The teenager feels not it as all. Than it is possible to help?
“My daughter had a cleft lip (bilateral), now she is 13 years old, operations were performed, but there were small scars on a lip. The shape of a lip absolutely slightly - slightly differs from usual: looks chubbier and a little unusual form. Until recently problems were practically not known, the girl contact, is girlfriends, rather easily gets acquainted...
But week cries nearly every day: “I am not such as all... I hesitate to talk to new people... I will never marry...“ It is the most difficult to explain to her to peers that at it with a lip. Already also I do not know what to tell to the child. Settled all arguments“. (Question to the psychologist.)
Your girl now at that age when special significance when even very beautiful girls can spend a lot of time in front of the mirror is attached to appearance, trying to discover the slightest shortcomings and worrying in their occasion. The condition of the girl now with high probability is caused by the fact that someone significant paid attention to feature of her appearance - it excited her, forced to concentrate on this shortcoming and deprived of confidence. Our task now to return to the girl self-confidence.
Let`s be consecutive. It is good if it turns out to learn what became a starting point of these experiences to whose words the daughter reacted thus. This knowledge will help to explain possible motives of that person and to make his words less hurting for the daughter. It is possible, the person had no desire to offend, and just there was an interest, aspiration to know the daughter better (if it was the question, but not the remark), for example.
On the other side of, perhaps, at all nobody told anything to the daughter, but the person who is pleasant to her, for example, paid the close attention to other girl and by that induced to dig in itself and to try to discover shortcomings, and on a surface there was a habitual abnormality of a lip.
Regardless of the fact that became a source of experiences, it is possible to carry out with the daughter of several conversations and exercises interconnected among themselves.
1. Talk to the girl about relativity of the concept “beauty“. That at different times even in Europe there was absolutely different idea of beauty in general (remember rubensovsky women, look at various reproductions), not to mention the exotic countries (for example, necks 30-40 centimeters long or tiny, specially spoiled in the childhood, legs of Chinese women). It is necessary to be prepared for conversation carefully.
2. If the girl everything is continues to consider a shape of a lip as a shortcoming, talk that the people having any shortcomings often try to obtain improbable progress because they consider that the success is necessary for them for compensation. Give as an example of Michael York (the famous American actor with a Down syndrome), Demosfena, Dikul.
3. As a playful example of beauty it is possible to watch the animated film about the lost begemotik which looked for the mother - a begemotikha. It was asked: what she is your mother? He answered - the most beautiful. It was brought to the model - he told: my mother is much more beautiful. This animated film also illustrates the thesis: when you love the person, you accept him entirely with all merits and demerits.
4. After conversation when unshakable stereotypes of the girl concerning beauty reel, sit down with it in front of a big mirror and consider attentively her face: long voluminous hair, beautiful form big eyes, long fluffy eyelashes. Let for each hyphen on a face you will have a tender word, a compliment.
When the turn will reach lips, play with their form: extend in a thread, stick out - look how at the same time the look and the person changes. Note that at the same time in a mirror there is absolutely other girl, not that which you know and you love. Less natural and beautiful. And you very much love the girl, and all who know her at least a little, too very much love. Embrace the daughter and sit with her a little.
5. Suggest to go to vacation where - nibud together to vanish and distract, most saturated to spend free time, to appear among the people occupied with receiving new impressions, but not the analysis of shortcomings of appearance.