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How to teach the child to control itself?

U me problem with the oldest daughter (9 years). In - the first, having begun some business, she cannot organize it so that it was convenient to carry out it. If it is lessons, then can begin on not cleaned table. As a result everything disturbs, falls on a floor. If the table is cleaned, then it throws out everything of a portfolio and begins to do one of lessons, having left unnecessary books under elbows.

Cleaning on shelves turns into some nightmare - cannot sort necessary and not really. Collecting to the pool took place a half of things earlier under my supervision and when allowed to gather most, she left at home. Specifically in this case helped to present council itself in the pool: came, undressed, changed the shoes (not to forget bedroom-slippers), rose in a shower (it is necessary to take soap, a bast, a towel), changed clothes (a bathing suit, a hat) etc.

In - the second, the daughter does not react to remarks at all. Wrote the list of constant my “cavils“: a) when woke up, it is necessary to wash, brush the hair, make a bed, to change clothes but only then to go on kitchen at breakfast; b) after disguise of a thing it is necessary to clean accurately in a case or to hang out, clean a portfolio; c) not to stir legs at dinner; d) at first to think, and then to speak to avoid low and a nukanye.

The list did not help - nothing exchanged.

Judging from the fact that you write, the girl has difficulties with internal focus of control.

It can be as result of neurologic problems in the early childhood, and costs of educational system: often children of authoritative parents are such.

For example, to school (or till any other age boundary) all decisions for the child are made by mother, also mother makes all actions demanding at least some independence (“Mother knows better when the child wants to write“).

Then after crossing of a conditional boundary for the child cease to solve, from it begin to demand, passing training process . Quite often such conditional border after which the child becomes independent, happens on September 1 the first class.

The girl is quite trained: you pointed by it to her ability to structure the actions in the pool, and it could move this ability to other area - there was a skill expansion, some kind of training.

An important point is how the list of cavils and for what purpose moves to the child. When a claim is made by the list, they also are perceived respectively: in a crowd, not differentially, merge for the child in one big parental rejection on which it is unclear how actually to react.

It is good if it is possible to discuss each cavil separately: it is not simple to discuss, and to find solutions that more not to listen to this cavil.

For example, with morning collecting than mother can help the child? To make the list of obligatory actions, to attach it to a mirror or the refrigerator and to suggest the child to delete the implemented clauses or to mark out them in other some more interesting and fascinating way - to glue a sticker or to draw nearby a smile.

And seeing off the daughter to doors, it is possible to be glad together to how remarkably there passed morning, without uniform cavil. Week without cavils it is possible it is noisy and cheerfully to celebrate.

The same can be made also with disguise after school.

It is possible to come on the other hand. And to work in game approach.

Suggest the girl to play the little daughter because “it is difficult for you to do remarks and to control such adult girl“. Let`s tell, within a week you carry out with it morning umyvatelny procedures, addressing, as with small that includes not only a baby talk, but also demonstrative neglect interests of “baby“: who asks the kid what he wants, he and that is not able to speak-.

Concerning shaking by legs it is necessary to understand, stirs the daughter legs specially or this action does not give in to her control. If in response to the remark the daughter does not stop the irritant actions - most likely, she not in forces to operate it, therefore, the probability of existence of neurologic problems about which it was written at the beginning of the comment is high.

Most it is important that can help to change a situation, is to present that the daughter is not malicious at all, and very much tries and wants to be good, but it is impossible to it. The parental task - owe to help it with it.