How to survive to disturbing mother?
“I was always a disturbing person. Now I have a child, I became disturbing mother. I am disturbed by everything, as for the child: its health, food, development - I am anxious in mad quantity of occasions.
From it it is heavy not only me, but also all around. To the child, probably, first of all. And to the husband gets too, he suffers so far, calms me when it nearby, is much less than alarms. I see that when I am alarmed, my kid worse sleeps, under the influence of alarm I behave with the child not as when with us nearby the father. How to stop how to cease to torment the kid with own alarm?“ Question to the psychologist.
Mother of the small child is a person on whom the round-the-clock responsibility for another lies, less skillful, skilled and adapted for life. Of course, such responsibility generates alarms: clambers on a chair - but whether will fall from it? Eats already the third orange - but whether will sprinkle a cheek? How to play in a sandbox - but whether somebody will knock a shovel?
Alarm - important feeling, it helps to focus attention on the necessary things, serves as some kind of alarm system urging to concentrate on what at the moment demands applications of forces.
Then there is a question of how to differentiate useful and harmful manifestations of alarm. If harmful manifestations appear more, it is necessary to reduce intensity of this feeling, at frequent pathological manifestations significantly preventing to live normally to both mother, and the child.
That the alarm is excessive it is possible to receive a signal from the outside - from the father or the girlfriend, it is possible to rely on internal feelings. The way to such necessary tranquility lies, first of all, through understanding of the reasons of alarm. For example, the woman whose childbirth proceeded hard, mother whose child`s life constantly was in danger the first months can become quite naturally disturbing. Time goes, the child catches up with peers, the source of alarm remains further and further in the past, however the alarm does not weaken. And would have to - young mother accustomed with a new role, the child became more or less clear and predictable. In that case it is possible to look for the moments when the alarm flashes and to divide the events there into objective prerequisites and subjective.
For example if the kid mastered ability to climb up the chair put to a window sill, and you, being morally not prepared, caught it already on very tall, fortunately, wide window sill when he tried to go down by a chair … The objective occasion was: the child made it for the first time and without insurance - it is possible to be disturbed for a second, and then to be glad to the fact that you managed to appear in due time in the right place. Now, when you know about new ability of the child, you can be ready and secure the kid, or make inaccessible a way on a window sill.
The alarm is often caused by unknown situations or factors. For work with the disturbing uncertainty it is possible to try to learn about it more. For example, you are disturbed by the analysis appointed to the child with the name difficult to pronounce. In this case it is necessary to learn about procedure more, and it is better to make it not on the Internet, and to ask the competent, causing trust person expert in medicine. If it among acquaintances does not appear, it is possible to use also the Network, then it is better to do it when near you there is a person whose presence calms you. In the given example the husband possesses such property. It will not allow you nakrutitsebya when reading. Thus, you learn more about procedure and will avoid a condition of a vzinchennost.
Introspection can become one more useful skill for decrease in uneasiness: how I feel right now? I am quiet. What do I do what helps me to keep calm right now?. The set of occupations during which you with high probability are not anxious will so gradually be created. The more such occupations filled your day, the your life becomes less disturbing, the less alarms filter into the relations with the child. You do not infect it with the state and do not giperopekat under the influence of own alarm.