Rus Articles Journal

Protect soul from the youth. That was not to bring up late

How to teach to distinguish the child kind from angry, truth from lie, sincere beauty from sincere ugliness? How to deal to the child, and at times and the adult, with feature of our time - gradual washing out of borders between the good and evil? How to avoid that the negative character became attractive for the teenager? The psychologist will help to understand these difficult questions.

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remembers a case as, being a twelve-year-old teenager, I at the request of the teacher of biology undertook to weed a bed and instead of a weed began to pull out small boring of chrysanthemums, having taken flowers for a weed. Why the weed seemed to me then more attractive? I did not know how small chrysanthemums therefore could not distinguish them from weeds look... It was a shame - the bed was left without flowers. For some reason this case for a long time remained in memory as a bright illustration of how inability to distinguish beautiful from ugly ruins beauty. And inability to distinguish kind from angry ruins also good, happiness, love - everything that is called the benefit. As it is important to teach the child to distinguish kind from angry, truth from lie, sincere beauty from sincere ugliness! It also distinguishes the person from an animal - no at an animal of a problem of change to the best, and at the person is.

to Teach to distinguish

kind from bad - does not mean to save from the negative choice, but means to take the first step in ability to distinguish one from another. To impart taste to good, warm desire to follow it - the main thing that it is necessary for the person. And to make it is necessary to be in time - and time much, all by of 10 - 12 years, to teenage age when children begin to get emancipated from parents is for this purpose allocated for parents not so. Then can be late. Something to make importance of it or the powerlessness, perhaps, parents of those children who left towards the evil and defect already understood. The good has to become own, the road which is freely loved by a life subject for the child from within. A task of parents - to create conditions for this purpose. It is possible when, doing kind, the child endures pleasure as a condition of assimilation of good is its connection with positive experiences. Here the role of education is undoubted: if appeal of good and a disgrace of the evil create conditions of assimilation of truth, then the good causes a joyful response, but not rejection in heart.

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In 80 - x did years research about impact of theatrics on younger school students: it turned out that children showed sympathy for the Baba-yaga - to the character naboly attractive and interesting, but negative (played probably by the talented actor), than to characters - carriers of positive images. The author of research recommended then to the people concerning art to consider simple, apparently, truth: the good has to be attractive, angrily - repellent. Then feelings and experiences of the child which are expression of its attitude towards reality will begin to carry out the alarm function in the correct sense. Pleasant experiences have to be connected with good, unpleasant - with the evil. This influence of feelings and experiences on development of the child is obvious, proved it and experience of grandmothers who, bringing up the grandsons, read them fairy tales and so that children were carried away with fantastic heroes to the fantastic country where sympathized with a grief and rejoiced to victory over evil, cried over sacrifice of the heroes rescuing the relatives and were indignant on angry, cunning and crafty.

Now children is come into the view by a different printed and video production where through the interlacing of feelings turned inside out manipulations with categories of the good and evil are dexterously beaten.

Connection of sensuality with a disgrace excites instincts and ignores the true beauty showing itself in silence and simplicity. Attractive heroes of movies which plot can look quite decent can serve as an example of that: it is under construction on fight of the hero against the evil. But look at an image of the hero: aggression, incredibly inflated arrogance, but at the same time - physical force and appeal. Or the thief - the good friend “of“, courageous, strong, independent and purposeful. The attractive image kneaded on the spoiled lie yeast creates an ideal of doubtful taste.

One more example at all not the hero (in whose world the present drama, fight in which light or darkness is born is developed), but the ambiguous character, which has quite certain negative aspirations framed with charming lines - Ostap Bender from I. Ilf and E. Petrov`s novel “12 chairs“.

Courageous, optimistical, well and thinly understanding psychology of people, not deprived of sense of humour, dexterous person causing sympathy in the audience and readers - the ordinary adventurer, the charlatan and the cheat who is ready to do anything for the sake of a profit. This hero in the bulk of the audience and readers causes only sympathy. Why? Though it is a question to literary critics, but for us - an illustration of how the negative character can become attractive through connection of bad will with the imposing traits of character.

So, the tempting image having doubtful aspirations which so gracefully and easily are embodied by it. At scarcity of an inner world - what creative relation to life, at the lowland of the purposes - what fearlessness, at perversity - what inspiration! The mass of the merits doing the hero to captivating serve rather trite purposes to which all charm of the hero is subordinated. To cheat all and to make it gracefully - here that can become attractive to some young people who took for a role model of such hero. Whether I. Ilf and E. Petrov when they wrote the novel that instead of satirical ridiculing of the hero they will cause sympathy for it could assume?

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So, through a vpleteniye of positive sides in images of negative characters (that does them, and in their person angrily, attractive) creates an image of “the modern person“. How here to understand to the teenager, and at times and the adult, with such feature of our time - gradual washing out of borders between the good and evil? Without “reigning in the head“ here not to understand.

It is desirable for p not to watch such production and if it is impossible to manage in any way - then to discuss with children seen or read, a condition of what the spiritual bond with children and presence of the authority of adults, of course, is.

