Day of the seventh -Ya I cost one more day from my life as if in a stupor, without blinking and without moving, still covered with soapsuds of day works, with grown dumb with the fussy gallop - I cannot tell legs - it is rather hoofs, on twisting race paths of the native not stud.
begins One more quickly growing decrepit day the slow ritual of farewell. Gold - the sun, majestically, from - for mountains of the ruffled snowdrifts - clouds, shows the golden flank, having sent for these several seconds to the earth the amount of heat sufficient for origin and maintenance not of one thousand lives of live organisms, this energy be purposeful. Then, it is so important and lazy hides back for ridges of quickly coming swelling-out clouds. But even after Gold - the sun regal retires for the most dissatisfied cloud, on green, full of hope, fields, contrary to laws of the nature, and some unprecedented miracle, remain to lie and to flash softly to them the placer dropped from heights which still some time continues to be poured inexplicably in itself, by inertia of life.
the Lark in all klyuvik singing the anthem to the sun and life ceases during that moment when the last patch of light of the sun dropped on the earth perplexed thaws, and on its place night cicadas, these twilight singers of love immediately enter. Their cool lullaby is not so masterly as a hot song of a lark, but, at the same time, not less passionate.
the Air honeycombed through by myriads silver a dozhdinok hardly holds all moisture, tearing itself tummies. Sheets and blades incline in a sleepy curtsey to the earth, preparing for a dream.
In general that I left the house for only several minutes. And why I left? I do not know. And unless it is necessary to leave “behind something“? Behind bread, for example, behind vodka, after the hours given to repair, for the child playing nearby in a sandbox, or behind what? Why it is necessary to leave behind “something“ and for “something“? And always to do “something“? To do some useful gestures, always receiving in exchange something? Always to take something. Always to have some advantage, benefit? And I here left just like that. Not “behind what“ and there is nothing. Behind yesterday. Behind gold of the thawing sun, the foaming clouds and passionate chirring of evening cicadas. Ridiculously? At all. As I also assumed
, on my return home, the wife, seeing me empty-handed - not on a kitchen garden behind a useful vegetable, depending on the parties, trudged, and not behind water, with a look sentenced, to a well started wandering, and spent for nothing half an hour of life - “whacked“ me a frown and angrily left in a huff. I did not bring myself benefit. And did not bring to it. Brought to nobody. But, having refused to itself tolstopuzy advantage, I brought a little advantage to the nature and everything that surrounds me.
is interesting, of course, but wives, usually by the nature, very uneasy beings who are eternally fussing, running where - nibud on numerous affairs, all the time preparing at a plate, washing clothes, ironing these clothes, bringing up and edified the disobedient and unreasonable children, even when that for far thirty, and still making one thousand daily everyday feats hate if they have a spouse the philosopher. Or, say, phlegmatic person. Or just fairly clever person, not the person interested to spend the precious time for all this vanity. Well, not that vanity puts everything - and it is necessary to make a lunch and to wash, and a malyuka to podteret snivels, and - the goof-off in barrels to push the husband. But why to charge itself how on emaciated, desperate soon to reach a treasured oasis, a camel, all this unreasonable lots of imaginary problems, and, being beaten out with the last bit of strength, being irritated on everyone and everything, to drag it dragging, using foul language and being dripping with seven sweat at the end it is necessary to ask itself an immemorial Jewish problem “And it me?“.
U us what, the earth under legs burns? On which to us this gave up sterile how in the operating room, purity - and, we are proud of that what we are great neatniks, nearly every day we wash and we scrub, and those who not so chistobezumen how we, we condemn and we discuss?
