How to diversify the life.“ Get up the duke. It is time to go to Sarajevo“
Ya sat in the chair which is pressed through by many previous residents of small provincial hotel and stupidly stared in the pier glass which is opposite. The unshaven man of years of forty, forty five, burdened by numerous life situations was reflected in it. What it was possible to tell about it, the citizen who is in a mirror? Only the fact that it had not a bad mood, and not really bad, and just very and very lousy. The beloved left without having said goodbye, life became gray, boring and it seemed finally washed-up.
The hand by itself stretched to the drunk not enough bottle of the fad and here … some strong crash was distributed to
In the room, light almost went out, and began to smell for some reason a frozen pollock. You know how the frozen pollock smells? I know that. Constantly I buy to myself and the dog. Five kilograms are enough for a week. Cheap, but as it to me became loathsome!
Right after these surprising phenomena in a chair opposite there was some strange citizen in blue Adidas trousers, the rumpled undershirt and in bedroom-slippers. He wildly looked round around and, having seen me, asked:
- To drink is?
While I put the face in order, it is unclear from where the appeared newcomer grabbed my bottle of cognac and took several gulps.
- Uf, - it zanyukhat cognac a thumb of the right hand. - Ulf. My name is Ulf. Third hostel of scientific research institute “Chavo“. On, take. Only touch nothing! I will take away soon. - He stretched me some parcel and thawed in air.
I stupidly looked at an opposite chair in which already was nobody, and tried to put thoughts in order. But not here - that was.
In the room the crash was again distributed, light started blinking and the pier glass left three citizens of very gangster appearance. They were dressed very strange up: the embroidered shirts, papakhas and trousers with stripes. One of them sniffed, and his eyes began to shine.
- Hde Ulf, - suddenly shouted he. - Hde this son of a bitch?
I hardly managed to put the parcel which is recently handed to me under a chair as to me twisted hands and began to breathe in a face the reek of alcohol of cheap port.
- I in the last time ask, a hda Ulf, - the revolver barrel looked at me. Such I saw only in old movies about revolution. - Sho you for cholovik?
- Forgive, and you whom will be?
- It, seemingly, not at affairs, - one of bandits said. - It seems that ordinary guy. Ulf was here no more than a minute ago. Pobegli is farther, and that will leave.
And all three immediately thawed in air.
I got up and approached a pier glass. Only the typical city loser was reflected in it. The mirror was whole and in the room nothing reminded of an event.
- Affairs … It is necessary - to drink all. Otherwise hallucinations will proceed.
And here I saw a parcel which stuck out from - under chairs. Means, did not come in dream. The common sense prompted to me that I was the witness of some strange events. Someone pursued someone and this decided to use someone me as a left-luggage office something valuable. Means - better to touch nothing and to wait for return of the owner of a parcel.
- But, one against three. Chances to leave at Ulf was obvious a little, and I risked.
In a parcel under a layer of usual glossy paper, in such wrapped herring in shops earlier, there was a subject something similar to the GAI officer`s staff. Only it shone some strange greenish light. In the same place the small book on which it was written lay:
“Instruction. Magic wand. Production of experimental laboratory of scientific research institute “Chavo“. 1973“.
I was surprised to nothing any more, and it was the chance. Chance which happens only once in life. Chance to disappear from this smelly hotel, and I immediately used it. To read the instruction there was neither time, nor desire. And what Russian reads instructions? One wave of a magic wand and...:
- I want to be rich, notable, to head the large state and to have at the same time the faithful wife and many beautiful children.
Already habitual crash was distributed, light and I …
the First movement went out.
I was in some ancient, richly removed car. On a table the samovar smoked. Near a samovar there was a photo of the woman in a long dress and several children. Four girls and one boy. On me there was a military uniform. And here in the car the whole flocks of people were come. One of them dressed in a rich fur coat rushed to me to legs and cried out:
- Nikolay Aleksandrovich, the great sovereign, sign renunciation, save Russia.
Here I understood everything, waved a magic wand, having made a sign Z in air, and again came to be in hotel. I wiped sweat from a forehead. Yes. Nearly flew on full to the Ipatyevsky cellar. It is necessary to be more careful with desires. Well, it nafig this state. Head, what of me. I will be better fantastically rich. Only not in Russia, and, for example, in Paris. Also no wife and children is necessary to me. Let I will have a beautiful mistress. It is quite enough. And I waved a stick …
the Second movement again.
Now I lay on a bed in the huge room. The situation was just fantastic around. The room was entered by very beautiful woman and in pure English which I by then, for some reason perfectly understood, told:
- Get up, my dear. It is time for us to leave “Ritz“. Unfortunately, the hotel is surrounded with crowd of paparazzi. It is necessary to leave through a rear entrance. Monsieur Paul already sent the car.
Here I realized all weight of the new situation again and made in air Z.
Of course, my hotel accommodation was slightly worse, than in Ritts hotel. But in it I felt all - slightly more surely. Is not present. To die in a tunnel on the bank of Seine did not include in my vital plans.
Well them to hell wives, children, mistresses, money, status. I want to be the seafarer. That on a sailing vessel in the warm seas. I stand on the bridge with a telescope and I peer at the horizon, trying to discover Novaya Zemlya. No sooner said than done. One wave magic wand and...
Over me huge sails developed. Seagulls shouted, and the ocean ahead lay... Here it is happiness. Here to what I aspired all life! Here on the bridge the officer in a sea form of times of the Queen Victoria appeared and cried out:
“Captain Cook, ahead some island. You do not wish to descend on the coast. Perhaps, natives prepared for us a pleasant surprise“?
And I came to be in the hotel which became permeated with the smell of bugs again. It to me already was native. And absolutely even not opposite. Here I felt much better, than on a spit at natives. On which I nearly appeared. Whether it is worth continuing this experiment with adjustment of the life - here a question of questions.
And here again in the room the crash was distributed and in a chair there was that who was called Ulf.
- Uf, came off for a while. Cognac still remained?
I stretched it a bottle and inquiring looked:
- Well and how all this can be explained?
- As, as. Worked in laboratory, borrowed couple of products. And here walked smack on full. I run on time and space as a hare.
- And what men in trousers with stripes are pursue you?
- And, it. These are makhnovets. Won at them in cards the cart and two machine guns.
- Abruptly. And what now?
- Now I should sit out somewhere. By the way, - that give a stick. I look, you already managed to wave with it. Oh, and character, harmful at it. Everything carries out, but with some constant implication.
- I already noticed it. Listen, and let`s change. You sit here, and I so far from your makhnovets will run about.
- And why to you it.
- Just everything bothered. There is a wish for a variety in life. How you there in time and space move?
And Ulf stretched me the machine of movement. I right there pressed at random some button and...
The scarlet dawn rose. Carts flew on the Ukrainian steppe. Drivers quilted horses, and with might and main scribbled machine guns. And I, for some reason, ran zigzags. But life did not seem such gray any more and boring as before. Bullets whistled around, and to me was heard in this whistle:
“Ljubo, brothers, Ljubo. Ljubo, brothers to live“.