Five stories about downshifting of
Why people leave, tear with former life, leave and make acts, surprising for those who remain: become guides on islands, ride the motorcycle on the Indian villages, grow up vegetables in the Russian remote place?
“We lived in hell, and now got to Heaven“
Svetlana and Artem were a usual Moscow young family: he is middle manager, she is an accountant in small firm, lived in the one-room apartment near Taganka, got paid “average on the market“, took the credits for the car and one more consumer, on apartment renovation.“ We had to live only to pay bills: a rent, payments for the credits, service of the car and rest once a year if there is enough money. We are months and years lived from a salary to a salary, calculated the family budget, got stuck in traffic jams, choked in the subway - Svetlana remembers. - In principle, according to the similar scheme there live hundreds, thousands and even millions of people. Most of all the fact that we did not see special prospects oppressed“. >
of Sharp career development it was not expected p. Spouses tried to open firm, but soon came to a conclusion that in Russia the businessman to be even heavier, than the hired worker.“ As a result we made the decision to leave Russia on other end of the world - to New Zealand. Settled all formalities, sold the apartment and all the property and departed with two suitcases with light baggage“, - Svetlana tells. Now spouses live the fifth year in New Zealand. On the money gained from sale of the apartment they bought the decent house in the picturesque suburb of the city of Tauranga. “From our windows the Pacific Ocean is visible, and at night we hear how it rustles“, - Svetlana tells. She does not work, is in charge of housekeeping, and Artyom by means of the website and social networks finds the tourists wishing to visit New Zealand, helps them to acquire tickets, to remove housing and provides services of the guide.“ We are not rich, we still have no big money, but what is earned by the husband, quite is enough for us for modest, but full-fledged life. We live at liberty, we and nothing have to nobody. We have the economy: a kitchen garden where I plant vegetables, several fruit trees, hens. So if there will be no work, we will not starve to death. Our today`s life even close cannot be compared to former: we lived in hell, and now got to Heaven“, - Svetlana says.
are Commented by psychologists Dmitry Yershov and Elena Bakhareva:
“In the city, being in beat imposed from the outside, people often suffer from the fact that there is no time for what is pleasant to them also on in what they always dreamed to be engaged. Of course, in similar cases it is possible to overcome the “family“ depression, without resorting to such emergency measures as departure for other end of Earth, but as a result they did right thing: changes for them to the best, it is pleasant to them, so, all of them made correctly.Though, maybe, someone will read to
this history and will think that life and there not so cloudless, everything depends on with what eyes to look at this situation. But set of factors definitely speaks well for their moving.
If to speak about risks which can trap Svetlana and Artem in their new life then they same as though they lived in Moscow or any other place. The main thing - as the person belongs to these risks and whether he is afraid of them. It is necessary to understand that we come to this world naked and we leave naked. Everything that is acquired - will be given“.
“I cannot idle for days on end“
Marrying the musician, Olga understood that she deals with the person creative and emotional. She, the economist by training, saw life in a bit different light and was more pragmatic, but at first it did not stir family life at all. However a year ago the cheerful and carefree husband - the musician as if was changed.“ He became isolated, constantly with concentration thought of something“, - Olga remembers. As a result Egor told the wife that he cannot live in “mad“ Moscow any more.“He said to
something about refusal of others purposes that he wants to go to Goa and to be engaged there in spiritual self-improvement. Presented me with a fait accompli: or you go with me, or I go one. On any compromises he did not want to go“. As a result Olga gave in on the husband`s arrangements, quitted the favourite job, the spouse on - fast leased the apartment near park around the Voykovskaya subway and left on the coast of the Indian Ocean where live year.everything suits Egor`s
, but Olga who was initially not wishing to lead a similar “vegetable“ life, such life strongly weighs.“ We have enough money which we receive from renting an apartment that not to refuse to themselves anything. We rent the beautiful two-storeyed house on an ocean coast, the magnificent nature around, but I cannot idle for days on end, I literally from it go crazy. I lack my family, my friends, I dream of the Moscow traffic jams and frosts“, - Olga says. On her arrangements to return back to Moscow Egor refuses because everything is pleasant to him: he practices yoga, reads, plays the guitar, found adherents - musicians, together they write music. Olga does not know that to do to her: on the one hand she loves the husband and would not like to lose him, and on the other side of her weighs a similar way of life and there is a wish to come back home.
are Commented by psychologists Dmitry Yershov and Elena Bakhareva:
“Olga loves the husband, and women are ready to make concessions for love - correctly or incorrectly, but it could not arrive in a different way in this situation. Now they together need to think how to keep a family and the relationship: someone has to make a compromise. Easy decisions are not given here. Olga can try to return for a while to Moscow and to make the decision. Perhaps, she just forgot - what it?
