Rus Articles Journal

To ache or not to ache?

Neither I, nor the husband can refuse to the son when it begins to ache. In the beginning we speak to it: NO, and then, when its moaning lasts already some time, we should concede and if we do not concede, then it can ache for hours.

I already touched everything that came to my mind: both distracted, and persuaded, and deceived - does not help. And memory at it excellent - you will tell what you will make in a week, in a week reminds, and to it only 4 years. ...

First that needs to be made in a similar situation, it to develop uniform tactics of behavior with the husband. It is necessary to make conversation during which it will turn out to discuss that for each of you it is acceptable and that is not present to allow the child where each of you sees a framework of the child, borders legal. Then your various visions of the events need to be given to a uniform denominator.

For example, both of you consider that the child has to spend limited amount of time at the computer - here you are solidary. But you believe that the child of such age has enough twenty minutes, and the spouse does not see a problem that the child spends a couple of hours in front of the monitor. Such disagreement in practice conducts to the fact that when at the child time allowed by mother comes to an end, it or follows to the father permission, or begins to ache to mother so that the father who eventually will not sustain and will expressively look at mother heard, inducing it to grant permission.

Then on the basis of your overall educational picture the set of rules which then reaches the child is formed. It is possible to think over system of arguments which will help the child to accept new rules, and also it is good to think, than to the child to borrow released an hour and a half free time. Especially difficult to the child can be at first therefore it would be remarkable if this time could be spent in common, playing board games, helping mother to bake pie or helping the father to repair the shelf in a case. If just to introduce restrictions, without having set for the child of the specific new objective, it from nothing to do can put so many forces in moaning that everything that occurred earlier in this regard, will be perceived as the insignificant, not costing attention trifle.

It is important to discuss new rules in advance before there was a case regulated by them. Let`s assume that the child does not possess this information: its time ended, it habitually begins to ache, addressing the father, and mother mischievously speaks to it: “Now the new rule - at the computer you carry out no more than half an hour“. The word “mischievously“ here arose not casually. As all adults objectively were tired of moaning and need to renounce the desires, current situation unconsciously can be perceived as some kind of revenge. In this case the child reacts not to the rule and not to substantial part of the statement of the adult, and on emotional, and reacts not less emotionally in reply.

At one time it is better to discuss one rule with such still small child. Then it is easier for child to acquire it. It is better to carry out discussion to the moment when all are quiet, happy and relaxed. It is possible to think of auxiliary things which will help to follow this rule to the child. Coming back besides to computer time, it is possible to use the timer which the child will start the hands.

It is good if it turns out to develop the relation to the events, as to a possibility of training by all family. In a family there was an unpleasant model of the relations, it is necessary to make efforts to create new model. “We do not want to listen more as our son aches, trying to obtain the“. If what he wants, is admissible both for mother, and for the father, the child can receive it easily without moaning. If the requirement of the child does not fit into family educational system, then remind the child of the rule and offer alternative - other interesting occupation instead of unacceptable. It is good when words of the adult sound firmly, quietly and surely, then they quite so also are perceived by the child. All these overtones of the speech of the adult can give confidence that he is not lonely in the requirements and the second half responsible in the same measure for education of the child, completely divides them.