What is help ecology? Each child acquires
from kindergarten what to help - it it is good. In principle, it is a basis of human existence - on the latest theories of anthropologists, not only work, but mutual aid helped thereby pracheloveka to survive and head the planet then to launch satellites to Mars and to invent iPads, Facebook and other pleasant trifles.
But as we understand already now, each thing or the phenomenon has two parties - light and dark, the help has two parties too. It does not mean that it is not necessary to help - just - it is necessary (read above about a survival and other buns). But how it is correct to help to observe this it is black - white balance that was not excruciatingly painful for aimlessly spent forces and not to offend that person to whom you help?
So, I will try to formulate the basic rules of ecology of the help. The first and most important governed - do not help when you are not asked . The help is a wasting of energy which under the law of its preservation, has to be resumed. Therefore the person who accepts the help feels obliged (if, of course, he is a normal person, but not the power vampire who does not feel obliged to nobody and accepts any help with feeling that, in - the first, it was given insufficiently and that and so all have to it, in - the second). Helping the person without his request - accurately formulated! - you drive it into obligations which he, perhaps, did not want to undertake, or the price for them seems to it too high. Many people from - for it refuse the help in the principle - then not to feel obliged or … humiliated. Yes, to regret, very often the help is a way to tower over the one to whom you help, and to ego-trip, feel more considerable, than that person who needed the help. Therefore the second rule of ecology of the help says: before helping someone, analyse the motives - whether you want to ego-trip at his expense ?
And about motives of the acts helping. Psychologists have a good saying “The help - a reverse side of control“: often those who seek to help especially to the family - children, spouses - actually seek to control them. Certainly, in it there is nothing good - such “help“ goes also to the detriment of helping, and to the one who is helped. All for certain know a story about overage children to whom parents “helped“ to get a job in institute, then, then helped buy the apartment …
A then these children cannot bring the one who is wanted into this apartment, to give up that work which is not pleasant and to be engaged in what there is a wish. As a result the vicious circle is often formed: parents overstrain, allegedly trying to help the children who and to control perfectly get used to such help. At me in the neighbourhood there lives the hunched grandmother on crutches - she begs from the subway, having in the house well-fad and quite to herself the blossoming son and the grandson, certainly, of the unemployed. In this regard one more rule - help only in process of own forces, accurately watching balance and balance: it is more gram, than you can give ! Otherwise - you will spend all the forces, and it, of course, not eco-friendly.
Above-mentioned councils concerned those who help. And now let`s consider rules for those who are helped.
In - the first as it seems to me, you should not hesitate to refuse the offered help if to you inconveniently to accept it. In - the second, you should not hesitate to ask the help - as inspired in all of us since the childhood, it is good to help, and people help willingly, adding themselves the importance and pluses in a karma. If you really need the help, to allow someone to ego-trip at own expense - not such and bad option. But if you were helped - be so kind as, be grateful: it is the key moment. Your investment of energy in the given help is a gratitude. Even if you cannot adequately pay back: for example, when the man of means pays for you at restaurant which you are not able to afford and hardly sometime in the future pay for it - accept it, but do not forget to thank sincerely. If you cannot for any reasons be grateful - do not accept the help, otherwise you will break ecological balance.
Some people for this reason do not ask about the help directly, even when are in it very in great need because do not want to be grateful. But, nevertheless, they do everything that they were helped: parade the sufferings, in every possible way pushing us, compassionate, to that all - to offer the help - the desire to help neighbors “is also stitched“ at us in a brain. This equipment - manipulative: help is given and accepted. But as formally about it did not ask, and the gratitude should not be expected allegedly, and nobody should not anybody. Actually, so to behave - means, to break ecological equilibrium on assistance, and too it is inadmissible.
And summing up all aforesaid, there is a wish to tell: be not afraid to ask about the help when you really need it, and you are not lazy it to render to those to whom it is necessary. You remember those pracheloveka which became people from - for the fact that helped each other.