Actually idleness - relative size. Before it, as well as in Russia, and she can choose the same choice of occupations, than be engaged in this new life here and now. Meanwhile inaction is and there is its choice. It is not pleasant, let will be engaged in something: work in the charitable organizations, studying of local culture, juggling, music, drawing, education of children, eventually. Perhaps, the moment came to think of it? By the way, to support the husband in his creativity is a worthy business for the good wife of the creative person“.
“I was simply tired“
In career to Vladislav always good luck accompanied. The talented architect trained in London, very quickly “got a job“ on the market and began to earn decent money. Soon he created the firm, and by and large his family had no problems. “We were able to afford to fly for the weekend to Europe, to have a rest several times a year in expensive resorts, bought a penthouse in an elite housing estate. I could consider myself as the successful person“, - Vladislav tells. However at some moment the habitual way of life began to weigh it.“ I was simply tired. I was bothered by infinite negotiations, continuous haste, constant feeling that you are late somewhere that you need to hurry, to run“.
To surprise of friends and relatives, a year ago Vladislav bought ten hectares of the earth in the Karelian solitude and left together with a family on permanent residence there. Now they have a small farm, economy and a big two-storeyed felling. The family is engaged in a subsistence economy, Vladislav carries children in rural school, and houses the wife teaches them English and music.
But if in the beginning immigrants enjoyed the nature and tranquility, then now Vladislav began to doubt whether correct he made the decision.“ Even more often it seems to me that I got excited, and sometimes I even regret about what I so rubanut in a temper. Not to return business and after life on a farm any more, I am afraid that it lost a grasp. I even more often blame myself for the fact that I made the incorrect decision. Though now I already am not confident in anything: suddenly, when we will return to the city and I anew will debug the life, again it will want to me in a solitude?“ - the newly made farmer doubts. Vladislav tries to understand himself and to understand what he looks for actually (rest or dynamic city life and business success), but meanwhile he cannot unambiguously answer this question.
are Commented by psychologists Dmitry Yershov and Elena Bakhareva:
“Successful and wealthy people fall arms of downshifting because the success often is only an iceberg top, and under water high devotion and difficult difficult decisions which change the person, and he feels that not to the best. The constant tension and feeling passing by life - here that pushes people on similar steps.
the Example not really typical meaning that the person not so creative as Vladislav can take such step rather. Creative successful people, as a rule, manage to find a flexible way of self-realization without “downshifting“ easier. One of the reasons of such resettlement can be the fact that actually Vladislav learned to earn, but did not learn to create. In such cases there are no correct or wrong decisions. He could live life differently, but lives so. Not better and not worse, simply differently. To the active people making difficult decisions and changing the life, sooner or later this new life bores, and negative emotions from antecedents are erased, the reflection is shown. What left not to return therefore Vladislav needs to appreciate what he found. Let will try to reach compromise that also to be engaged in business, and outdoors to live far from all. Modern technologies are able to afford it“.
“Somehow so everything twirled - was started turning“
Going to the ocean to India, Dmitry did not even think that his travel will drag on for the whole seven months. He expected to live month, to have a rest from city bustle and then with new forces to return to work.“ Somehow so everything twirled - was started turning. I met there children who lived on the coast of the ocean not the first year. Bought the inexpensive motorcycle, and we went on the coast of the ocean, stopped on a lodging for the night in the real villages, in small hotels, long time lived at the temple. Time went: there passed month, then one more. There was no wish to come back at all, and I told everything to myself “in a week“ and again remained“, - Dmitry tells. For the first month of free life it dumped four kilograms, five more kilograms departed for the next two months. “I think that it because we constantly were in the movement, practiced yoga, ate healthy natural food“, - he considers.
