Rus Articles Journal

Fools all of us

chapter 1: Vstupitelno - lyrical

this Work will turn out especially personal, but, reflecting on this subject, I believe, another it cannot be and should not as, reasonings on nonsense, it would be stupid to write about persons and events abstract and fictional, drawing some conclusions, and so I to reproach myself with artificiality and unreality I will not be able unless in easy exaggeration.

I Work as the marketing specialist in sales department of Nogo of the enterprise, in Nom the city. In this position of everything is navsy about a year and the country, and the city are new to me. But, nevertheless, I believe

that one year - term quite sufficient to understand that to what, and to draw certain conclusions and an eye still, so to speak, was not hackneyed, the onlooker sees most of the game. I Will begin

with the fact that yet I did not see such care about health of the person anywhere as in RB. To be employed as the marketing specialist, and it meant work “behind the screen“ as they speak, that is at the computer, I had to pass medical commission from 13 - ti experts: I passed the ENT SPECIALIST of the doctor, the oculist, the therapist and the surgeon, two times did me a X-ray, once, to get a medical record which for the third day managed to lose, examined me from top to down and from below up, however, nearly did vaccination from which I could put on myself a wooden suit, instead of a suit business as I am an allergic person, me forced to go to a narcoclinic to other end of the city where I had to take some private papers which I did not take as me nobody warned - and what, also it is necessary to warn? - where I stood turn from x-dtsati the person, all the time, passing some criminal then took of me a view tries to look younger years 25 - ti and made record in a medical card. I took an interest that she wrote there. I was answered that in a medical card made record that I am absolutely healthy. “And how you so quickly defined it?“ - I took an interest. The girl darted a frown at me and answered - “On your appearance“. Here is how, there is an alcoholic you, the addict or just household drunkard in RB define by means of lightning frowns (I did not hear about such technique yet). I, was, entered upholding of the rights, I declared that usually patients are examined by a palpation, study from mucous, I listen to breath by means of a stethoscope, at the worst ask different intimate questions on what by that moment furious “vrachikha“ angrily is already happy declared what now will collect a consultation from 10 - ti the person and they, all in a crowd, I undressed to pants will be long examined, will not find something yet. I understood that silence - is valid gold, and hasty retired, the truth having left in cash desk around five uye for “survey“. On passing of medical board at me left more than a week and a lump sum of money. However, doctors so found nothing.

At last having settled on profitable (as it appeared, for doctors) the place, I started studying of the duties. Duties were, I quote: “an osvaivaniye of new sales markets, monitoring of foreign sales markets, the analysis of demand for production of the enterprise in the country and beyond its limits, advertizing and so forth. “, however, it became clear later that, for example, “advertizing is not necessary to us, and so all know us“ what it was declared to me every time, I should have given a hint at it, the analysis of demand for production became within 20 minutes on the basis of the figures made up or fabricated (in those places, most likely, they were closest to real), questioning of foreign consumers was made … on the place, by means of the otkserenny seals and counterfeit signatures.

Two months later me, from sales department sent in … shop, as a provershchik at “stand“, for “production need“. At the beginning I felt shock, then easy bewilderment, at the end, in three days of hard physical work, irritation and indignation. Behind the test stand to me it was necessary to check, under pressure, any metal miscellanea, to lift and lower boxes weight do30 - 40 kg. I have a tumor of an abdominal ring, on - simple small hernia, and I cannot drag weights. However, at plant it interested nobody: to sit down at the computer monitor I had to provide employment to 13 doctors and to fill up treasury of the state on several tens uye, for the same to work physically in shop, moving 40 - kilogram boxes, no commission was required. I, however, nevertheless somehow glanced in a first-aid post, for confirmation of the physical state, unsuitable to such work, but, having seen on a wall the schedule “Reduction of traumatism at the enterprise“ from 2005 to 2007 inclusive though I outside stood so far 2006, but traumatism steadily fell in 2007, and nobody could do anything with it, I decided to come there as seldom as possible.

did not give Overalls to me, instructing took exactly 1 minute (a little later, I understood that check of any iron stuff under pressure very dangerous business - incorrectly “filled“ pig will shoot to you pryamekhonko at a bowling alley which later as I still hoped, could be useful to me for work behind the screen or for what). In three days, risking to catch still big hernia and to lose the remains of belief in common human sense, I flatly refused to help out production by the valorous physical work.

