To accept, to sympathize, be sorry... How we love? We tell
Since the earliest childhood about love. Each person on this earth aspires to it. Imagine faces of people whom you love, and those which love you. Isn`t that so, only one thought of them already changes your mood, raises a smile and positive emotions. do not have
Without love the harmonious relations, there is no creativity. Without love of people as if becomes covered by a thick dust layer because feelings become dull.
What love is wanted by you? How you want that you were loved?
Whether you noticed that what it is difficult to understand, - it is difficult to describe words. Usual language which we use in everyday life though is exact, takes away from the main subject. Infinite trifles and details distract mind. But once you hear someone`s history, a parable or just to listen to the song, the understanding suddenly comes. Language of symbols which described invisible by us the world, more deeply and more gracefully. It opens a veil of the unknown phenomena and allows us to get into the essence.
We will look for the beginning of the beginnings in folk art. “I feel sorry for you!“ - one of the most sincere songs in Lyudmila Zykina`s repertoire. What simple vital contents filled the words written by Felix Laube.
In the villages of Ryazanshchina, in the villages of Smolensk region
“I love“ the Word unusually for the woman.
There, selflessly and truly loving, the Woman will tell
“I feel sorry for you“. “to feel sorry“ for
In the etymological dictionary of Russian of Semenov - Old Russian “zhalovat“, old Slavic you “sting“. In Russian appeared since the 11th century with regret value, gradually gaining new values. In Russia, especially in villages, “I feel sorry“ for the word it was used in value “I love, I respect“. Then it had wider value, than now: to preserve, sponsor, protect, show tenderness, sympathy.
A source of this feeling one - mercy which conducts to true love and opens it in the best way. This moral standard at the gene level is put in men and women, finding that high sense by which we are guided in love to each other.
But owing to social and historical installations at women it is expressed more brightly and more often, sometimes in a false manner is understood and takes the distorted forms. For example, the partner of the woman offends it, and she silently suffers. Suffers because is sorry?
It is unlikely. All its previous relations were constructed on habitual model in which the intimate union is connected and is associated with humiliation and an insult. It leans on the stereotype acquired in the early childhood that it is not worthy love and attention. The woman bears feeling of lameness through all life. She rushes to the similar relations in search of pain with which she is fed to take negative pleasure. If, of course, one fine day, at last, does not realize the sacrificial position which attracts the men, and will not begin to change.
Presently in the standard sense the word “be sorry“ bears not too attractive semantic coloring. For some people it is frequent to be sorry (in this understanding) and to love - concepts inseparable. You remember? “She for torments fell in love with me, and I her am for compassion to them“. How many steam pines in dislike when one regretted another and established with it a family.
For others “I am sorry“ - it is humiliating feeling that actually is only the covered disgust and the confidence in own superiority mixed with sense of guilt for indifference. However it is thought that the people who are sincerely developed understand depth of the word and variety of its value.
When we are sorry, it is impossible to tell: “And me in general all the same“ or “Nothing concerns me“. Zhaleniye removes resistance, it is similar to acceptance negative, sometimes tragic situations, to acceptance of hated people. How many in the history was cases when, being sorry, people rescued the enemies.
Being sorry, you do not visit offensive labels, you will not offend, you will not offend and you will not betray. Buddhists and brightened up would call “zhaleniye“ - keeping out of the way. “I am sorry“ - it is simple, but deep vital wisdom of ability to give in to a tide of life. This understanding of thin communication of the person with other people. It is quintessence of the relations and family life.
Remember when you felt sorry for some person or an animal. Your body as if was filled with heat, it relaxed. And if you were sorry sincerely, with all the heart, that felt satisfaction, never regretted for made and respected yourself for an act. Whether there is something more inherent in the person, than ability to be sorry?
As easily we can be angry, take offense, irritated! But as it is difficult to go to regretting the one who, at first sight, does not deserve even our attention. It is also difficult to convince himself to forgive the villain!
To be sorry - it means to accept a situation without reservations and conditions. And when we accept something - what, maybe, was disgusting only a minute ago, changes polarity and pushes us on specific actions or, on the contrary, inaction.
This state disarms and allows to be more human. It is very powerful force - both for change of situations, and for internal transformation. And if you suddenly felt extraordinary ease, clarity and tranquility are because you are sorry really, but not because it is favorable to you now / you put on a blagochestivost mask / it from you wait for people around.
“I am sorry“ allows with - to feel, with - to worry, with - to participate and creates pure space for healing if the person is sick, embittered or unfortunate. And this space is created as for this purpose who feels sorry, and for this purpose for whom feel sorry.
When we are sorry, we do not wait any more that something or someone has to change, become kinder, better. Ourselves become kinder and better.
Only the ego can tell it “It is not necessary to be sorry. You will become vulnerable, you will be deceived and betrayed“. This ego perceives “I am sorry“ as weakness because it - weakness and the fear disguised in power. The ego works in the mode of continuous resistance and protection. And all these manipulations deprive of its force. And vice versa - “I am sorry“ power gives this strength, Jesus spoke about it: “Mild are blessed; they will have the earth in the possession“.
Let`s listen to the song. Its melodious motive and simple words from depths of popular wisdom will help to understand how we love and as we want to love.
There was over the small river a village our Russian:
of the Roof sloping, tropochka narrow,
Where to gray hairs more and more warmly and more gently than
of the Wife all heart feel sorry for husbands...
In the villages of Ryazanshchina, in the villages of Smolensk region
the Word “I love“
Unusually for the woman,
There, infinitely and truly loving, the Woman will tell
“I feel sorry for you“.
How many heat in each female character,
As we are felt sorry by tired mothers!
As still long in the evenings
of the Widow, feeling sorry for the died soldiers...
Years go, our mothers grow old,
Caress is given to the grandchildren who were born.
of the Woman are eternally kind and gentle...
As men have to feel sorry for them!