The child is afraid to be late. What to do? “Advise
, please, how to struggle with fear of delay. I have a boy 6. 5 years. Went in 1 - y a class. The kindergarten did not visit. The fear to be late appeared a year ago, the son then attended the developing classes, went there several times a week. So it turned out that once we were late for 5 min. for occupation. After that all also began...
Since September first in panic is afraid to be late in school, begins to cry, can bring itself to a hysterics. All the time asks me: “We will not be late?“ When we go to school, cries and says that all already came and we are late. As soon as comes into school, calms down. Is afraid to be late everywhere where goes. To school to go 5 minutes. Tried all possible ways: gave to drink a valerian and more serious preparations, specially I awake a bit earlier when puts on - I do not hurry, we leave with a large supply of time in advance, I show on hours how many it is necessary for time to reach school and to undress. Usually anywhere we are not late“ . Question to the psychologist.
The fear to be late quite seldom happens the only and independent complexity in the child`s life. As a rule, it is part of a complex problem which decision requires a serious integrated approach.
In the book “Day and Nightmares at Children“ the famous children`s psychotherapist A. I. Zakharov writes:
“At the heart of fear to be late, not to be in time uncertain and disturbing expectation of any misfortune lies. Sometimes the similar fear gets a persuasive, neurotic shade when children torment parents with infinite questions - doubts it seems: “And we will not be late?“, “And we will be in time? “, “And you will come?“
Intolerance of expectation is shown that the child “emotionally fuses“ before some certain, in advance planned event, for example, of arrival of guests, visits of cinema etc. of
Most often the persuasive fear of delay is inherent in boys with the high level of intellectual development, but with insufficiently expressed emotionality and a spontaneity. They are sponsored much, controlled, not really young regulate each step and it is disturbing - hypochondriac parents. Besides mothers would prefer to see them girls, and treat boyish willfulness with emphasized adherence to principles, intolerance and irreconcilability.
The heightened sense of a debt, difficulty of compromises in combination with impatience and bad shipping of expectation, maximalism and inflexibility of thinking on type - “everything or nothing“ are peculiar to both parents. As well as fathers, boys are not sure of themselves and are afraid not to justify the inspired overestimated requirements of parents. Figuratively speaking boys at persuasive fear to be late are afraid not to be in time on the boyish train of life rushing without stops from the past in the future, passing a present substation.
The persuasive fear to be late is a symptom of painfully pointed and fatally unsoluble internal concern, i.e. neurotic alarm when the past frightens, the future disturbs, and the present concerns and puzzles“.
Therefore all efforts bent on change of a situation can be shared on global and local.
To global it is possible to carry the analysis of a family situation, determination of level of a categoriality of educational measures, an assessment of flexibility of family educational system. The level of uneasiness of parents is higher, the educational system has less flexibility, the it is more difficult to allow the child itself the right for a mistake, even mentally to assume that it can be late and the sky does not fall to the ground.
It is possible to refer direct work with concrete fear to local efforts: if the fear to be late in school was a terrible being, as if it looked? Presented? And now let`s present that someone invited this being to birthday, so the being should make toilet: to wash, put on something elegant, to descend in a hairdressing salon, to tonsure nails, to be trained to be polite. If it is rough during the holiday, he more there will not be invited... (the thought that if to be terrible, then fun will not turn out will come to the child afterwards as if by itself). Such elegant being can already and be drawn. And further to compose about it different stories as it has friends what adventures happen to it in process of its socialization. Together with adaptation of fear also the child will calm down.
At the same time it is important to continue to do what the asking mother writes about: to awake in advance, to structure time, not to frighten by delay. Everything will be adjusted.