Having returned to the “paper“, but very important work, I, gradually, began to open for myself the world for me the unknown and, to put it mildly, strange hitherto. Work was humming and was argued. Figures, letters, resolutions, decisions, shipments, loadings - three months later a table my of three boxes refused to be closed persistently because of its overpopulation by various “important“ papers. Then in department folders were bought. Folders were bought by me and in order that this “office“ to get and hand to each employee it was required to pass 9 levels of the exhausting game under the name “A stationery. Doomsday“ or “Nine circles of hell. Dante has a rest“. I counted, for acquisition of the handle or a pencil in office it is necessary to put about 12 signatures and about 8 stamps and the seals then everyone received this office tool has to be responsible for it and in case of loss to report.

Ya sorted the paper stuff - at me exactly twelve folders, no more, turned out not less. On each of folders about two inscriptions - on the face and sideways were pasted exactly, and all of them are taken on the important account. Twelve paper daddies with important - prevazhny documents, letters, decisions, resolutions. All this while my immediate superior was not tired to remind me (that I did not forget), every time, important being inflated as a turkey-cock on a manure heap that I “unclear in what am engaged“, “I smoke a bamboo“ - as it was expressed, and in general I pound from me as from a goat of milk.

That to sense from me was not as from a smelly goat and as, at least, from a cachectic goat, me charged to be engaged, I quote “questioning and monitoring of degree of satisfaction of the consumer with production of the enterprise“. In, Kako the name is important … However, how to monitor these consumers plainly did not find time to explain (but as sounds!) business, the people that busy is clear. There were I as the pioneer, by fax to our consumers to stuff these sama of the questionnaire, well, as well as it is necessary, to ask them to fill tearfully these are important bumazhentsy, to register entering, to set the seal and the signature of the head, hearing in reply or dissatisfied puffing - growl, or messages in a business form there where Makar of bisons did not drive. Three days it was taken. From ten pieces any did not return back. Business to whom hunting to potter with this waste paper is clear. “We take your production - means, are satisfied with both quality, and cost. And all here“.

of Promuchivshis three days with these pieces of paper, and seeing the deplorable result, “in a polite form“ explained to me that so I will never receive any questionnaire. It is necessary most to fill bumazhentsya ent. In, as. And I am a simpleton, not a doper! Znachitsa, began to practise I in a forgery of signatures and the seals. And where to disappear? The high chief gave me the master - a class. With the seals it turned out, the science - otkser is small, paste, otkser again - and it is ready! And here with signatures … Badly it turned out to forge: not “on - beastly“ I will twirl a tail, I will make an inclination insufficiently “drunk“, is shorter as chicken of kopyty. Hardly, under plaintive bleating of conscience, I Razna drew figures, the proceeding number and a poper put all this waste paper to the high administration, on check, it appears. Highly the administration pokovyryalo important a finger in a nose, was lop-sided on me from under an abrupt forehead, malodovolno hemmed - hruknut, and … rejected all to May work. “Figures, such - syaky, I rysovat not those, from - for them the consumer insufficiently satisfied looks, from - for them growth of satisfaction of the consumer is badly traced!“. Fie, devil! It was necessary to do to me all over again. But, without being a fool now, I took an interest: “And kak - figures, are respected gaspadin the chief, daragy Igor Polikarpych, to put is necessary?“. “Everything needs to teach you, youth“ - dear Igor Polikarpych and, pokovyryav index fingers in a nose gave a grunt, dexterously a pencil outlined flourishes in columns of the questionnaire.

Every other day questionnaires were ready, and I, having stuffed lots of the spoiled paper in two recycle bins, dragged ready questionnaires to the chief. The chief hemmed enough, then cunning gave a grunt, and put the wide list on my cuneiform writing. I, having with relief sighed, filed a counterfeit in the daddy and pushed far away, in soul we weary one question “And How Many Give for a Fake of the Seals and Signatures?“.

