a circle of household chores, for example, had to put in turn with adult or senior children ware in the dishwasher. to
It is interesting that the first and the subsequent children endure initiations differently, and both ways are equally useful. For the senior in an adventure there is a surprise moment, and new rules are absolutely new too. And the subsequent children will expect with impatience from now on when and they replace the first tooth that also they could become big as the sister or the brother. In Shimon`s family the least daughter so wanted to participate in folding of ware in the dishwasher that she “beat out“ to herself the right to replace any of sick sisters.has to be
With duties so that they were “lifting“ for the child, and it is necessary to impose them on the child in time. For
the Following stage - the first time in the first class. In our society this big event. Parents together with the child buy a portfolio and a case, the school arranges a holiday. The prayer for pupils is served every year on September 1 in temples, this attention to children from believers of families is permanently important and pleasant. Changes in life of the child and so happen, the level of responsibility considerably increases, from parents the child needs to give only accurate signals “you will cope“, “your role is very important“, “we in it with you“.
Also transition to school age can become a good reason for gradual increase in level of self-service. Shimon tells about how he agreed with children that cuts bread on sandwiches, and the rest in preparation of “having a snack“ in school of the girl is undertaken. Gradually to
In our family this age became the beginning of regular joint walks of the child with the father, in private. Our close friend and the godfather of our children at whom children are more senior gave to us one valuable advice: you start traditions of joint carrying out time with parents to teenage age. Then it will become a habit, will be self-evident. Because not to interest the teenager in it any more. The husband goes with the daughter for a walk of time or two in a month, it is an opportunity to listen to her and to tell something about himself. For it it as appointment. And when we tried it with younger at more early age, the effect was not at all, it just did not grow.
of One of the main objectives of strategy of positive initiations is just strengthening of communication between children and parents. The strong relations - the guarantee of successful experience of difficult teenage years, the fostered trust of the child gives hope that with the “serious“ problems he will address the family.Initiation and paternity
Separate article Shimon devoted to
communications of initiation with a role of the father. In it he tells including about Slavic tradition of ritual transfer of the son under the power of the father. It occurred usually aged
of 7 - 9 years. In this regard we see that methods of positive initiations were applied not only in a “girlish“ family of Shimon, but also are tested in families of his wards where there were boys. He tells about a useful experience of one family where the boy was woken in the middle of the night and carried out by parents through an adventure of an hour with participation of darkness, garlic, lemon juice, cold water and the burning torch which represented life initiated which at first was in mother`s hands, and then symbolically passed to the father. Also the boy who not really well was given reading by the light of a torch had to read that it now not the small child, and the growing-up man, and passes under the power of the father from whom it, in turn, will take away a torch at the age of 18 years.
Of course that for the child all this adventure did not become too big surprise, the father several times warned him that the moment since which they with mother will consider him “not as the boy, but the husband“ will come soon.
after that the boy began to go independently to school, mother ceased to check his lessons, and control from the father was not such uneasy and petty, as from mother who constantly worried about the son. It gave to the son more responsibility which helped it to get on well at school better.to mother it helped to be exempted by
A from a role of “police officer“ who has to struggle with the criminal trying to shirk a round-up constantly. It opened more opportunities for pleasant pastime of mother with the son, joint sorties, fun, but not altercations.
Shimon argues that too many fathers “desert“ from a battlefield and are not interested in school progress and another matters of the children at all. So should not be neither in relation to sons, nor in relation to daughters.Continuation sdelut