Or to what to us the field set with any useful culture - both an eternal kartoshechka, and a sweet svekolka, and hrumky cucumbers, if “we“ - in singular? Popolzayem by cancer month - another on it, we will collect everything, we will close, being dripping self-sacrificingly with sweat and twisting itself hands, hundred cans of big-bellied cucumbers and tomatoes, and also other useful greens (I samolichno know such toilers of a bed and kitchen garden), we will put all these fresh-salted treasures in cellars, in closets, on a mezzanine. And then that? Sing, excuse, is we will be? Well, one ten cans which - as we will knead - one that not really appetizingly. Despite resistant resistance, we will put off other ten to the family and acquaintances. The couple of pieces of glass will blow up on our happiness. Well we Will also tell what`s next?, cheap bidding up ourselves what we economic and thrifty, faugh you - well you, at the same time without knowing where to alloy other fifty cans which still will stay not one year? To us it will give to confidence? Will force to rise in own estimation?
“Ah, I have so many problems, it is so much problems“ - I hear from all directions. “And what for problems?“ - I am interested. “Repair in the apartment needs to be made, the car by which I drive “already“ to sell, buy two years the new mobile phone and to buy a new coat“. Or “to seed, weed, spray, hill etc. potato, beet, tomatoes, cucumbers, etc.“ - and, for example, to have a denture made there is no time, without speaking it is already simple to stay with the husband or the wife, children, to sit during a summer time on a porch and to look at stars is such bright tochechka that is unclear as burn in the night sky.
I all that you, in thirty, some already shabby and poobtrepanny. In total somewhere you rush, you calculate - you gain how this time to earn one hundred dollars any more - to dodge. Almost you do not watch yourself. “Health“ has already an effect - there do not pass completely business wine parties, food by fits and with no drink, an ubiquitous stress. Almost forgot to talk on - human - a slang and a semi-mat. there is no
A everything time. Neither on, nor on the relatives, nor on God, nor on eternity. As if we have one more life for emergency. As if we only train, and here - here we will begin to live really.
At work a working flat out. Full work involving all hands. Time of holidays and management twilight state. From time to time, he makes sudden amok - attacks on our sales department, starting up around himself powerful electric circles of sincere dissonance and cheap cologne, goes backwards - forward, discontentedly snuffling, tormenting also itself and we rhetorical questions it seems “Were gained much? “ or “Well, when, at last, you will begin to sell production?“ and to that similar Chinese tortures. our Director belongs to
to numerous and slowly endangered species of Directus Soveticus, and differs in nothing from million invincible army of managers of a “sovok“ formation. At the enterprise he is God-almighty, terrible Jupiter, the lord of gods and people for whom always the first and last word whose will for all the law. He always knows everything and understands best of all, knows who than breathes who the good worker and who bad.
It - our Supreme instance, our voice of truth, our eye of Omniscience. So it seems to it, on extremely measure. Or rather, such as it, never seems, they are always sure. Also it stays in an own world. And we in the. It has the truth. We have it the. All the time homespun some, not such as at it.
is Told by him as it all grown in Soviet period, heads, is loud also a bass. As if utters truth. Intonation does not suffer objections. A stomach forward, the person apoplectic, is fastidious - unseeing, gestures sharp, clumsy. A manner of board - “an iron fist“ and any “slyuntyaystvo“.
For the sake of it you have to throw everything - to listen, remember, execute. Never to call its orders into question. And to carry out them first of all even if it is a personal request.
Such respect force. Any. Physical, intellectual. Will power, word force. Weak do not love. Often despise. “Deviations“, identity and strangenesses in behavior, thinking, a way of life do not accept. Dissent is not suffered. Always know as it is necessary and as it is not necessary. Where truth, and where lie. Who is right and who is guilty.
In the head at such always crowd some thoughts which implementation they exhaust the subordinates and which are seldom finished because in order that in the head the thought was born seconds are necessary, and days, weeks and are necessary month for its implementation. by
“Smiths, collect to me everything on advertizing on boards of trolleybuses and buses. It will be necessary to give such advertizing“ - the next order - the order hoots. And though you already, only three months ago, of course, with light hope for pardon of Al sentenced to 3000 years prison - Katras of the criminal, submitted, on three sheets which are used up from top to bottom, just the same information, and it, without the slightest doubt was simply sent to a wastepaper basket, now it is idea already MOST, and he is happy with the ingenuity, and is angry on sluggishness of the subordinate who sleeps and does not catch mice. What to do? Not to go, really to it and to explain that it it, but not you it is necessary to dismiss for discrepancy That it at it, but not at you instead of the head is unknown what pumpkin on shoulders. That he is an idiot, the moron, the cretin, the imbecile, letargik.