Chapter 2: The high administration

meanwhile, works increased, we without work did not sit, we loved it, we looked for it. There was no it, we its to ourselves created, and then courageously, by the sweat of the brow, successfully carried out and exceeded. In what we are good fellows! That nobody dared to tell that we do nothing, we sponge and we goof off here, understand. I am itself long ago noticed. Is not present at office of the administration, you can to poshelestet also the magazine, and in game some on a computer to play, chat about any nonsense, even in buffet behind rolls some to drive. The administration appeared: a wheel, an eye eagle all threw a breast whether all pore by the sweat of the brow over the pieces of paper. If a look at you not painfully puzzled - anxious, the forehead which is insufficiently frowned the heap of pieces of paper on a table does not remind unapproachable Everest if you do not fuss on office with a type of the herring wounded in a bottom, do not talk became stupid by three phones at once, managing still to answer questions of the high administration, “And what you are engaged there in? “, if you do not ask different questions about business to all colleagues combined, starting up around yourself foolish circles of employment and zeal, the administration it the observation eye will notice, and it it, oh, how it does not like to suffer, and this your irresponsible behavior means one: you goof off, shirk work, idle with the last bit of strength, and then you are worthy all strict condemnation and censure. It, the high administration, pokovyryav important a finger in a nose, having tightened the trousers which slipped from a paunch and having collapsed before you in a leather chair, will not fail to convict sharp-sightedly you of your shameless parasitism and a lobotryasnichestvo, and will not regret the precious minutes so forty that you in every possible way to poporitsat and poosuzhdat, in every possible way preventing you to work as You as I understood later, should not object the high administration at all, otherwise the administration will become angry, will become angry and will fall apart, and then to you not to sdobrovat. It is allowed to justify itself, but only in the form of muffled baby talk, obscure mutter and a brainless lopotaniye. As they say, the subordinate has to have an appearance dashing and silly not to confuse the high administration with the understanding and understanding.

very much liked somebody to convict the High administration of something: in lie for example, either in sluggishness, or in a kruglodurachestvo, is shorter in all those sins which it is lazy suspected of himself. I, to the big surprise, found out that I am a pathological liar whom do not feed with black caviar - let`s povrat. At what, is frequent I and did not manage to open a mouth in the justification as everything was already clear to my perspicacious administration how day.

Other passion of the high administration was exposure of some sins in full view of all honest public. Having picked in a nose about half an hour and having a little grown cold to this fascinating occupation, and also having let for the high needs some “Gazelle“ with boards for a new door or “Minivan“ behind sausage and vodka on shops “on the left“, our high chief usually dropped in on us in office and began us ruthlessly to convict of something. For example, the poor economist Tatyana for several days in a row was vigilantly convicted that she bought for office needs the calculator with the jamming button and now productivity of department, owing to malfunction of office equipment half a year ago, strongly suffers from it. The head of department was convicted that yesterday, having asked for leave till 3 o`clock in policlinic, dared to be 4 5 minutes - go, even without having come and without having notified him, the high chief on the impudent delay. I was convicted few times that I in the mercenary interests dared to print out two leaves of news in German or, having been tired of an infinite gossip, to leave for ten minutes in library in the neighbourhood, previously without having notified where I and why I go. At what all this became accusatory tone with notes of the high superiority, in full view of others, drawing their attention to instructive execution.

Having towered thus in own eyes, and not having received any proportional resistance, and only the inarticulate indignant exclamations from the economist Tatyana, guilty it is coquettish - playful objections from the head of department, or my dribbling lopotaniye, our chief very happy with the person was removed in the office. Once I, however, reddening from own courage, had the nerve to declare to it that an only hour ago, it, also as well as I, unpacked for myself some nonsense about cars in the office then it, having indignantly breathed heavily, stopped for a second, then publicly convicted me of impudence and non-compliance with obligatory subordination. However, without being vindictive, repressions from the high administration in my address did not follow.

