How again to accept the child in a family?
“... I am disturbed by several moments in the relations with my three-year-old son. In - the first, its whims in an occasion and without. He is ready to cry infinitely, yet will not make every effort to switch it, and at two small children it is not simple at all.
In - the second, its attitude towards younger sister (she is three months old). He shouts that the sister is not necessary to it that it is necessary to carry her back. Tries to spank her, takes away rattles...
There is a little history. One and a half years ago I with the son, then absolutely still the baby, had an accident. With the son it appeared everything is all right, and I with a serious trauma was hospitalized. The child for several months was taken away by my parents that I could recover and restore health.
From - for trauma consequences it was difficult to me to care for the small child and I gave him for several months of the mother-in-law, then he stayed with my parents at the dacha the whole summer again. Then mother to me brought it (we live in the different cities). In a month I gave birth to the daughter“.
At first for intra family, actually parental uses.
Now you need to accept the child, to feel him as the son, but not the son of grandmothers.
Good is important to find in the child that what it is possible to lean in the idea of it on. You in communication with the child in accordance with the circumstances had long breaks, sometimes in such circumstances there is a feeling that all troubles from separation, and the child begins to be perceived as something others, external in relation to a family.
Therefore it is very important to find and continue to look for constantly in the child what makes related him with you and the spouse, than he is similar to you that does the same as you, by what mimic reactions (smiles as you, or frowns as the husband) what gestures it is similar to you.
Now we pass to the organization of interaction with the child .
Try to organize as much as possible situations when you can be with it in close physical contact. For example, you feed the baby, and a free hand embrace the son. If it is possible, let something similar will become a peculiar ritual. Then the Son will be included in your communication with the daughter, it in this process will have a lawful place . Then it will not need to compete with the sister.
Children have a small age difference - the senior the kid still. Let`s think how he could show the seniority and feel useful . For example, ask it to collect a pyramid for you and little sisters - you will look and rejoice. Or to bring to you in a body cubes together to construct a lodge. That is to do all that it could do just like that for itself(himself), for you and the little sister with the purpose to show the abilities or to entertain you. Then the son will be involved in interaction with you and will not feel sawn-off.
Let`s think also how it is possible to organize for the boy a position of superiority over the sister. When the person (the little man) is confident in our case that he immeasurably surpasses someone, he ceases to compete, instead begins to render protection. For formation of this position it is possible to sound aloud things which usually are not told because are considered self-evident.
For example: “As it is great that you already such big, can run so quickly on the strong legs. And the little sister still is not able to do it! You represent, she still is not even able to sit not that to run! But you when it grows up, will be able to teach her to run also quickly and to jump as high as you are able! Who, except you, will be able to teach her to it? Here it will be healthy!
And she is not able to speak as well yet as you. She even “mother“ is not able to tell yet. Give together it we will learn that she could ask that it is necessary to it. And now to ask that, cannot ask, only cries, and we should guess that it is necessary for it. Here you - another matter: became thirsty - told about it! Wanted on a pot - told about it!“
to the Child is important to feel important and necessary in a family, to happen in focus of attention of parents. Actually, the boy also aspires to it in the available ways. The main objective here - to show to the child ways to come under the spotlight - accepted for all, ways to be useful and accepted.