How are Bulgakov`s heroes? In the wake of Voland and To. Part 2
- I Obey and will obey, - the cat the Hippopotamus made a threefold somersault again - to the mortala. - The chief of condominium of the house number 9 on Novotulskaya Street Ivan Fedorovich Skvalyzhny is invited to a scene.
To the room, shy looking around, the little bald person of years 45 without special signs entered.
- Ivan Fedorovich brought us the plan of a political reorganization of society and looks for your support, Messir, - the Hippopotamus solemnly declared.
- And what, at Ivan Fedorovich in condominium already all problems are solved? - Voland was surprised. - Both pipes do not flow, and the roof is repaired, and the elevator works?
- I, actually, not to an occasion of the condominium came, - a low voice Skvalyzhny said. - At us roofs are really higher than problems, but I lately attended to problems of the state reorganization. So to speak, on a global scale. I have to you only three requests.
- So and at once three? I have on reception people much more significant, than you, did not dare to ask more than once. Well, I do not know, I do not know. - Voland knocked with fingers on a chair armrest. - However, well. I am ready to give three minutes. On one minute on a request. And insistently I advise you to keep within the allowed time.
- Me will be it quite enough, - Ivan Fedorovich agreed. - Request the first. I consist in party which differently as the party of crooks and thieves is not called recently. And it very much and very offensively. Here I the post work twenty years only for one salary, and even kopek never stole any.
The cat grabbed a stomach and slipped under a table. From there was heard:
- Here an umor. The honest chief of ZhEK appeared. It is all the same that teetotal Azazello. Or Abadonna helping grandmothers crossing the road.
Skvalyzhny sensitively glanced under a table, but did not begin to argue with the Hippopotamus and continued:
- the Essence of my request is as follows: let us be called party of honest and decent people.
- Forgive me for importunity: you want to be called honest and decent or to become them? However, this question not in my competence, it is rather for the Hippopotamus. The request is rejected.
- I, by the way, too in this party registered, - the voice from - under a table was heard. - And personally this nickname well does not confuse me at all. Here … - the Cat got out outside and sat down on a stool. - Here, I can show - the certificate. The member of executive committee across the Saratov region.
- And how you got to these swindlers? - Voland took an interest. - Showed focus how to make money from air?
- Well, they and without me well are able to do it. I to them gave a valuable advice.
- And what, allow to be curious? To expand Moscow three times?
The cat modestly looked down.
- you Will desire to joke, Messir. I to them advised to rename all the werewolves in shoulder straps. Well what their back would be not so obviously visible. And canines will show that - and let`s ransack across Moscow, food from guest workers to look for yes my girlfriends on the panel to shake.
- Surprisingly, but fact. The werewolf renames werewolves, - Voland was surprised. - However, we distracted. Let`s listen to the second request of the citizen - the chief of condominium.
Ivan Fedorovich Skvalyzhny cleared the throat and began to state the second request:
- You see I work the chairman of election commission part-time. Also I observe total absence of a right choice at voters. It is necessary to correct them, um …, behavior all the time. Whether it is impossible to make so that on their elections was not at all. Only disturb - are pushed, call different bad words.
- Who was not?
- Well, these most, voters.
- I not really understand your passage, - Voland with irritation told. - Elections without voter - all the same that fish soup without fish.
- So all the same, mister Voland, they solve nothing. Here we have a President, let him also solve.
- But then rises a question of the choice of the president!
- And here in it an essence of my third request. Make me, mister Voland, the President of the Russian Federation, - a low and insinuating voice asked Ivan Fedorovich. - To me so bothered to work as the house manager! And I will cope, I am capable. You can, all of you can, I know.
The cat slipped under a table again. From there only reached: ooh, ooh, ooh.
But Voland remained is serious:
- Yes, it is necessary to recognize that a request your unusual. From the chief of condominium - at once in presidents. Even Kaligula`s horse could envy such career.
- And what here it? Here at us one mechanic became a governor at once. Work, almost same. To put the clamps more feasibly.
- Who knows, as the nobility … However, I will be able to help you. Azazello!
The mirror hanging over a fireplace suddenly dimmed, and the demon of the desert right there jumped out of it.
- I Listen to you, Messir.
- Azazello, be kind, prepare the decree on appointment of the citizen Skvalyzhny to the Russian President`s position.
- For whose the decree, Messir will be the signature?
- Behind yours, Azazello, behind yours. To me somehow not from a hand to sign such important papers.
- I obey, Messir. - Azazello put a hand in a fireplace, got a leaf of a stamped paper from there and began to read loudly and solemnly the text. - Decree. To appoint the chief of condominium of the house number 9 on Novotulskaya Street Ivan Fedorovich Skvalyzhny Prezidentom of the Russian Federation from now on. Signature: IO of Voland Azazello.
The cat under a table already rolled and howled we howl:
- What here to waste time on trifles, give not Ivan, but Ioann at once.
- Agrees. I correct. - Azazello corrected a name in the decree and solemnly handed paper to Skvalyzhny.
That stood and perplexed smiled.
- And where now to me with it?
- And directly to the Kremlin. Through Borovitsky gate.
- And if not to pass me? - plaintively Ivan - Ioann Fedorovich asked.
- Well then you come once again, we will think up something, - Voland interfered with the played farce. - Azazello, see off the guest. Also it is time, it is time to have dinner. Break.