What is egoism in love?
Judging by what serious discussion was developed after my first post in Shkolezhizni (see the article “What Is Love?“), a further statement of my opinion of rather repeatedly studied phenomenon of love will leave not enough indifferent. To those it is better because in collision of opinions win both parties - it is possible at the same time both to perfect arguments, and to change the initial point of view. So, a key question - whether the love is connected with egoism and if yes - that as?
We will consider consistently three concepts: egoism in general, egoism in love in particular, and love (bed) egoism as one of forms of manifestation of egoism in love. A technique I offer simple: in the beginning we will ask the all-knowing Internet, and then we will connect common sense and a knowledge of life. And we will come to final judgment. Agree?
What is egoism?
Strangely enough, but google is not too plentiful on definitions. Here, perhaps, the most widespread, having roots of - on Freud: egoism is the manifestation of interest of the person to itself which is characterized by focusing on the desires, inclinations, the own world in general. Read? Wonder what contains a negative in this definition? Anything, truth?
However, continuing searches further, it is possible to find numerous materials in which egoism is attributed to concept negative, even antisocial coloring. Say (further in the text in quotes are quotes), “the Christian morals teach us to care for other people, to esteem parents, to help weak and to resist to tyrants … that the highest achievement is the feat made for the good of all mankind. We are told tales of the heroes who gave the life for the sake of rescue of other people. And we are learned to test fault for any manifestation of egoism“. Often even express opinion that egoism destroys society and therefore it has to be eradicated. In as! At the same time designate altruism as contrast to egoism: the first - is good, the second - is disgusting.
Women`s magazines add to antisocial coloring of egoism also antimuskulinny, say, egoists are men NOT - are attentive - are careful - are obliging - are friendly - are self-sacrificing - are unselfish … a row can be continued, but the sense, me is thought, is already clear: the woman Neegoistichna, men - are selfish, the man Nealtruistichna, women - are altruistic.
But if to look still, but it is possible to hear and which - that another. That “in egoism there is nothing bad - such is human nature and to struggle with it, so to rise against a self-preservation instinct. That “the purpose of congenital natural egoism - a survival therefore all of us are egoists completely. But on foolish combination of circumstances very much we want to see ourselves some others“. That “we find great honor in nobility, in altruism, in the help to persons in need. We care for the relatives and those whom we love. We worry about the future of children, about cubs of seals, about ecology and about world peace. But at the same time we refuse to look to the truth in eyes - actually we care only about to ourselves“.
Here so - that, ladies - misters! Sincerely recognizing himself as the egoist and acting in compliance with it is more honest, than the affected hypocrite acting for the good from understanding “so has to“ and contrary to the ego. Here still quote: “Than stronger the person believes in disinterestedness of the thoughts and acts, he is more unfortunate than subjects“. How to you? It is strongly told, isn`t that so?
Here an example - the explanation: two different persons, one - the sincere egoist, another - the affected hypocrite, give gifts to the relatives. The first accurately understands that in fact it does a gift as if for itself(himself), proceeding from own, read - egoistical, self-interest, just it is pleasant to give it. It korysten, but is honest. Therefore, to it, in general, all the same whether the gift will cause a storm of joyful emotions, or it is polite - indifferent gratitude: it already satisfied the that ego!
The affected hypocrite, being in the same way mercenary, pretends that there is no personal benefit in his act that the gift is for the sake of the neighbor, for him / her and with the purpose to bring that a storm of joyful emotions. What occurs if instead he receives politely - indifferent gratitude? Offense? Misunderstanding? Charges? Quite so, agree! And why? Because the affected hypocrite wants to believe in disinterestedness of this act, being by the nature human - the egoist!
As a conclusion - one more quote: “In the person there is nothing, except own selfish “Want! “, and the more distinct he sees it, the simpler and more natural him life, the is simpler and more natural than its relation with people. Egoism - absolutely healthy feeling if to cease to hesitate of it. The more from it you hide, the more it breaks outside in the form of unreasonable offenses and attempts to manipulate people to itself(himself) for the benefit. And the more you recognize it, the more distinctly you understand that this egoism and forces us to honor freedom and interests of other person. Conscious reasonable egoism - the only way to healthy and constructive human relations“.