A if you come to a modern children`s performance where will show to children the fairy tale “Wolf and Seven Kids“, you, maybe, even are not surprised that the director turned sense of the fairy tale, having made of a wolf very friendly being who, actually, and was not going to eat kids but only wanted to play with them. So mother a goat in vain was very cautious, trying to save the kids from obvious death.

with Such examples, unfortunately, filled our space not only at cinema, but also in life. Therefore it is impossible to leave the child in private with seen or read in any way. It is possible to save from what comes from the outside only having opposed other beauty and appeal, having brought up reference points of the good and evil and ability to understand it.

Support of own positive image of the child

the positive image of itself is very important

For the child: it gives it strength, supports in its development. Already since childhood it is created by parents. How? Through recognition of its importance and value, through approval and support of its positive intentions, through familiarizing with sources of positive images.

Sometimes in kindergartens purposeful creation of such image is observed by

in an inadequate look. For example, when children are taught auto-suggestion in the form of shouts “I there is a best! I am the best!“ . Such illegal creation of a positive image of is based not on love, and on suggestion that not same. Creation of the adequate positive image of which is formed since childhood goes through recognition of the importance of the child and love to it, but not through hysterical shouts. Especially as it does not exclude censure of negative manifestations at all. An adequate assessment of behavior of the child against the positive relation to it - a condition of correctly apprehended positive image “I“.

the Child during the growth and development needs approval from adults, their support without which it is difficult for it to accustom to this world. To approve - means to speak about kind. Restrained, did not hit the offender, helped mother though wanted to play, etc. Approval for efforts, work on overcoming - the most right subject of parental attention. To estimate the contribution made for another:“ As you pleased me“, so it well. The child rejoices to the fact that mother rejoices. It is a soradovaniye element as a special case of partnership.

the Moral assessment

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Along with creation of a positive image of which relies on love and attention of adults to the child is necessary for

also an assessment of negative acts and behavior. Therefore the combination of a positive image of to a moral assessment of behavior, the adult`s attitude towards behavior (not to the personality) the child is very important. It can be expressed always differently: to the sensitive child of rather inquiring look, another - a post-ugly face, there is a lot of options, they are defined by age, features of the child, a situation. But the main thing - a subject of an assessment and that spirit in which it will be executed.

Often we meet an inadequate assessment from parents. To avoid it, we will point to some appreciable errors.

the First type of an inadequate assessment is shown by

when the assessment subject is misunderstood, i.e. what is estimated. Often it is necessary to witness how adults in a hysterics snatch with insults on the child from - for the broken toy or the soiled clothes, bringing the kid to crying, and sometimes and to a nervous breakdown. Breaking the evil on the child, they shift the emotionally - psychological freight to weak and brittle children`s shoulders. The moral assessment cannot be immoral.

the Understanding that negative manifestations are not breakage of a toy with the purpose to learn its device and not incidentally soiled dress, and rage, aggression, greed, hysteria and all that harms the identity of the child and can damage

to it in the future if it is not blamed.

Other type of inadequacy of an assessment of the adult is expressed to

in its inconsistency: what was considered yesterday admissible is punishable today. Then the child is confused.

the Third type of an inadequate assessment is shown by

in underestimation or lack of an assessment. When parents do not blame the evil, in everything acquit the child, and at times accuse all and everything, seeing correctness of the child everywhere.

When to my son was about 3 years old, we from the acquaintance who had a daughter of the same age, walked together with children. I saw how the baby hit the son. I scolded her a little on what mother was indignant and told that it and wants to be struck. So she explained and at the same time justified behavior of the daughter. To my surprise there was no limit. Means, I thought, there are such meek, modest people causing at brisk and aggressive scabby desire to hit them. Examples when parents acquit the children, there is a lot of. It forms at the child the wrong idea of itself, inability and unwillingness to see in itself shortcomings, to understand that this or that offense bad. Such parents idealize the child, encouraging the evil which has to be stopped. Becoming adults, such children can be intolerant of criticism, are inclined to a self-justification. They develop the destructive protective mechanisms braking and deforming development of the personality, development spiritual “I“. Charge of others, aggression, unwillingness to reckon with people around, aspiration any, often inadequate means “to be good“ not to break a positive image of which they very much need, - here a portrait of the adult, well-mannered in this way. In the childhood at such adult the evil was not eradicated and the positive image of did not take roots in a due measure because a ryegrass of the evil grew together with growth of the child and prevented to increase the thorns to the God`s image in the person. That is why, the earlier the child by means of parents will see bad in himself, the it is more than chances that it will not develop further.

One more type of the distorted assessment is shown by

in an inappropriate and frequent assessment when circumstances are not considered, intentions of the child when the child is under constant and vigilant control of parents and a subject of an assessment each incorrectly taken step serves. Such control, depending on personal features of the child, can cause aggression, fear, decrease of the activity and initiative, and sometimes and hypocrisy.

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If in education places emphasis on shortcomings or negative sides of the child, then the positive image of is not formed, it also distorts development as deprives of the child of a support, supports, the child loses interest in himself that brakes the act of self-knowledge, aspiration to improvement.

It is possible, the knowledge of different types of the distorted assessment and its consequences will help us to avoid it. Both the oblivion of an assessment, and ignoring of positive sides of the child distorts knowledge of, develops inadequacy. Love lessons really begin in infancy, but proceed all childhood. The true love of parents gives rise in the child to respect for itself and to others, puts self-respect: the child has to grow with confidence that can change for the better.