Other “cheerful“ moment for all office were minutes of a hangover, a heavy bodun, our dear chief when that, with the rumpled physiognomy and breath from which, appear, flowers on window sills inclined in a semi-unconscious curtsey was morning in our office and is externally cheerful, and is internally painful, joking and inertly clapping still osolovely eyes, demanded to tea, candies to tea, a chewing gum, to regret its poor, not to offer it to tea, not to bother it with any nonsense, to find new clients, to work more effectively and t. . He prevented all to work with the distracting chatter, got under feet, complained of all and everything, and, at last, unwillingly and with a mine sentenced to death through a long slow browning on the heated lattice, trudged in the cold office which served to it as a sobering-up station.

At everything at the same time it was the most talented zhuchary, the most bright cheat in the affairs and affairs whom nobody ever could “catch for a beard“. At it always the ready answer to any tricky question was had near at hand. For all occasions at it always were at themselves dexterous arguments and explanations. I often envied it as I was not able to advocate the interests as it he was able. To put it briefly, it was on the place, and this place heated it.

Chapter 3: Our Collective collective

consisted of four people, apart from me and the high chief who preferred to sit out at himself behind a wall. All were ladies with whom I, because of all pleasant for their female perception of a ladies` ugodnichyanye, entered into very pleasant labor relations. All of them were talkers, to which and the listener that was not painfully necessary, seem, they and in the field with a birch would get to talking. Their heads were clogged with stuff like dilemmas: ah, what it is such to prepare for dinner - meat to extinguish with vegetables or to make some salatik, or: what - such dress, either trousers, or, maybe, shoes to buy, where to go for the weekend - to the village, to parents, or on the dacha, or, at all, not to go, and to stay at home, or nevertheless to go. At them it was full of problems with which search of decisions they constantly dealt. They always, under a zavyazochka, were awfully busy. Their personal records were always hopelessly mixed with affairs office as manure with the earth. In a word their heads were empty as counterfeit Chinese porcelain vases - outside in different amusing curls and pretzels, it seems are even beautiful, and inside are empty and useless, are not suitable neither for milk, nor for oil unless to put in them some dry ikebana.

Ya to admit, because of a sporadic unemployment, vonikavshy by the way and inopportunely, from time to time toiled from causing opposite sense of guilt, inactions while my employees, women of “balzakovsky“ age, always found to themselves a great lot of occupations. They if did not print consignment notes and contracts, discussed deliveries by phone with clients, did not do “esteshka“ and “tsemeerka“, then discussed to blue in the face and furious insults to each other and those whom they discussed, the last series “Beauty is not happiness“, at the same time thumbing through magazines “Have a rest“ also “Kosmopolitan“, managing to notice also wrinkles on Valeria`s neck and curve teeth at Zhanna Friske, both what terrible Pugacheva and fat Philip Kirkorov, all this between soldier`s abuse to each other, Zhanna Friske, Pugachev and Kirkorov combined. They managed to drink

on five cups of coffee with chocolates, on three cups of tea with cookies and on two glasses of the cognac which remained from a yesterday`s lunch drinking bout, to have a snack all this business on the cutlets brought from the house with sourcrout, managed between times to run to buffet and to buy cakes and sunflower seeds, they managed to gnaw these sunflower seeds and between “gryzka“ to drive on the fifth floor and to try on the pink dress brought by the quality engineer Pupykina which got to it from mother by inheritance, but which in an excellent state, and all extremely makes look slender. They managed to discuss

any of their department and of all other departments combined, all who entered and left, and in breaks “picked to pieces“ each other. They knew who died and who was born though sometimes, appear, they learned these news before the dead and been born who whom divorced or on the contrary met. They knew that where how much.

They, stirring by phone with the girlfriends, here, already about half an hour could complain of how they are loaded as they are tired at work and as they are a little appreciated. Having near at hand three office phones and one office mobile phone, and managing to stir on all we rub at the same time, they still surely took with themselves personal “mobile phones“ and if, God forbid, someone from them left “mobile phone“ at home, they were “as without hands“ and toiled all day. In a word life in department boiled, work was not transferred, and all, thank God, were at business.

