Rus Articles Journal

How to overcome shyness on the first appointment?

When the speech come about acquaintance on the Internet, transition from “virtual“ communication to “live“ becomes the main stumbling block. For this purpose there is a variety of reasons.

In - the first, people often are afraid of the moment of the first acquaintance and estimated disappointment. Therefore they under true and imaginary pretexts try to distance the moment of personal meeting.

Both parties, as a rule, face similar fears and fears, but there is nothing to be afraid here, and in general the stage of preliminary acquaintance on the Internet should be reduced as much as possible. Many mistakenly think that the long correspondence will save on a dating site it forces, time and nerves. I hurry to disappoint them - communication on the Internet will not allow you to know better the person or to approach it. And here is how time it is capable to complicate further communication.

The reasons of similar illusions and mistakes are covered that the person inherently - creation social and sociable. And to communicate with similar, perhaps, one of the most natural occupations for it. Moreover, many researches established that communication is one of basic needs of the person and the people deprived of this requirement become despondent also a depression. And here is how time communication with strangers, in fact, thing absolutely not peculiar to the person. During hundreds of thousands of years all social world surrounding the person consisted of one and a half hundred tribesmen. In prehistoric time, namely then the majority of our public instincts and habits was formed, any stranger was perceived as the alien and a source of potential threat.

Therefore the first appointment is a small psychological stress. And if you long communicated with the person on correspondence and the more so on a video chat, and it to you attracted, then the first meeting becomes even more difficult. Its importance in your eyes increased, you constructed the next expectations and now are afraid to make something not and “to spoil everything“.

As many are forced to communicate every day with unfamiliar or half-familiar people, human society developed a certain set of psychological mechanisms for overcoming of confusion.

The first : the standardized rules of conduct in society. Polite addresses, rules of a good form, fashion and a slang - all is the coded information created for recognition “the - the stranger“, is urged to facilitate communication with unfamiliar or unfamiliar people.

The second : people were accustomed to pretend as if that this person is familiar to you. For this purpose our subconsciousness reveals characteristics of the stranger, creates certain “identikit“ and verifies it with the existing catalog in our head. All this occurs automatically, subconsciously, without active participation of the person.

In it popularity of such worn-out phrase at communication is covered “You to me from where - that she is familiar. You remind someone to me“. We hear this phrase constantly as the offer to acquaintance. But from - for a banality this phrase is suitable for the first acquaintance a little. In general, it is worth avoiding the worn-out words and the bored phrases.

Therefore psychologists so emphasize importance of the first impression and the rule of “the first twelve seconds“.

But is not necessary strongly in this occasion to be upset. On the contrary, we should thank the nature for similar gift. In - the first if you or made “not that impression“ on you, apparently, even if you, it seems, attracted each other, your subconsciousness or subconsciousness of your vis-a-vis with ability of the skilled psychologist “read“ the new acquaintance and, probably, little shone you in the future. On the other hand, the probability of a mistake is put too in our psychology therefore you remember that you keep the appointment to “the right for a mistake“. But, as a rule, only on one. However always give the second chance.

By the way, raspostranenny phrases are connected with these mechanisms, such as “love at first sight“ and “you to me did not attract in the beginning at all, but then it was pleasant“...

Therefore there is nothing to be afraid here. You either will be pleasant, or is not present, is not given the third. And here depends on you very little. Though, of course, there is several practical advice how to overcome shyness.

In - the first, do not try to put on yourself affected self-confidence. At the same time you will begin to behave unnaturally. It is mentally read by the interlocutor and interpreted as your weakness. If to you absolutely poorly, it is possible to share the state and to tell that you worry. Thereby you get additional points for frankness.

Only it is not necessary to go to far in it. Do not allocate your state in a subject for conversation. We know that people with bigger hunting speak about themselves, than about others. And what definitely should not be done, so to be started up it in the analysis of the appointment. “Well you understand, I seldom go out on dates therefore I strongly worry. In general, I read such interesting article about appointments here...“

One more mistake which to you should be avoided, it to turn a meeting into interview and to excessively abandon the interlocutor questions. People are not pleasant to answer questions at all. Especially, if they are personal. Especially, if it is the closed questions yes/no - people do not love interrogations. Especially, your rich inner world (at least interests nobody, during the first acquaintance). Therefore leave your opinion on subtleties of terminology of the Buddhism and distinction between concepts of a nirvana and sansara for more suitable case. If your interlocutor are not ardent admirers of east philosophy.

It is the best of all to ask the open questions assuming the developed answer: “What opinion of the lake at you.?“, “What you feel in this regard?“ and. etc.

Told does not mean at all that it is not necessary to ask questions at all. But they have to have a definite purpose: not “to know better“ the vis-a-vis, and to grope the general subject for conversation.

I can give one more method which helps to overcome shyness in communication and establishing contacts with strangers. It is necessary to behave so as if already long time he is familiar with this person and to try as far as it is possible, to use the acquaintance for it language and images for comparisons. It is also useful to set one - two questions for clarification of expectations. They allow to grope the general sphere of interests, to melt ice at communication, to create the pleasant and friendly atmosphere.

You also should seek for creation of a pleasant situation and feeling of “recognition“ on the first appointment. Also do not forget: acquaintance postponement does not help at all, but with a high probability can become an additional barrier.