Having finished the Internet - search, we will try to connect common sense and a knowledge of life. In all honesty, answer with whom communication, with the person who absolutely or almost does not make you a claim which, as a rule, is happy with everything, has steadily - positive mood, or with the one who - councils - lectures - opinions fills with cavils all air around your ears who waits from you for thanks for made by it - disinterestedly is easier! - the act which mood is not predicted changes? With whom? That is the same! And that to you to the fact that at the first it is manifestation of interest in itself, focusing on the desires, inclinations, on the own world in general? What does it change if ease of the relations only benefits from it? You remember where the road is paved by good intentions?
Last stroke. It is necessary to tell a couple of words about what feeds egoism of any person? On what the inner world and what interest in itself is movable by is under construction? The answer is simple - requirements, here that there is “Alpha and Omega“ of a human ego. Requirements! For their satisfaction, and - prime and unconditional! It is known that not so there is a lot of them - only five so it is necessary to trace not much factors. Good news is that for adult rather successful man only two are key - three.
What is egoism in love?
Ufff, with the first section is finished. Having understood what egoism is not such and a terrible animal as it often draws our imagination, we will pass to the second - what is egoism in love? To start reasonings we will remember that we understand as love: this condition of replacement of own egoism in favor of egoism of other person. We add determination of egoism here - interest in ourselves, attention on the desires and inclinations, on own world. What turns out? If egoism - interest, attention and inclinations - the person, suppose, of the man, is forced out in favor of egoism - interest, attention and an inclination - other person, the woman, then it means that appeal “an inner self, the ego“ the woman for the man becomes higher than own. To the contrary, appeal man`s “an inner self, than an ego“ becomes higher for the woman. On it their mutual interest to each other is under construction. The inner world of one is replaced with an inner world of another. Needs of the woman feed egoism of the man and vice versa.
Possibly, this understanding romantics - writers are guided - poets when use metaphors like “they were dissolved in each other“. People around speak about such - they love each other, and suit ideally one another! Though if to ask everyone, then the man, most likely, will tell, something it seems “we with it one blood“, and the woman - “he same, as well as I, only … with a tail“. In other words, the assessment of the partner is carried out by the principle of absence! It as with air - while he is, do not notice it as soon as he is not present - guard!
We will present to a situation. The man has and values the relations with the woman. She suggests to jerk to the country for the weekend once. And the man on these days off already has plans - to descend on soccer. Or, he suggests the woman to go to theater, and at her “is already filled“ in the schedule on Saturday “pools - massages - make-ups“. What to do? There are two options. The first - if the man in the first situation and the woman in the second refuse the plans, requirements, then thereby become on the way of accumulation of potential of irritation and dissatisfaction: time “moved down“, conceded the second time … Where end? And what it will be?
Second option: each of partners respects egoism of another, and considers - egoistically! - the arrived offer through a prism of the requirements: nature or soccer, theater or pool. And if is accepted, then time - the meeting place which, as we know, now cannot be changed is coordinated;. That`s all! Tell that it is better for the relations - accumulation of irritations like “you to me with again the theater“, or egoistical respect of requirements? That is the same!
What is love or bed egoism?
of the Woman are sure that love egoism is shown by the one who during passion ignores desires of the partner, being fond only of own satisfaction. Men consider that love egoism is shown by the one who manipulates the partner, playing on availability of physiological requirements. Actually, neither that nor another has no relation to egoism! As reflects not sincere, barefaced egoism, and affected sanctity and sacrifice.
We will read without excess emotions the following words from one women`s magazine: “Love egoism in a bed has a number of characteristic signs. Your partner will not look at your person. Perhaps, will close eyes, being given completely to the sensual pleasure. Will speak to you what side to turn and how to move“. From the egoistical point of view - do as well do not take a steam bath! Catch a high! And from the point of view of sacrifice everything is absolutely not so simple: I myself presented to it, and it … As it is told above, it is a way to accumulation of irritation and a dissatisfaction.
Egoism, and only it - a basis of steady relationship between people and lovers!