Is frequent, the irrepressible jabber and love to noise they irritated so me that I wanted to strangle them barehanded, and without anesthesia. I did not understand how it is possible to talk for hours there is nothing, “to wash up“ the friend the friend of a bone, to zlopykhat and prazdnoslovit. Their languages, probably, were all in callosities, they were their most hard-working body, always in business - if did not chew cutlet or sausage, then distributed to the right and on the left a great lots of caustic opinions - truth. Having grown dumb by some miracle per day, I think, they would lose meaning of life and by all means would die as some animal perishes, having lost the most important body as though the deer lost legs, a bird wings, fish fins.

Only of these irrepressible furies though how many - that to me on character and on spirit, our lawyer, Valeria Andreevna was close, the lady is happy strict and even unsociable if to consider her persistent unwillingness to participate in various festive and not only “skhodnyaka“ which were arranged nearly an every week and in which any, refusing to participate in them, it is shameful zakleymlyalsya as an element strange and alien to our nice working collective. Valeria Andreevna had

an obvious physical defect, she strongly dropped - limped on the right leg, however it did not prevent it to make daily, several times, long sorties in various corners of our six-storied plant and long there to remain if only only not to take part in our noisy drinking bouts. On my memory it only two times, not Bol, awarded us with the gloomy attention, and after ceased to appear among us at all in such hours of pleasure, whether it be someone`s birthday or New Year`s celebrations. However, it persistently continued to bring the sums accepted for obligatory delivery concerning days of births, weddings and a funeral in the general copper that, however did not prevent our boastful gorgona to wear in every possible way it for eyes at all.

It was the person of a straight line who is not trying to please anybody in anything who called things by their proper names. Fools she called fools, rascals rascals, hypocrites hypocrites. She, however, imposed the rigid opinion to nobody, and called things by the real names when it about it was asked or compelled. It was basic, unshakable and strict to itself and others.

She was very clever and widely-read person, always having own opinion on any question, and to me was very pleasantly, despite a heavy look of her fixed steel eyes, in the mornings, within 15 - 20 minutes, all others did not gather yet, to communicate with it on different subjects.

In a word if I also had to be guided by someone`s opinion and to listen to somebody for definition of an own position on any question, then it would be Valeria Andreevna.

In own way I became attached to each of them and though in soul, and often and aloud laughed at their superficiality and a pustyshestvo, in my heart each of them occupied the small town.

Often I envied them, their easy life where everything was reduced to what to eat and what to put on, to hot discussions of series of favourite and careless series watched yesterday over which it was not necessary to think I envied their ease of communication, they did not think of that as how to speak, they did not torment themselves with the questions “be or not be“ and “what to do“, their life was simple and clear as life of an ant who precisely knows as when to do to it.

They not bad knew the business and were able to handle public which came to us: self-confident individual entrepreneurs, simple and often confused truck drivers, rather impudent chiefs of departments and pompous directors of the enterprises, all that public which should be able have to shown off, the nobility as how to tell and about what it is crafty to hold back. I helped them, they helped me, and both parties remained, still long time, are quite happy with such symbiosis.

Chapter 4:

(of which I am convinced that stupidity always almost always goes hand in hand with rudeness and that for the fool the fool always somebody another, usually the one who though it is a little cleverer, but never he)

At the crack of dawn, nearly behind a window began to dawn dawn and to workplaces was unwillingly brought up sleepy physiognomies of my colleagues, the director of the enterprise, Great and Awful Vladimir Sergeyevich called an extraordinary planning meeting on which he long and garrulously explained something to silent chiefs of departments, services and other peripheral heads. Hour through three, exhausted, humiliated and angry, chiefs returned to the subordinates, and were accepted, by means of a whip, but not gingerbread, to explain the reasons of discontent of the high administration.

In our department all my colleagues, in turn, were caused to Igor Polikarpychu then suddenly began to run as the herrings stung in a bottom, showing very clearly guilty diligence and silent disappointment with this unfair world. Some, however, tried to unburden the wounded heart in the form of separate and low-distinct remarks, but the chief should have left angry in a huff of the office as those right there stopped, showing all the sad look bible humility and humility to destiny.