But, of course, you do not go to cut plain truth anywhere, and having angrily clenched teeth, hear how some of your near colleagues extol need of such action, promotion, without suspecting who, actually, the author of idea. you anew collect by
Within a week a full package on placement of an advertisement in and outside of transport. In total: cost, conditions, terms. You call, you write, you meet representatives of advertizing agencies. In a weekend, tired, but happy with the done work, you nearly run carry all collected data to the Principal Reason, all to see how your distressful work is given up on a table corner where the week pile of some pieces of paper already alone becomes dusty, and to hear “Well. Let`s think“.
You fall out of huge and conditioned Zeus`s dwelling - the Thunderer, perfectly understanding that the advertizing paroxysm passed, the mood changed, other thoughts overcome a buyna a golovushka. Was not in time. All your works which are plentifully watered then and covered several to layers of the ruined nervous cages ruined … noticed
Ya, and long ago - just at the beginning there was no present unshakable confidence in me - that we at work are constantly humiliated. Not just belittle, underestimate and level our merits, achievements, progress, namely humiliate our human dignity. It seems “I explain phrases for Indians …“, “From you the economist as from me the Japanese pilot …“, “That for a nonsense you bear … there“ are heard every day, and are the integral, “usual“ part of communication of the chief with subordinates.
Ya also noticed that, even being object of sneers and belittlings in the smallest, in comparison with my colleagues, degrees, I, nevertheless, cannot get off importunate sense of guilt and an inferiority complex, it is unimportant that from hard work at me the back got wet, and hands wearily refuse to juggle with numerous tasks. All the same I am bad. I am a blunderer. “A fig I do not understand“. “Pig in oranges“. If long to say to the person that he a pig, eventually, he really zakhryukat. And with me. The pig will begin to trample down oranges soon.
But because consciousness, slavish at us. Times it seems as exchanged, trends “as if“ new were included into our life, and “as if“ became realities, and the same mentality remained, “sovok“, hardened. A hard-working horse yes constantly a whip up to grain, will not wait for some gingerbread. Horses - all this we, are more faithful than a jade. And the driver - the chief, the head, the director.
I we accept this our slavish, on roll out spread behavior as the second nature - got used. And where to disappear? There is a wish to eat that. And it is tasty. And that in heat. And that any changes. And that it is silent. Imperceptibly. To sit out day. Not to catch sight.
B twenty six, in on the adult a rash rush of adherence to principles and out of universal justice, I left the place similar to which at me, most likely, will never be any more, as if I did not try. There was everything: work with foreigners (the end of the ninetieth when it meant prestige and the good income for many), good salary in dollars (approximately several times above an average salary over the country), frequent do a bit of traveling to regions with good travelers. But that it is the most important - I was engaged in what gave me pleasures. And here - left. From the principle. As a sign of a noble protest. From - for what put on to suffer dirt in minds and souls. Because did not want to become the toady and the slave.
Passed time. I became more senior. Work - so-so. A salary - so-so. The administration does not appreciate and as I already spoke, simply humiliates. And what? Again to get the adherence to principles from a pocket? To awaken the dozing advantage? Can say directly to the fat Ivan Ivanovich that I think of him? What will I achieve? Justice? I will be started to respect? Will begin to appreciate? It is sure that is not present. Not those times. Not those people. Though ancient spoke: “ O tempora, o mores - about times, about customs “. And Nietzsche wrote: “Times for the person were always rather bad that in him the desire of the best did not die“. And it means?