Whether to be tendernesses in education of the boy?
“To my son are 4,5 years. Sometimes it seems to me that in our relations there is too much tenderness. I love in a bed with the son in the mornings to roll about, embrace, tickle, sitting on a chair, on hands to take to shake. I like to kiss the little little man directly on a mouth, it is pleasant to him.
It too sometimes approaches me to the first: will narrow eyes, will extend lips, strives to give smacking kiss so that saliva flies extensively. But sometimes it avoids contact, evades as though it does not need our tenderness at all. The husband is less than I, but too wishes to pamper. Perhaps it is time to constrain the emotions and to reduce physical contact? How it can affect in the future?“ (Question to the psychologist).
As in any business, in manifestation of tenderness the measure and common sense is important and necessary. Let`s consider everything one after another.
At embraces, strokings and poshlepyvaniye, as if mother wanted to do it infinitely, to remember important needs of the child: whether he tests the same requirements right now? Or he is busy with some superfascinating business and to it not to caress?
As if it is strange sounded in relation to detsko - to the parental relations, there are also borders in the relations which need to be observed. If the child is not ready to accept tenderness from mother whether mother is ready at once as soon as it feels, to stop? Or the child has to rejoice to the fact that mother found time to allocate it with such important tactile attention? Whether the child has an important right to refuse?
The child, judging by the asked question, sometimes has this right. Business at all not that it does not need caress and tenderness now it for it is not timely. It is very good that the child can refuse tenderness, but not submissively accepts it. It means that he realizes the desires and arrives according to them. Besides it means that attention of mother the son receives quite a lot and it has no need to endow the interests in favor of the mother`s caress which is unexpectedly directed to it.
I suggest to consider concept of common sense on the example of the mentioned kiss on the lips, not an easy contact, but a deep damp kiss when “saliva extensively“. The sense of such kiss in the adult relations of the man and woman usually consists in escalation of sexual excitement. Whether it is necessary for the child - a big question. Of course, one may say, that the child does not test similar things, however and it is a controversial issue.
I think that many will agree that a deep kiss - the ability not peculiar for the child - the preschool child not caused by his physical or emotional development. How the child then appears the owner of such extraordinary ability?
First of all, by imitation. The child imitates what sees at adults. Causes the actions an affection storm. The pleasure and delight of adults induce the child again and again to repeat that it causes such reaction in his favourite people. “I can please mother“ why not to do it to a thicket? Whether has this relation to tenderness? Quite mediated.
There is one more veiled minus here. If the child has a way which steadily causes delight of people around, draws to it general attention, then the child has no need to master something new, to learn to interact differently. He will operate the checked skill until that from the touching factor does not turn into irritating.
And what is felt by mother at such moments? What is guided by? What trains the child to be gentle, in fifteen years ability to kiss is useful to him... What is in close contact with the child to general pleasure? However there is a set of other ways and opportunities to appear with the child in close contact: the same povalyashka on a sofa, swings on hands - “game in the kid“ and just embraces can easily carry out this function. To each age - the ways of tactile communication.
Thus, it is possible to come back safely to what article began with: in everything the measure and common sense, even in love and tenderness is necessary. Redundancy, an imbalance and lack of the accounting of age features can make uncomfortable even such pleasant and useful things as caress and tenderness.