Called also your obedient servant. Dear Igor Polikarpych frowningly rotated small, comfortably sitting in fat folds, eyes, habitually, on - whether philosophically checked a forefinger everything as it should be at it in a nose, inflated both cheeks for importance, and, strictly and discontentedly looking at the little subordinate facing it, began the doleful tirade. He long told something about my shocking sloppiness, unwillingness to participate in necessary thought processes of collective for increase in sales level, declaring that only thanks to it, all my colleagues were not dismissed yet, and the department was not driven in pine boards as superfluous, then, apparently having realized that it found not the best listener of his so ardent eloquence in my person and that to it not to wait for an applause, - and in general, will be enough to throw beads before irresponsible marketing specialists, - he selflessly hiccupped yesterday`s Moldavian cognac, took the cooled-down tea from a glass, deeply inhaled, blew out cheeks - bags as a male of a warty earth toad during the marriage period, and, at last, passed to business:

- Well, the director flogs a fever with some there letter from the center concerning participation in tenders and obligatory purchases of water-measuring accessories, &ndash now; I not absolutely understood, XXX knows it, some Hkhkhney instead of to preventing to work, ikkk … &ndash is engaged; yesterday`s Moldavian cognac with the Moldavian persistence asked on will, but Igor Polikarpych courageously got it together, and cognac remained where had to be, - well, will be enough to smoke a bamboo, Kuznetsov, write letters, letters to chairmen of oblispokom and chiefs of regional housing and communal services, and, having referred to this letter, oblige them to buy our water-measuring equipment, ikkk …. Understood? You will write - you will bring to show, and today it is necessary to dispatch them. Go“.

Ya hasty fell out of the freezer which, apparently, nevertheless allowed Igor Polikarpychu not to allow to stiffen absolutely to his gray substance which it so generously fertilized yesterday the Moldavian cognac mixed up with the Russian vodka, and with a type of the poor fellow sentenced to a life sentence, trudged to the workplace. Six regional executive committees plus six housing and communal services, total twelve letters, each of which has to be written by stilted epistolary style with a raid of a florid pomposity, “to pour water“ as Igor Polikarpych used to say, and each of which has to be signed at Great and Awful, is registered and sent by eternally busy fax, - I thought that better I would be sentenced to the highest measure, and right there, on the place, shot. I began to compose prose for big chiefs.

At the beginning went the long introduction concerning it - resolutions of the president on so and so, at number such - from it - numbers, not less long mention of the letter and all importance of response to this letter then I stumbled followed further and stiffened in a dozing literary stupor. How to me, the little marketing specialist “to persuade“ the big chief of housing and communal services of area to buy our personal belongings? Where to find such words? How to awaken passionate desire to buy our cranes and filters in its heart, stale to any requests and entreaties? …

Behind a window were chirped by birdies, the sun tenderly shone. There was a wish to throw out all this demagogy in a recycle bin and to go to drink beer. But, the incredible tension of will power, I overcame myself, and, having crossed through the low desires, returned to affairs public and more sublime.

In an hour, having finished, I, having found out phones of the organizations necessary to me in the reference book, began to ring round each of them to learn names, appearances, addresses. The first in line the little marketing specialist had a chairman of our regional executive committee. At last having phoned, I it is polite, trying to speak accurately and friendly, having explained who I am and from where, asked to tell the name, a middle name and a surname of the chairman. I was answered by rather impudent man`s voice which, I felt, got used to rule. “Excuse to me it is necessary to learn a name, a middle name and a surname of the chairman of regional executive committee“ - vigorously I rapped out. “Whom?“ - the voice on that side, appear, not of a wire, but life growled. “Chairman, be so kind as“ - I vigorously and joyfully answered. “You what, absolutely perhaps there was okhrenet?“ - a bell the bass, &ndash hooted; “You do not know a name of the chairman of the regional executive committee?“. I, really, did not know a name of the chairman of “the regional executive committee“. It became terribly a shame to me as if I forgot about birthday of mother. “Ý - ý - e, it is necessary for me …“ - I zamyamlit. “Call the surname and from where you!“ - the bass began to roar. Suddenly, all this angered me. Blood rushed to the head, and I firmly barked in a tube: “And why, actually, I am obliged to know? Earlier I never had to address to regional executive committee, and now I need to know! What address at you?“. Eventually, a voice, having made a pause, tiresomely stretched the address and called the chairman. I lowered a tube. Heart without restraint beat. To me it became angry and sad. “That for the people! Years passed, the power exchanged, and in big offices there were the same “servants of the people“. To me the joke how the person in the Ministry of Culture calls was remembered and asks: “Hallo! It is a laundry?“. And to it: “. uyachechny! This Ministry of Culture!“. Sadly, misters.

