Whether it is possible to overcome Marilyn Monroe`s syndrome?
Before a female holiday I got into a difficult situation - my hairdresser got sick, and I was left without hairdress. Having seen as I am upset, my friend took pity and gave me the turn to beauty shop. “Under one condition that it will be included as a gift by March 8. Goes?“ - she asked. Naturally, I at once agreed.
Having arrived to unfamiliar salon, having taken seat in a chair to the new master, I, nevertheless, raised the old song: “If you manage to make a decent hairdress of my straw, I will be very grateful to you“. And here my master was called to phone. The woman sitting in the next chair quietly called to me: “You here for the first time? Be more careful with expressions. You see, there is a box with the inscription “Filter a Market!“. It for penalties“. “What penalties?“ - I was frightened. “If you call yourself different obscene words - pay!“
returned my master Here, and I took an interest in an innocent voice what the box with such strange name is. The master repeated words of my neigbour and added: “You understand, already just there are no forces to listen to those nonsenses which are slandered on themselves by women. Not the person, but physiognomy, muzzle, ugly face; not hair, and straw, tow, a bald head, three hair on Plyushchikha. How many it is possible to suffer these mockeries at himself? And why people so do not love themselves?!“
A is valid why?
The difficult word “dysmorphophobia“ experts call a mental disorder at which the person is excessively concerned even by the most insignificant defect of the appearance. Actually there is no shortcoming at all or it is absolutely imperceptible for people around. But the decided, imagined defect does not allow the person to live quietly, and it conducts irreconcilable and cruel war with the appearance. Here only winners in this war never are. The Marilyn Monroe`s Syndrome (MMS) - to themselves the American psychiatrists so call the phenomenon of dislike, hatred.
Marilyn Monroe - the sexiest Hollywood star, dream of a half of the man`s population of the planet, looking in a mirror, steadily saw the ugly unlucky person there. Dislike for itself, hatred for the appearance ate it slowly, but steadily. Her husbands scoffed at it, and the person who faithfully it loved, she did not want to let in the life. Died at the age of 36 years.
Psychiatrists warn that disrespect, a low self-assessment, deep rejection of and as a result constant “uluchshayzing“ in the form of infinite experiments with the appearance - it is serious, destructive and far unsafe.
There is whole “bouquet“ of the reasons of SMM: genetic predisposition, style of parental education (“you, the daughter, fairly clever, but thick“), excessive criticism, influence from masses - media where the image of effective glamourous model is built in a cult. And if the person on character the perfectionist if he is timid and is not self-assured, then everything together works as a mine of the slowed-down action for development of pathology.
How dislike for itself is shown? At everyone the features, but it is possible to track some common features: constraint of the body; desire to be imperceptible; “a mirror symptom“ - constant desire to look in a mirror, trying to find a favorable foreshortening that estimated defect was not visible; “the photo symptom“ - flat refusal to be photographed under various pretexts; dependence on foreign opinion, continuous expectation of a praise, approval; feeling of fault, self-flagellation, pity attacks to; readiness to work without days off and holiday to the detriment of itself, sacrifice with the interests etc. The list is long, but monotonous.
We prefer to consider the external shortcomings as the reasons of all failures. “I am such unhappy because at me...“ - and further the woman will wear the unloved part of a body. It is not lucky with work? Still, with such legs! The man signs do not pay attention? I am such thick! The husband looks at other woman? Ha, me such breast, as at this another!
And the woman begins to turn the one and only life into the proving ground, and herself - into a guinea pig: if a diet, to anorexia, if sport, to exhaustion, if plasticity, so to unrecognizability.
And now the most important question - whether can be changed in any way negative attitude to itself? Of course, it is possible! “To acquire“ self-esteem, self-acceptance the numerous techniques connected with positive thinking help. But I am not an expert - the psychiatrist, I am a layman therefore I do not advise, and just I argue from the everyday point of view. Let`s try to treat itself as our pet treats us. Remember with what reckless pleasure meets us at Murk`s doors or the Ball! For them it is absolutely indifferent in what we are dressed, young we or are old and how many money brought home today. Only the fact that we nearby, they love us without any conditions is important for them.
Expression “is fashionable to love itself“ now, hear it almost in each interview or current - show. And what it means? It is possible more particularly? It is possible. It means: to feed itself tasty and it is useful, to dress itself beautifully and expensively, to care for the health constantly and carefully, to dare to be mistaken and forgive itself, not to allow humiliation nothing and nobody, to break itself to please to someone. If to continue, the list will turn out long and again again - monotonous, but already with the sign “+“.
Still Goethe said that the silliest desire is a desire to be pleasant to all. It was right, the main thing - to be pleasant to itself. To speak about itself or it is good, or in any way! To focus attention on advantages, and shortcomings... well, nothing is perfect.
It is necessary to try to take under control not only statements, but also thoughts of himself, without allowing any negative. Naturally, it will take some time, the habit not to love itself developed for years. But results stand the spent efforts: thoughts change - life changes.