Sympathy and support. Why nobody tells anything to you? I often should hearfrom friends and acquaintances of complaint about relatives: a pier, here he / she shares nothing with me, tells nothing to me, and I and so, and syak... I reflected why many prefer not to speak with the family about the problems, and among other causes, allocated one which seemed to me important. Very often such reserve - not excess of pride, not fear to afflict you, and even not carelessness on your opinion. This banal desire to live quietly and to quietly solve the problems. the Huge number of people elementary is not able to listen to
, delicately to sympathize and support in a grief. It seems to you that you “and so, and syak“, and actually from such compassion sometimes there is a wish to be locked in the dark cellar. Here the person will share the problem, and right there the avalanche of “cackle“ falls upon him: oh and as it and that now, where you now, the poor thing, a sirotinushka, a grief - that what etc. Personally I did not meet yet the person at whom the desire to be uttered and have a good cry under others plaints and lamentations would wake up.
If everything is limited only to it is still half-troubles. Trouble, if all neighbors, colleagues, friends, familiar, half-familiar and unfamiliar know about especially personal problems the next day. And you will make it for the best too - to tell all, perhaps, who as will advise, it is necessary to help, as it there now, the poor thing... And to the whole world of his cares, certainly, nobody asked a consent of the person to disclosure.
My former chief told me such story. Somehow time - it were dashing 90 - e years - covered their plant “on reorganization“. All turned cunning - dismissed all, the enterprise renamed also all back in a week and accepted. Business during that time usual. And so, managed him to blab out to the grandmother at home that supposedly they with the wife were dismissed, and then will accept back... Then they with the wife were surprised from what all relatives with a question were moved to call them whether there was a court and as they got out. Everything appeared simply - the grandmother rang round all whom she could:
- And mine - mine - from work of a poperla! Yes as for what, for profanation! And as week sentence will be served, so, maybe, and will accept back! To do - the fact that now, help!
In a word, that reorganization that profanation that electrification of all country...
Well, all right, it is possible to forgive a lot of things to the grandmother for whom the grandson - for the rest of life the child unreasonable, and owing to the life experience and age she does not wait from life of good news any more. And here when, it seems, and sympathy, but it passes into reproaches and quarrels, here it is already difficult to write off for old man ideas of the world. In how many families, for example, when the child gets sick, even without temperature, war begins harmless cold:
- You chilled it! You did not dress it! You overlooked! - etc.
I in an hour - calls from all aunts, detny girlfriends and other well-wishers:
- And the grass was made? So make what you wait for! And droplets bought? And dug? Zakapayte quickly, to you only time to lose! And boots warm put on? Yes you want to send it to reanimation, perhaps?
You calmed someone this hysterics? At once it became better for the child? You were thanked?
And if with health of the child, God forbid, everything is serious, then direct charges and searches of the main guilty person - the fad of many “support groups“. Was tired / was tired? Hard? And earlier it was necessary to think, still when spoke, warned, now from whom to ask, time are guilty, keep mum.
I am silent about some family quarrels, and even divorce. There is a need for the most unflattering expressions to discuss who, as to whom has to now? To state everything that you think of this union? To extend from without that the overdriven people fresh details: and you that? and it that? and you to it? and it to you? and you tell!. and it let!. It is no wonder that many, having undergone divorce procedure, become reserved and are fenced off from all - especially, from those who all this time were near...
It turns out, on the one hand - as so, I want to help, it is better to support with all the heart, and with another - than with such crutches, on all fours. On the one hand - I here with my vest, let the person will have a good cry, will become easier him, and with another - better silently to cry, than to start someone else`s excavator when there already everything is rummaged in soul.
Other extreme in relation to someone else`s complaints is to depreciate them, to reduce to the trifle level, and the complainant - to the level of the idiot worrying from scratch.
- Yes hammer you! All this a hogwash, and you worry! Give better... (further the offer to drink, go at the sea, to find the lover(mistress), to change a hairdress and still a heap of useful tips follows).
Of course, all nonsense, trifle! Same at it nonsense, but not at me! I here have yes, at me a serious drama, and at it - the trifle which is not costing attention as it is simple! Others, it and to be ill - that cannot really!
I do not argue, remarkably if you the person capable to see a problem from a different angle, and even to force to laugh at it and in such a way to weaken its force and to find the right decision. But when over and over again from all foreign cares you wave away a lung “yes hammer you“, from you will - bondage will move away and look for supports in other place.
Generally if it seems to you that relatives do not share with you the sorrows, reflect - why? It is correct to maintain ability is an art which it is necessary to comprehend long and painfully, and the principle “do not do much harm!“ here also works at full capacity.
If you react to problems of the family and friends one of the described ways - be not surprised that another time people will try to keep you in blissful dark concerning the troubles. They love you, very much love - only for something else.
But here in the mountain, it is sorry, better as - nibud without you...