To other addresses incident did not repeat, but everywhere I was answered unfriendly and roughly, except one reception of some housing and communal services where a friendly maiden voice joyfully and without usual inquiry “And why to you it?“ just proshchebetat to me and that, and another. About himself with all the heart thanked “birdie“, and, having finished, dragged the literary masterpieces in prose to Igor Polikarpychu.

of the Chief did not appear on the place. In a reception I was told that from the director it left, minutes so … to dtsat back, the department of supply told that was, but left, in labor union, hiding the remains of sausage and rattling a bottle, hinted that just was, but already left … I returned to myself. “Loss“ sat at my table. On all his big body the patience and understanding to everyone and everything spread now. Yesterday`s cognac did not torment him any more.

“You where wander?“ - “tenderly Igor Polikarpych took an interest. “I …“. “Why you do not speak where you go?. Wrote letters?“. “Here, read“ - I stretched a pile of gladenky pieces of paper. “Why you translate paper? Why not on draft copies?“ - tenderly Igor Polikarpych bellowed.

Ya was always surprised to ability of chiefs to be all the time something dissatisfied. Whether paper, ink on this paper, or, appear, even the existence in this world, I could never satisfy them. I always disappointed them with something. They found of me such quantity of faults that earlier, at the beginning of the youth, I was ready to kill myself if only to see a happy smile on chubby lips of the chief.

in process of reading on a well-fad face it game of light and shade happened. Light the shadow, and a shadow replaced light, and then again light replaced a shadow, and a shadow … At last, having sworn, and fatly having given a grunt, he waved with a pile of pieces of paper over the head and declared: “You that illiterate? You do not understand to whom you write? Olga Ivanovna, you where looked?“ - he addressed the head of department of sale. “Yes I in general at anything“ - without reflecting, Olga Ivanovna shot. “Olga Ivanovna, as your subordinates even competently in Russian cannot write, write you. Through … to dtsat minutes I wait for you with Kuznetsov at myself“.

Olga Ivanovna began to be indignant long and garrulously, but minutes through twenty nevertheless took seat for my cuneiform writing. Having deleted, appear, proyetsnt ninety all with such work written by me, she stretched an izvazyukanny leaf to me, and I diligent (as already got used to suppress in itself author`s vanity) began to remake this Magna Charta, the Great Address to Chairmen and Chiefs.

In ten minutes we stood at attention before, on an innocent habit picked a nose, Igor Polikarpychem who fluently read our distressful epistolary work. On his face light and shadows which finally were replaced by bossy anger played again. “You what, Olga Ivanovna, drew here? Here and here. And here. It in any gate!“. Lyrical verses in prose for chairmen and Olga Ivanovna`s chiefs were comprehended by the same regrettable fate, as my pathos masterpiece. The reader`s court, in the person of Igor Polikarpycha, sentenced them to burning. Amen.

“Idit from here!“ - dear Igor Polikarpych cried out. “I will make everything! Nothing without me you can!“. In half an hour it brought the scrawled and crumpled leaf, and forced to print all over again, having given me three minutes. Having rattled away this ardent Appeal to Chairmen and Chiefs, I almost joyfully flew to it in an office. The furious grief gave way to a nutryany ironic snicker “Drag, writers“ - I was completely given to a fine feeling of the chief. Having drawn eight drunk circles in the bottom of each address which were called as the signature, he murmured: “Carry them for the signature to the director“.

