Marriage and calculations of
the Monetary question - one of the most conflict zones in the relations between the husband and the wife. At least because places a family on a certain social step. However, as it is paradoxical, but the quantity of money plays not a major role in this question. The reverse side of a financial question is considered by the psychologist Evgenia Zotkina.
- When to young spouses needs to begin to discuss a financial question to prevent the conflicts on this soil?
- Financial questions needs to be discussed even before marriage - where the family will live where to take funds for the maintenance of a family who will bear responsibility for it. Different families exist by the different principles of financing: both spouses or only one can work, in some families both spouses can not work, and gain income, say, from a rent. And not always ideas of one party of financial questions can coincide with opinion of future spouse or spouse. Here it is important to learn to agree, discuss the relation to money before marriage: whether it is necessary to save, postpone constantly for something whether it is necessary to have a stable salary, or it is possible to dare to work as the freelancer...
Money is a certain equivalent of opportunities, they allow the person to realize the desires. One family has enough absolutely small sums for life, and in other family there are conflicts on money at full, apparently, wellbeing. And very often it occurs because that during the premarital period the financial question remained “behind brackets“. Many women to a wedding only pretend that they are happy with that standard of living which future spouse can offer them: for example, it is important to them to marry by all means, or they are afraid of the conflict therefore avoid a “slippery“ question. But when the woman marries, it becomes suddenly clear that the income of the husband does not meet her expectations and the relations were far from her imaginations. And then to the forefront there is an interpersonal discontent, at once it becomes visible how actually spouses belong to each other. >
- As it is correct to p to build up the relationship that the one who earns money did not become in a family a dictator?
- Dictatorship in a family arises not from scratch, usually someone from spouses allows to treat himself so. If for one of spouses such model of the relations was inadmissible, the relations just would not develop. Often the woman who financially depends on the man quietly hates him for the dependence. At the same time it does nothing to become less dependent, finds to itself a heap of justifications. In such situations not the question of money, but a question of realization of own psychological purposes emerges even - such woman will prefer to submit, suffer and be humiliated rather, than to be independent. If the woman is respectful to herself, she will be able to build up the relationship with the spouse so that he will see: actually in their family there is an equivalent exchange of services - the husband brings money in a family, and it provides a cosiness in the house, cooks food and raises his children.
- whether the basic principles on which the family budget is formed Are?
- If spouses want to exist harmoniously, it is important that each partner had own material space, the small group of money of which he could dispose as he wants, without reporting to another. Each person has a circle of own requirements, and these requirements can differ from needs of other person. It is fine if in a family there are envelopes in which spouses postpone some sums for life, on the house, on education of the child, and there is still a separate envelope on trivial expenses. As Oscar Wilde spoke: “I can manage without necessary, but I cannot live without superfluous!“ . To many couples momentary pleasure - to go to restaurant is more important to derive and to spend money for a tasty dinner, than to postpone for large purchase, limiting itself in everything. Usually such way of life is peculiar to those people who since the childhood were well off. The main thing that spouses had an identical view on monetary expenditure, then the conflicts will be on this matter minimized. When the person is able to afford to buy that he wants even if it is any trifle, at this moment he feels to the rich, it gives it children`s joy that it is very important. And when the person saves, for example, for a country house, during this period he feels to the poor because he is not able to afford these small pleasures.
- whether Should stock “for rainy day“? How it is better to calculate this stock?
- Everything depends on as far as at spouses it is developed or the feeling of safety is not developed. If the person with trust treats the future, it is not obligatory for it to do accumulation. He, of course, does not know that he will be tomorrow, but he is internally sure that somehow everything will develop - he lives in afternoon and perfectly feels. Such position is unacceptable for other person, he cannot sleep peacefully if it has no accumulation. Besides in couple it is very important that views of spouses were similar. Of course, if the husband lives for today, and the wife considers inadmissible to live without accumulation, it will be reflected in their relations. Therefore it is very important to discuss these questions before marriage.
Are two categories of rich people - rich people with temporary financial difficulties and “poor“ people with money which could facilitate the life, but since the childhood are accustomed to save each kopek. Usually it is natives of rather poor families, such people very hard leave money. It turns out that for such category of people money - a certain symbol of power, but at the same time they cannot use them. They live as rather poor people though actually they have money. And there are people who have not a lot of money, but they live as if they much - at such people are internal feeling of wealth. They rejoice that by means of money can realize the dream, and are ready to leave easily them, for example, for the sake of some holiday. At such people who postpone nothing which make of money, as a rule, always light are some options, opportunities to live comfortably. And the one who watchfully treats life all the time waits for a dirty trick, saves for some emergency, as a rule, and wait any financial troubles.
- And what the easy relation to money differs from thoughtless in?
- criticality Degree. The thoughtless person spends money thoughtlessly, without limiting the expenditure, he loses feeling of reality, and then when his family has nothing to eat, speaks “as so“? The person who makes of money light does not go in cycles in them - he is able to afford to spend a certain sum of money, but he knows how to fill this resource. It has an adequate perception of reality.
- If financial position in a family cardinally changed - the income sharply fell or sharply increased - as with the greatest psychological comfort to be reconstructed on a new way of life? The stress for a family - when money is and suddenly they died, and the family endures just the same stress when money was not - and suddenly they appeared in a large number.
- Here do not have universal laws. Ability to analyze a situation is very important. Negative emotions have one big plus - they start search activity, the person begins to think how to change a situation. In crisis situations it is always necessary to adjust itself on a positive. If there is no work - it is it does not matter, it is only temporary difficulty with which it is possible to cope. In such situation family members do not need “to blame“ at each other, to accuse itself(himself) of financial crisis which happened to a family - important to show patience and support.
Strangely enough, sudden poverty - not the most difficult situation. In the second case it is much more difficult to cope with changes - people got used to save, live modestly, and suddenly the wealth falls down them. When people sharply grow rich, mentally they try to return to a former way of life, try to become the poor again. Very few people can easily enter new rich life and begin to live with this wealth like a duck to water. Most often the person feels lost, embittered on itself and on people around, loses old friends and does not get new. It is psychologically simpler to man of means to appear without money, than poor to become the person rich.
- And whether it is possible to develop in itself here such relation to money - not thoughtless, but a lung?
- When have not enough money, apparently, that life will become more joyful and happy if it will be more of them. But it is illusion. The human nature such is that he always wants more, than he has. The image of the person which is in infinite realization of the desires was described very precisely by A.S. Pushkin in the fairy tale “About the Fisherman and a Small Fish“. Let`s remember the old woman who at first was one trough enough, and then already and it is not enough stolbovy nobility. Not to get on a hook of the desires, it is important to build valuable priorities which are not connected with acquisitions. In fact, not so much in life it is necessary for the person.