Rus Articles Journal

As I got rid of disorder of food

Till 16 years I was an ordinary teenager, ate delicacies and did not worry about the weight. I was not thick, and will not even call me full. I was an ordinary, average girl.

I do not remember at all when everything went not so. Abundance of pictures with harmonous, sometimes even thin girls in publics began to influence me. Where look, all grow thin. All aspire to an ideal. And than I am worse? I am not ideal, means has to become such.

Everything, it became the last point. I did not like my reflection in a mirror any more, I could not enjoy favourite cakes and chocolate any more. Now I had to itself forbid. To limit itself in food, to play sports to exhaustion. I had to grow thin.

All my 2 years of weight loss now I can call three circles of hell. 1 - 2 days I ate in the small portions and is frequent, I ate only what was useful for my organism, I lost flesh and was proud of myself. But for 3 - 4 day there came failure, and I swept away everything that was in the house. I gorged on to belly-ache, to nausea. Then I caused vomiting and sobbed. But promised herself that it will nevermore repeat that tomorrow I will get it together again. For tomorrow I really kept to the diet, but the mood at me was no place more nasty, all the progress, let and two-day, I killed, I even gained excess hundreds of grams from - for failures. And here again I kept several days, and again there came failure. And so for two years. My life turned into a pursuit of a foolish ideal, I considered every day calories, and then gorged on and sobbed. All these years I stayed in awful mood. I was simply obsessed and mad. I managed to gain the minimum weight in 45 kg, but I was flat-out, I ate a little and exhausted myself with trainings. Then gathered again. I did not give up, but the result was only for couple of days. My hatred to itself grew every day.

I was not thick, I was harmonous, but I saw in a mirror only the fat woman. I did not accept the body. I hesitated of it, I could not wear leggings, it seemed to me that I have fat Poles. I looked every day at the legs, they grew thin or not. On hundred times per day looked at the stomach whether it grew stout? Whether grew thin? It was not life, it was fight with by itself.

And here I got acquainted with the guy. We began to communicate well, and even business reached the relations. Mimoletom it told me that it likes figuristy girls what I also was at that time. After a while, everything occurred by itself, I ceased to consider calories when I walked I ate pizza and ice cream with it, we ate candies and chocolate. All notions of compulsion concerning food began to leave my head gradually. In few months my body began to be pleasant to me, I began to eat everything that I wanted. Certainly, I did not throw training, but I ceased to forbid myself, and ceased to break. I did not want to be thin any more. Photos of thin girls which were for me an ideal earlier began to frighten me. My thoughts changed, I fell in love with the body. I recovered. These circles of hell for me ended, and I hope that forever.