Ya jumped out their freezer and went towards an office with the inscription “Reception on Private Matters at Any Time“. Before a door I faced with the director: “Well, writers, wrote?“ “Wrote, Vladimir Sergeyevich“ - I stretched it twelve leaflets, white in a black speck. “So“ - the director smiled enough, it is visible already rubbing hands from future profits. But, exactly in a minute the joyful luminescence on his big reddened face was replaced by a gloomy cloud of anger and rage. He raised the head and with almost animal grin looked at me. “Your chief on shoulders has a head or not?“ - he took an interest. I shrugged shoulders. “From where to me, little marketing specialist, nobility, and?“. the Director grabbed with

letters and went to a door: Let`s “go“. Having left an office, and velev to me to wait outside, it entered to the chief engineer. In ten minutes, having left, and having faced Inna Mikhaelovna, the trade-union chief, he, with a wild grimace having stuck with it pieces of paper into the dumbfounded physiognomy, began to roar: “Saw? Well, whether fool? The deputy director signs the documents addressed to chairmen of regional executive committees! And what wrote?! No horse-radish thinks!“. Inna Mikhaelovna, having hardly come round from a sudden management pressure, pulled the fawning ulybochka on the person, waved handles and zaprichitat: “Ouch - yay - yay, the fool, Vladimir Sergeyevich, the real fool“. But the director did not hear it. It already rushed further to share the high indignation with somebody else. Having left from the chief technologist, it dragged me to Igor Polikarpychu and, velev to wait behind a door, flew inside. Having waited for

ten minutes, it became boring for me, and I returned back to department. “Well that? Signed?“ - Olga Ivanovna was curious. “The director at Igor Polikarpycha. He is indignant that that put the signature“. “Yes you that!“ - It became obviously interesting to Olga Ivanovna.

In twenty minutes Igor Polikarpych summoned both of us. It was visible that if more than an hour ago he suffered from yesterday`s excessive libations in the pleasant company, then after visit of the director the last vapors of Moldavian cognac forever left it. He, with a smile of the hungry cannibal of the islands of Kiribati, spitefully glanced at us. The long pause without the movement, without habitual kovyryaniye in a nose, an eructation and pulling up of the slipping trousers, spoke about his extreme displeasure. “That did the director tell

to you?“ - Igor Polikarpych gave a grunt in my party. “Told that the signature you had no right to put and wrote, most likely, not that he wanted“. Igor Polikarpych bloodthirstily rotated eyes. He was obviously out for blood. “What did you write a lot there, Olga Ivanovna?“ - bloodletting began. “Anything! What you wrote, and we, Igor Polikarpych!“ - Olga Ivanovna was protected as a wild panther. She did not want to be eaten by the blood-thirsty cannibal at all. here is no U-00AB, you finished something there and, probably, all not so understood and not all changed as I told!“ - Igor Polikarpychu extremely needed a whipping boy. “You wrote the letter, and you signed, Igor Polikarpych!“ - Olga Ivanovna the role of a goat, or rather obviously did not arrange a goat, remission. “And the director told that you should not have signed …“ - Olga Ivanovna argued obviously apolitically. “I made everything correctly! It you! …“ - cried out as the port loader, Igor Polikarpych. “And I made everything correctly!“ - Olga Ivanovna did not sustain. “You …!“. “No, you! …“. In myself I rode from laughter on a floor, holding tummies. And absolutely in vain, because to sneer at the administration, let internally, about itself, all the same it is impossible. to

of Hour through two, distributing newly the edited and signed appeals to chairmen and chiefs by fax, on me, on purpose nevertheless to be sated up to the end, snatched, incidentally come into our department, Igor Polikarpych. He glanced whether over a cup of tea, whether behind what important, but, having seen me with a pack of pieces of paper who was double up at the fax, to a descent snatched: “Smiths, what you do there?“. “In regional executive committees …“ - To Igor Polikarpychu, actually, at all it was uninteresting that I did there. And I understood it. It needed to break, fly from coils on somebody to feel again the chief, big and important. “What the hell you cost

there! You spend time instead of giving all to the secretary! What horse-radish! I to you! f! ck!!! I you! d! mn!!! f1x!!!!!“. The administration tore and threw. Splashes of blood and pieces of flesh flew extensively, splashing themselves with obvious interest innocently looking from colleagues. The tasteless marketing specialist cachectic at all was sacrificed. What to do, se la vi …