Alas, money is in the habit to come to an end: as Dmitry tried to save, in seven months cash came to an end, the local source of earnings was not, and it was forced to return to Moscow.“ Bought the ticket for the last money, arrived and understood that I cannot live here, I cannot see these crowds of people with poker faces which constantly somewhere hurry“, - Dmitry tells about the feelings from Moscow. Dmitry is interior designer. Before the departure he not bad earned, had solid clients, but after arrival passed four months, and it cannot begin to work and will join in reality.“ I began some depression, melancholy for freedom. I feel as in a cage, but I can make nothing. It seems that there is no exit, and it frightens most of all“, - the designer complains.
are Commented by psychologists Dmitry Yershov and Elena Bakhareva:“Dmitry cannot be built in by
society which was clear and habitual to it earlier because he saw alternative which did not see earlier. Anyway fear and a fright - always bad advisers it is also necessary to make important decisions with the quiet head. Not everything is bad that is terrible, and not everything is good that is not terrible. Dmitry has too infantile approach to this situation. Besides, there is no mention about what usually holds the person in the homeland. It has no parents, friends, the girlfriend dear to his heart of a dog?
the Thought that the reduced mood is manifestation of melancholy for freedom, can be true, but maybe absolutely wrong. Anyway now his heart orders to arrive to it quite so, and any antagonism to this desire will cause in it the suppressed emotions. It is necessary to deal in more detail with a depression, there is also other way which can lead to not so unambiguous results, but it long, difficult also is connected with the personal growth and understanding of the real purposes. Having promoted on it, Dmitry can how to become stronger in correctness of the decision on a fast trip to India, and to choose other - the third, fourth, fifth route in the life. Everything will depend on what it will count for itself(himself) important at this vital stage, but a choice has to be made consciously and deliberately“.
“Downshifting is not mine“
“To throw everything and to go to Thailand if not for ever then for a year“, - this thought half a year haunted the manager Vladimir. He was interested in work less, even more often “retired into oneself“, colleagues and the management noted its constantly absent look and loss of working enthusiasm. The nervous breakdown became a signal to cardinal changes. “It never happened to me: I drank week, switched-off phone, and on Friday at the height of the working day in an alcohol intoxication was for work and stated to colleagues and the management everything that I think about office slavery and corporate ethics“, - Vladimir remembers circumstances of the departure.
Concerned by the unstable emotional state, he wrote the application at own will, moved down from the rental apartment, lodged valuable things to friends and took off to the coast of the Andaman Sea. In the beginning everything was pleasant to it: the weakened atmosphere, the nature, a nightly cheerful sit-round gathering with adherents under songs and dancings. However later some time monotonous “idleness“ began to bother.“ There passed month, and I suddenly understood that I “gorged on“ all this. I so wanted home, there was a wish to work, to do something. I understood that downshifting is not mine“, - Vladimir says.
For former work Vladimir could not get any more (his place was occupied), but he got other, not less successful job.“ I have a new collective, new work, new prospects, I am full of strength also plans. I consider that from time to time in life it is necessary to change something, otherwise you will sour and you will fall into melancholy“, - he is sure.
are Commented by psychologists Dmitry Yershov and Elena Bakhareva:“The reasons of a condition of Vladimir could be
a little: it both an overstrain, and failures, and something else that stayed behind scenes narrations. Mental and emotional exhaustion - quite widespread situation for workaholics and careerists. Perhaps, Vladimir needed just long holiday.Vladimir`s Opinion that from time to time in life it is necessary cardinally to change something cannot call
universal. To someone - yes. To someone - no. The assessment of a position has to proceed from the cumulative analysis of many factors, but, as a rule, if the general lifeline is chosen truly, similar “exercises“ are harmful: life is short and it is necessary to be in time a lot of things. Vladimir`s failure smells slightly of infantilism.
But also pluses are. They can be found that Vladimir is rather resolute to look for an exit from the difficult situation not in alcohol and drugs, and on travel. However, and at it did not do without abuse of alcohol, but these are costs of a situation and that culture in which we live.