How to talk to children?
Technical revolution and high extent of employment by work do not leave us an opportunity to give sufficient attention to full development of children. Computers, TVs, prefixes, tablets and many other things replace and even take away parents and the child each other. How presently to raise children?
Socially - psychological development of the child happens continuously, every year his childhood. During all this time it acquires social experience, values and installations. It is very important to remember that in the childhood there is a formation of mental processes, development of intellectual opportunities and social formation.
And what personality will be your child, completely depends on you and his environment. The child accepts those norms and values which prevail in your family, and in the subsequent processes them, changes and adapts for the specific features and the vital purposes.
But, except all-round development of the child, you have to remember that communication between you is a cornerstone of interaction of the child with you and the world. As in our dynamic time parents give to time to the children too little, let these remains of attention will be at least qualitative.
So what busy parents need to know? In - the first, communication is reduced not only to verbal, but also nonverbal contact. The mimicry, gestures, poses, tactile contact concern to them. It is important to consider them at interaction as already at small age children distinguish this language of communication.
There are several councils.
1. Most important and one of fundamental human wants - need for love , in necessity to another. Its satisfaction - a necessary condition for normal development of the child. This requirement is satisfied when you tell the child that he to you is expensive, necessary, important that it is just good. Not that it clever, beautiful, quiet, the excellent student, the assistant and so on, and just like that, just for the fact that it is.
Such messages contain in friendly views, tender touches, direct phrases:
- “As is good that you at me are“.
- “As is good that you at us were born“.
- “I am glad you to see“.
- “You are pleasant to me …“
- “Me well when we together …“
Even if at you cannot be told these words, you should not forget about tactile contact. It is necessary to embrace the child several times a day. Four embraces are absolutely necessary for everyone just for survival , and the good health requires not less than eight embraces a day! And, between other, not only to the child, but also the adult. Agree that if you were embraced and told the tender word just like that, at you the mood is lightened at once and energy for fulfillments appears.
2. psychological support of parents is Not less important . It is one of the major factors capable to improve relationship with the child, to raise or strengthen his self-assessment. At a shortcoming or lack of the corresponding support the child feels disappointment and is inclined to various offenses.
To learn to support the child, to parents, perhaps, it is necessary to change habitual style of communication and interaction with it. Support is based on belief in born ability of the personality to overcome vital difficulties with assistance of those whom she considers significant for herself. To express support, it is necessary:
- to rely on strengths of the child;
- to avoid underlining of its misses;
- to show that you are happy with behavior the child;
- to help to break big tasks on smaller, such with which it can cope;
- to bring humour in relationship with the child;
- to allow the child most to solve problems where it is possible;
- to show optimism;
- to avoid disciplinary encouragement and punishments.
It is possible to support by means of:
- separate words (“beautifully“, “accurately“, “perfectly“, “fine“, “forward“);
- statements (“I am proud of you“, “it is pleasant to me how you work“, “it is really progress“, “I am glad, your help“, “thanks“, “well, I thank you“, “I am glad that you participated in it“, “I am glad that you tried to make it though everything turned out at all not as you expected“, “knowing you, I is sure that you will make everything well“);
- touches (to pat shoulder, to touch a hand, softly to raise the child`s chin, to bring closer the person to his face, to embrace him);
- joint actions, physical partnership (to sit, stand nearby, softly messages it, to play with it, to listen to it, is together with it).
3. What it is not necessary to tell to the child :
- “If you are good, then I will love you“.
- “Do not wait from me good, you will not cease yet …, you will not begin …“
- “Knowing you and your abilities, I think, you could make it much better“.
- “It for you is too difficult therefore I will make it“.
- “Do as it is told, differently …“
- “And I warned!!“
- “For what from you to wait?“
- “From you will turn out nothing“.
- “I know that it is necessary for you“.
- “You are still small to do that there is a wish“.
- “I in your years …“
- “You always (or the same never is you) …“
B of some of these phrases directly tell the child that it is accepted conditionally that it is loved (or will love) only “if...“. The conditional, estimated attitude towards the person in general is characteristic of our culture. And therefore it is necessary to avoid such phrases. Other phrases literally humiliate the child as the personality. Suppress motivation, and sometimes and will.
Manifestation of your own feelings and emotions is not less important. Do not hide the weaknesses, mistakes and failures. Many parents are mistaken, considering that they have to set an ideal example to the child. You should not do it, otherwise the child will not learn sympathy, partnership. Will not learn to overcome vital difficulties on your example.
Also you should not hide negative emotions in relation to the child when you become angry. However the it is worth showing discontent not with the child in general, and his separate actions. It is possible to condemn actions of the child, but not his feeling whatever undesirable or inadmissible they were. Time they at it arose, so for this purpose there are bases. The discontent with actions of the child should not be systematic, otherwise it will develop into his rejection.
There are several simple councils which will help to correct the relations according to way of your family and specific features of the child.