Jealousy. How to fight against it?
How to anticipate emergence of the destroying feeling and in time to make for itself the decision - we understood. Let`s consider a situation when the jealousy comes to the relations the unexpected and uninvited guest even in several years.
For a start needs to be understood accurately that no processes in the relations fall upon us suddenly. All problems remind a snowball which gains volume more and more over time. Our task - in time to notice it and to anticipate possible undesirable consequences.
What to do if you felt in a venomous question of the partner something bigger, than a usual jealous jocosity? Do not take any hasty actions. Wait for the moment when you remain to consider alone that there was opportunity everything quietly.
We will begin with the fact that there is no smoke without fire. It does not mean that you are guilty of emergence of excessive vigilance of your partner (though there is an expression: “If it seems that the wife changes you, do not doubt - changes“). Analyse the acts for two - three weeks preceding emergence of a dissatisfied fold on a forehead at the partner. Whether you made something like that that could push a half on double understanding of the events? Try to estimate the acts objectively (easy to tell!) and to assume character of an assessment of your acts from the point of view of the partner. You for a long time together therefore it is possible.
If introspection did not show, in your opinion, nothing remarkable - makes sense to talk to the partner. To sit down quietly on a sofa, the friend opposite to the friend, and to discuss the concerning subjects. Do not make scandal - yet for this purpose there are no reasons. Just find out specifically from the person what disturbs him. Give the full, developed answers to all his questions.
If questions do not arrive and the partner becomes reserved, says that “everything is normal and nothing disturbs“, pay his attention to the concrete moment at which you felt something wrong. Ask to give explanations on the fact that disturbs your half.
The main thing - keep calm throughout all conversation. You do not press on the partner at all. Remember that your task - to understand a situation and to return harmony to the relations, but not to reproach a favourite half with excessive vigilance.
After the reason of imminent conflict will be found, pass to search of the decision arranging both parties to a compromise.
In case the jealousy became similar to open guerrilla war (the third type of jealousy), conversation has to take place more specifically. Do not hesitate to say about what does not suit you: assert the right for comfort. Remember that the rights of one person come to an end where the rights of another begin.
Eventually how long and harmonious would not be the relations, nobody has the right to break your personal zone of comfort without your permission.
Place points over i. And avoid conversation in style “if you make - I will act this way-“. It is utopian policy, to anything good, as a rule, not bringing.
You speak specifically:
“It is not pleasant to me that you dig in my cell phone without demand. I love you, and I have from you no secrets. Ask me - and I will allow you it to look if it is so interesting to you“.
“Let`s get used to trust each other. If I say that I on fitness - mean, I on fitness. You can even meet me from occupations, it will be very pleasant to me“.
“I am late at work not from - for the fact that I want to see you less. I really there have states of emergency. You want, I will tell you, from - for what they arise and how I fight with them? I as well as you, work for our successful future“.
If to talk in this way - you will quickly reach agreement.
In a counterbalance I will bring a little pernicious for achievement of harmony in the relations of statements and right there I will comment on them:
“You lie to me. I know, than you were engaged there (-las)!“
Lie. You, a priori, cannot know it if were not present “there“. Look on the Internet: there are many stories about when all facts indicated change. And it appeared - the jealousy was groundless.
“Why he (she) so looks at you?“
Not only that you do not wish to be glad for the partner - views of strangers one more proof of appeal of your partner in life, so you also accuse the person of what that is not able to affect at all.
If it is not pleasant how this or that passerby looked at your half - resolve this issue with it. But, I will make a reservation, do not wait for approval of such actions neither from object of your “protection“, nor from the passerby. At worst - you can appear in hospital.
“Where you so long gadded (-las)? “
In - the first, the formulation of a question, especially, if the person “gadded“ at work, with huge work beating out money from clients, or he was detained by the chief, with the purpose to bring to a hysterics, or, eventually - just lowered a wheel or the car broke, can strongly touch your half.
Imagine that you go home absolutely broken, morally expecting and hoping to get her (his) support, your partner - the one who understands you how nobody else! And on a threshold you receive an ice shower from similar this phrases... What your reaction? Just present. Pleasantly? That is the same.
Always look for a compromise and for a second do not forget that you together not to change the person under themselves: for this purpose no abilities are necessary. You together to be able to be happy with each other.
And it, my friends, true art!