Fear before - future … or … unexpected happiness in 40 years!
In my life everything went measuredly. Career went uphill. Began to work on own book. Profoundly was engaged in studying and practice in the field of Eniologiya since the practician Psikhologa was big. Counterbalanced a state of mind so that anything and nobody could unsettle me.
I wanted to begin writing of the firstborn with ideas in the field of these sciences. Since they help people to become better. And at this particular time, mine the daughter with the son-in-law wanted to conceive the child. Too firstborn. Everyone had the purpose in one and too time. After talk on the plans for the near future, there passed two weeks. The daughter became pregnant. There was so many pleasure! Not to express in words.
And in three weeks, I unexpectedly learn that also I became pregnant …
As if a bolt from the blue, there were two strips on the test. And here, rushed …
the Condition of a knockout
Ya did not trust own eyes. While the daughter, joyfully smiling, with words, “I CONGRATULATE MUMMY, YOU are PREGNANT!“, did not force to believe me in this state.
To tell that I was shocked, it means, to tell nothing. I already had at that time two daughters. Senior 20, younger 10 years. And this pregnancy happened also, in 10 years after the younger daughter.
There is my self-confidence, not only reeled, it just turned out a complete fiasco in an emptiness chasm.
I was confident that “it“ cannot happen to me. We waited for grandsons.
In my soul the agony began. I did not sleep at the nights, every night half-asleep mentally climbed in the uterus and cleaned a germ. Cried in the afternoon. Lifted heavy. Sat for hours in a hot bathtub. Created IT!!!
Wanted that there was a spontaneous abortion. Knowing that abortions cannot be done categorically.
And in a week when I strongly tormented the nerves, the dream dreamed me.
Spirit of the child
Ya approached in a dream the baby. It was such beautiful! Smiled to me, moving on infantile handles. The baby so strongly was pleasant to me that I took his handle, with thoughts, “what you are pretty!“.
In reply through thought, I heard his words, “And you wanted from me to get rid“.
When I woke up, I had a strong hysterics. I wanted that everything occurred by itself that “The spirit of the child“ left to other parents since I am not ready to accept it.
Though was afraid to admit to herself that I VERY MUCH wanted to leave it. But fear, before the future, and my age, haunted me.
The most difficult moment of my experiences me was called on by my friend who works as the midwife in maternity hospital. Having listened to me being silent, she told me:- YOU are a FULL SILLY WOMAN! YOU HOW MANY WOMEN DREAM OF IT WOULD KNOW! And TEBE PRIVALILO SUCH HAPPINESS, And YOU was FRIGHTENED of IT …
After long thoughts, I began to calm down. The oldest daughter abused me and took offense, knowing that I created with myself and a germ.
She repeated all the time that she always in the childhood knew, about future birth of the brother. But I did not hear it. My dear girl fought with me for his life! As strongly I love it! Also she is madly grateful for her infinite talk with me.
Younger did not understand all events. But on my question, - whether to leave the brother?, she thoughtfully answered, - it is necessary to share with it the room …)))
Understanding and forgiveness
After acceptance of a final decision, I began to feel huge happiness, understanding that spirit of the little man which to me came, on so much strong. So wants to live, and so strongly loves me that chose me in mother.
I with tears in the eyes and with huge sense of guilt, began to ask from it forgiveness for the cowardice. Mentally talked to it much, explained the weakness before difficulties. The fear of the future. Before people who me, do not even feed and do not contain, imparted, me since the childhood …
After long conversations and forgiveness, I felt rest in soul, and huge love to my baby. Huge gratitude to my friend - the midwife, to my children for support, and of course to my kid who was afraid to disturb me during all pregnancy.
All 9 months I passed not just well, and it is very good! The doctor observing me was surprised that at “such“ age at me pressure 120 on 80, all analyses excellent.
The requirement to study began to feel the spiritual growth
Ya. Subscribed for the course “Way of Good“, wrote out to herself any books on writing of books and scenarios. Felt wings behind the back. I wanted to create!
Rethought the fears. Realized mistakes. I with ecstasy went forward. Enjoying pregnancy, anticipating that we will meet my little and beloved sonny soon.
You ask why I write nothing about the husband? Yes because he first too very much was frightened since he at that time was 48 years old. He was frightened of the fact that he will not lift the child, too heavy responsibility!
But when ultrasonography confirmed a synula floor, the husband was in the 7th sky with happiness))). He very much wanted the son!
A happy meeting
In the last month I drove pregnancies days. I could not wait to meet my kid. Though it was VERY terrible to endure childbirth for the third time. Especially as the child was large.
In three weeks prior to my birth synut, at me was born charming, small, pretty - the granddaughter Yasna. It was just the delight!
The following childbirth was mine!
U me was born the robust fellow!!! At all pain which happen at childbirth, especially large children I was happy on so many as far as I could not imagine.
I thanked ALL! The Universe, the Absolute, people who played a leading role in this case and, of course, the long-awaited kid!
It at me nice! Beautiful, quiet, reasonable, about it I can talk endlessly!
We have with the son a huge love to each other. We are with it as a unit. It is improbable!
My younger daughter who worried that it is necessary to share with it the room adores the brother. It as well as I, love it incredibly strongly. Can potter with it for days on end and give it all best. Even the room))).
Now our miracle is 1 year old and 8 months. And granddaughter 3 weeks bigger. To us it is very cheerful! I am VERY happy person! I have four children. And my development did not stop.
In 40 years life only begins!
From all incident, I can tell with confidence!
1. Never be afraid of cardinal changes in the life. They always conduct to the best. To new branch of your development.
2. The fear of the future, is only the illusion which is thought up by the person. To themselves thought up, to ourselves we are afraid … of
3. Be not afraid of appearance of children in 40 and in 40 years. At this age of feeling to children become much stronger and more conscious.
4. Do not worry about what will be told by people who love children, those will be glad and will support you. And the others only envy your happiness. Eventually, you live for yourself, but not for them. Without your permission, nobody has the right to interfere with your personal space with the samovar.